Young & Hungry

Elliot, stop giving me your "you're totally gonna mess up" stare.

You stop making your "I'm totally gonna mess up" face.

Do you know how important this is? Logan rawlings is comming to dinner.

We are talking about the editor of...

- San Francisco Monthly... - San Francisco Monthly,

she decides who will be on the "Thirty Under Thirty" list.

We know, Elliot, you talk more about this,

than about your dreamday with Anderson Cooper.

And if Josh doesn't get on the list, he'll be devastated!

He's twenty-nine, this is his last shot.

Imagine the pressure he's under.

Elliot, why don't you be a little less crouching tiger,

and a little more hidden dragon?

What's going on?

Hey, Josh, everything's under control.

Okay, good. Because do you know how important this is?

- Logan rawlings... - (Laughs) We know! We know!

Do you also know how devastated Elliot will be if I don't get on this list?

I'm twenty-nine, he's my publicist. This is his last shot.

Can you imagine the pressure he's under?

Yeah, I live paycheck to paycheck.

I know a thing or two about pressure.

Will you let her finish cooking?

- (Doorbell rings) - She's here!

Hi, I'm Logan. And I'm not in the mood to explain my tattoos.

I'm Yolanda. And I'm not in the mood to show you mine.

Elliot Park. An honor to meet San Francisco's legendary taste-maker.

Aw, I hate kiss-asses.

Almost as much as I love them. Two times.

Wow. Look at this place.

Painting, love. View, love.

Pillow, hate.

That's why they call it a throw pillow.

Can I interest you in a Cinnamon Toast-Tini

with actual crushed-up Cinnamon Toast?

Doubtful.

Mmmm. I want a recipe, a photo and another.

And here's the man of the hour!

Good evening, Logan. Welcome to Casa Kaminski.

Cheers.

Wow. Impressive.

Yep. That coulda gone either way.

Glad it went the good way.

You know, I have to say, you're the most handsome tech guy

I've interviewed for my list.

Oh, well, I have to say,

can you repeat that into my phone so I can use it as a ringtone?

May I escort you to the terrace?

Oh, what's this?

Oh. Well, you know how at Costco they have all those free samples?

- I don't. - Well, they do. (Laughs)

And I call 'em "Stor'd'Oeuvres."

If you take enough of them, they make a full meal.

And yet when I take 'em, they call security.

Well, I thought in honor of your "Thirty Under Thirty" list,

I made thirty different perfect samples of San Francisco cuisine.

Get it?

Yeah, I went to Harvard.

I have a sweatshirt from there.

Your parents must be so proud.

Get out!

So, tell me,

how does a tall, handsome Internet mogul with great hair get his start?

Oh, the way we all do.

You get shoved into a locker by a football player.

Oh! Dinner was superb.

That last spoon of Salted Caramel Creme Brulee

was so rich it should have a Trophy Wife.

Well, I'm sorry you have to skedaddle.

And that I said, "skedaddle".

Why don't I walk you out?

- Nice meeting you. - Nice to meet you.

So, what do you think of my boy?

Look, I don't post my list until Friday,

but I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

- You wouldn't? - No. He's not on it.

But... what... you... but... why?!

There's a lot of great candidates.

This is San Francisco.

You're not the only stuck-up publicist I'm dealing with.

No, no! There's got to be something I can do.

- Anything! - Uh, nothing.

I mean, unless you could get me a date.

Oh, believe me, no one knows the pain of not having Josh more than I do.

But, unfortunately, he's engaged.

- Not Josh. - (Laughs) Well, I'm flattered, Logan,

- but I'm not really... - Not you.

That cute little blonde.

Oh.

Gabi? With the pots and pans?

And the cute dimples and great legs.

Any chance she's single and gay?

Uh, she's definitely single.

And now that I think about it, she doesn't have a girlfriend.

- You don't say? - Oh, I say.

I say because it's true.

You put Josh on your "Thirty Under Thirty" list

and I'll put Gabi on your "Girl-Under-Girl list.

- Deal. - (Elevator dings)

Crushed it! List made.

What's the good news, my man?

Logan found someone in this room very impressive.

Yes!

Thirty Under Thirty!

I'm gonna go call Caroline and tell her the good news.

You do that! Go you! Whoo-hoo!

- We have a situation. - We do?

Josh is not the shoo-in he thinks he is. The competition is very stiff.

Oh! Why does the competition always have to be stiff?

- Why can't it be limp and... - Zip it!

- Sorry! - Here's the deal.

I made arrangements for you to take Logan out to drinks and talk Josh up.

Me? Why me?

For reasons I cannot explain, Logan has taken a liking to you.

Maybe it's your cooking, your style.

Or the fact that you're a woman and she wants a woman...

...'s point of view.

How cool is that! Okay, I'm in.

For free drinks, I'd even talk you up.

Just don't forget to flatter her.

Oh, you got it.

For Josh, I will charm the pants off her.

That is what I'm hoping.

God, you smell good. What is it?

Oh, it's the September Issue of Vogue.

I just put it on the floor and rollroun it.

A natural blonde and a sense of humor?

- You're a dream. - (Chuckles)

I'm so glad you wanted to go out.

Are you kidding? I'm so flattered.

You're the most successful woman I've ever been out with.

Look, I hope you're not intimidated by me.

I just want you to be able to tell me anything.

Let me just start off by saying Josh is amazing.

I mean, for somebody who's famous for creating award-winning apps and software,

- he's totally down to... - Enough about Josh.

earth.

- Okay, can I tell you one more... thing? - Shhh. Shhh. Shhhhhhh!

My mom used to do this to me when I talked too much. (Laughs)

I just wanted to change the subject.

Mom never did that.

Um, what exactly did Elliot tell you about me?

Just that you were single and I had a chance.

You know what? I could really use a drink.

How about a scotch on the rocks?

Oh! You're just like me. I love a good hard liquor.

Gabi, my favorite Chef, how's it going?

Elliot, you set me up on a date with a woman?

- I am not gay! - I said that about myself for years.

What were you thinking?

Josh wasn't going to get on the list unless you went on a date with Logan.

She made that very clear.

Why didn't you just tell me that from the start?

If I'd asked you to go on a lesbian date, would you have gone?

No!

You gave me no choice then, did you?

Look, you're Josh's last chance.

So be funny, kiss her ass, or any other body part you feel comfortable with.

Elliot, I hate you so much right now.

The next time I see you, I'm gonna...

- Hey! (Laughs) - God, you're cute.

No, I'm not! You should see me without makeup.

- Arf, arf. - I bet you're fetching. Get it?

Remember that time where you said that we could take things slow?

Oh, you don't? I do. (Chuckles nervously)

Done. You know what? Listen. Let's just take sex off the table.

Yes, let's take it off all the surfaces.

I mean, I think on a first date

- all you really need to do is kiss. - Talk!

I mean, how else do you get to know each other

- if you don't kiss... - talk. I think...

I think talking is really the way to go here.

You know, with talking... I wanna know more about you!

You know, like, what makes you laugh? What makes you cry?

Do you recycle? Have you been to Washington, DC?

Logan, I can't do this.

I'm really sorry.

I thought we were having fun.

- Don't you find me attractive? - Yeah, totally. You're beautiful.

And if I were into girls, right now we would be planning

our fly-fishing honeymoon trip to Montana.

Whoop!

- Wait, you're straight? - Oh, so straight.

Well, then why did Elliot tell me that you were...

oh, God, to get Josh on the list.

Yeah. Listen, I didn't even know this was a date,

until your hand was on my thigh.

Though I probably should've

realized that sooner, considering there's only women here.

This is one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

- Oh, man. Logan, I feel terrible. -It's not your fault. It's my therapist.

My girlfriend just broke up with me and he told me to get back out there.

As you can see, it's going really well.

No, no, don't... don't cry. It's gonna be okay.

We were together for two years, and then she dumped me out of nowhere.

And she won't answer my calls or my texts,

and she won't even pick up her stuff.

How much stuff are we talkin'?

A lot. Not to mention her cat.

She left her cat? You wanna know why?