Innerspace

(FAINTLY) ...in that special fraternity

of courageous men who risk life and limb to explore the stars,

of courageous men who risk life and limb to explore the stars,

and secure peace and freedom the world over.

We are a nation with a tradition of heroism.

Hey, does anybody know where the head is around here?

....who are with us here tonight...

...fill that need.

Through their strength of character, their fortitude,

They have proven themselves to be worthy of the appellation...

They have proven themselves to be worthy of the appellation...

...hero.

Tonight we are paying tribute

to a breed of men--

Where is a guy supposed to take a leak around here?

Well, damn if we're not balls to the wall

of all-American hero types here tonight.

I see space walkers and moon walkers

and earth orbiters galore.

And over here we have the current cream of the crop.

America's best and brightest.

That's a good one, eh, boys?

The most excitement I ever had, was the time I landed a crippled F-14

The most excitement I ever had, was the time I landed a crippled F-14

with a stubborn nose gear on the deck

of a rolling flattop in zero visibility.

But you boys...

...you get to test out these babies.

I envy you.

Gentlemen... I salute you.

Shit, I spilled my drink.

Hey, hey, hey, easy fellows.

Battle conditions, boys?

Why don't you get yourself a new act, Pendleton, you're a disgrace.

Give that cripple tomcat story a rest because we've all heard it.

Gosh, I'm sorry, Rusty. Really, you're right.

But at least when my moment of truth came

I didn't take a dump down the leg of my flight suit.

You, son of a-- (GRUNTING)

Well, come on, boys!

Isn't this what you always wanted? A piece of Tuck Pendleton?

Shouldn't the, um...

Shouldn't the project be de-classified?

You know I can't tell you that.

Could you just excuse me? I'm sorry.

All right, that's enough! That's enough!

Hello, Pete. Where's your uniform? Where's your uniform?

Where yours should've been a long time ago.

Hanging in the closet.

Don't worry, Pete. The wait is almost over.

Take him home with you.

I'm going to try and hit the couch... okay?

No wait, wait.

-Oh! -(LAUGHING)

All you had to do was ask, honey.

Charming. You want a drink?

-What is all this? -Something new I'm involved in.

-Rabbits? -Yeah, wabbits.

You resigned your commission to study rabbits?

Shit. (GROANS)

Now take it easy. -That's good advice.

You better get some ice on that.

-Where are you going? -I'm leaving.

You're in no shape to drive, Lydia.

Oh, I am in no shape to drive? That's really good, Tuck.

You leave me no choice.

-Not fair. -What is?

Oh, come on.

Hey, I said to the man on the phone, "Don't honk."

Lady, all I got was an address, not a book of instructions.

Lydia!

-What is going on here? -You got any bags?

No. You know what's going on here. You read the note.

-Yeah, I read the note. -Good, nice clean break.

Leave everything behind.

-I don't live here. -One-nighter?

-Shut up, get back in your cab! -Shut up, just shut up!

Yeah, I read the note.

Just standard farewell address. I know it by heart.

-Excuse me. -Lydia.

Look, don't leave. You know you love me.

Look, I know you're crazy about me.

I mean... in a week or two,

I'm gonna call you or you're gonna call me,

-we're gonna be back together again -No, we won't!

I don't get it. I get a little drunk...

...I make an ass out of myself.

-What's the big deal? -Things are different now, Tuck.

It just hurts me too much to be with you.

Lydia!

Lydia, I stubbed my toe on the cab when I kicked door.

Lydia, I stubbed my toe on the cab when I kicked door.

I think it's broken.

Well, better your toe than your heart.

-Can we go now, please? -Lydia!

Lydia!

Lydia!

I sure hope you didn't leave your purse back there.

Okay, Jack. Let's review.

We've got nausea, we've got shortness of breath,

we've got dizziness we've got headaches.

Big, pounding headaches.

Big... poun...

Huh. What's going on up here?

Where did you get that rash?

-Hairspray. -Hairspray?

It also makes me sneeze like crazy.

So, what do you think?

I think you're allergic to hairspray.

Isn't this great, Jack?

I think we're making real progress today.

Okay... Uh-huh.

The nightmares still keeping you awake at night?

Mm-hm. And now I have a new one.

Put your head back. Tell me about it.

Well, I'm at the market, working one of the registers.

And I suddenly notice the next customer is this horrible,

obnoxious woman with bright orange hair.

Anyway...

I'm passing her stuff over the bar code scanner

and I don't notice it, but the computer

starts to ring up all the wrong prices.

So when I'm all done I look at the total and it's way up over...

So when I'm all done I look at the total and it's way up over...

-(SLAPPING BACK) -(GRUNTS)

...and it's way up over... and it's way up over $100,000.

-That much? -Yes.

So the woman with the orange hair says to me, real calm...

...she says to me:

"I don't carry that kind of cash around on me, sweetie."

-Want to open wide, there? -Yeah.

And I say, "Oh, is that right?" And she says,

"Will you take this instead?"

And she reaches into her purse,

and she pulls out this little pearl-handled pistol.

And she pulls back on the trigger,

and it's at that moment that I wake up screaming.

-Oh! -(TRAY CLATTERING)

Take it easy, Jack. It's all right. The nurse will get it.

Just sit down. Sit down.

I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to push you.

Jack, please, sit down and relax. Catch your breath.

Come on.

-Jack... -(PANTING)

...you know that I'm more than your doctor. I'm your friend.

You're one of my favorite patients.

Let's face it, your regular office visits

are the cornerstone of my entire medical practice.

But the problem is, medicine is not what you need, Jack.

What you need is rest and relaxation.

I think you need a total change of scene.

May be a nice vacation. How does that sound?

It sounds good.

Well then, take one.

And find a place that's peaceful and quiet.

Because the most important thing for you right now is no excitement.

Because the most important thing for you right now is no excitement.

Got it?

-I know it's hard to believe-- -Hard? Try impossible.

That's why I want you there to see for yourself.

Then, if you're interested, the project's yours.

Look, first amaze me, then we'll talk funding.

Damn this traffic. We're gonna be late.

Just out of curiosity, who's your guy? Your pilot?

You might know him. Pendleton. Tuck Pendleton.

Why did you choose Pendleton?

-He had the right qualifications. -Such as?

He's the only one we could find who was crazy enough to do it.

Let me tell you something about Tuck Pendleton.

He could have been one of the best. But he hates authority,

he can't take orders and he likes to make up his own rules.

Ah, don't look so depressed.

The experiment is bound to fail long before

Pendleton has a chance to screw it up.

How does that feel? It feels good. Then do it again.

How does that feel? It feels good. Then do it again.

The Tuck Pendleton machine, zero defects.

You're not getting nervous, are you?

Not yet. (EXHALES)

Look, Lieutenant, let's review this neuromuscular

facial response experiment one more time.

Let's not, huh? All right?

-What do you mean, let's not--? -Ozzie, who's nervous now?

I know what our objectives are. I've done my homework.

I can do this little job blindfolded and backwards,

so everybody just calm down.

Initiate hydroponics check.

Initiating.

-Good luck, Lieutenant. -Thank you.

Zero-nine-five. All personnel to the station, please.

Just one more thing, Lieutenant.

I just want to make sure we've got everything down.

It's not gonna be simple but there shouldn't be any surprises or....

Good luck, Lieutenant.

Be careful of this 3808 unit.

I spilled coffee on it last week. It's not quite as reliable as it was.

Um... still rolling? Great!

Uh... we are using an experimental

submersible pod, modified with a performance enhanced