Warehouse 13

Previously on Warehouse 13...

Hello. I have a special...Order.

- You have a date? - No.

Be yourself.

So what High School did you go to?

Why all the questions about my past?

What am I doing here?

I got-- oh!

What kind of advice is "be yourself"?

Because myself is a giant freakazoid.

When you said "meet me at the diner,"

I thought you'd arranged some lame meet with me and Todd.

Todd.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Get out. - Yeah. Leaving.

My lips can't focus. I'm too excited.

Me too. I know.

The Warehouse is finally getting a computer upgrade.

Right.

The IRS Warehouse where you work.

Exciting. Very exciting.

I know, right?

That place has been running on a first-gen

8-bit GUI since, like, the stone ages.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I keep forgetting you're not a high-tech kind of guy.

Hey, I'm pumped if you're pumped.

But my computer skills go as far as

getting new ring tones for my cell phone.

You're cute for a Luddite.

Oh, yikes.

I'm late.

Got this guy coming to install the new system.

Some mucky-muck from some place called Global Dynamics.

Catch up later?

I could bring lunch.

Crustless PB&J, Twinkies, and Doritos?

And an orange for fiber.

Mmm, that's why I loves me some Todd.

W-w-what?

What are you do-- what are you doing?

Do you have any idea what you're doing?

Look, I was asked to upgrade this place

to class seven standards and I can't do that

with you constantly interrupting me.

Adapt.

This is not Eureka.

I will not have you gutting my system.

Your guts are rotted.

All right, every single wire has to go exactly back

where it was.

Half of these aren't even wires.

This one looks like shoelace.

All right, let me be perfectly clear.

Hey-o! If you damage any of my data,

you will not come within an inch--

Artie, Artie, Artie, Artie. Artie?

Artie, why don't we let our special guest,

who I bet Mrs. Frederic wouldn't have sent here

if he was trouble, do his thing, huh?

Come on, buddy.

Yeah, he's a Global Dynamic geek.

I know. He's soulless.

He's made up of binary numbers.

Yeah.

I'll tear his heart out.

Hello?

Wire in the hole.

I drop stuff down there all the time.

Hold on to me, will you?

I'm Claudia, resident tech girl.

Uh, Douglas. Douglas Fargo.

Everyone just calls me Fargo.

Okay...Doug.

Neat gizmo, huh? Yeah.

Um, what makes it glow?

Is it, like, a phosphorous compound?

No, it belonged to Ben Franklin.

Amplifies human energy to--

first time in the Warehouse?

Until the scary lady with the beehive showed up,

I kind of thought Warehouse 13 was just an Internet rumor.

So, um, any chance after I'm done with the install,

I could get a tour?

Ooh, no can do, outlander.

You've only got blue level clearance.

I have to ask.

Is this-- gasp.

Better than gasp.

This is gonna replace all of that.

It's from Global Dynamics, where I work.

Well, run, I guess.

Yeah, I'm in charge.

What about this thing?

Ah, it's a M.A.R.A.

A maintenance and repair automaton.

It's for use in unmanned space stations,

large facilities.

I--I actually invented it.

But, um, I was gonna install it with your system,

but your boss vetoed it.

Yeah, Artie would have vetoed fire

if he'd been born just a couple years earlier.

So you ready to fire up Warehouse 13.1 or what?

Let's get this over with.

Okay, shutting down the old systems now.

And bring in the new.

Anybody gonna ask me to dance?

What exactly did you do?

The new O.S. should have come right on.

Oh, really?

I hope that means we can't park here.

Catastrophic failure detected.

"Catastrophic" is a bad word.

Those eyes are popping up all over the Warehouse.

Is this thing looking at me?

And what are they doing?

I think they're watching us.

This is all your fault, Bismarck.

Fargo. And it is not my fault.

When we shut down the old system,

some sort of fail-safe activated.

I'm completely locked out.

You didn't think to mention there was a fail-safe?

No, I didn't know there was a fail-safe.

And aren't so-called computer experts supposed to realize that

before you shut down a system?

Okay, boys, take it outside.

Let me work a little Claudiosity.

I never should have let you in here.

Well, it wasn't exactly your decision now, was it?

Hey. Oh, no, you didn't.

It's not coming from this office.

All systems functioning within acceptable parameters.

That voice.

I recognize that voice.

That's Hugo Miller's voice.

Who?

He was the original designer of the Warehouse systems.

Where are you going?

Um, the computer lab.

You have a computer lab?

More like a computer morgue.

You didn't think to mention there was a computer lab?

Well, later on, I'll make a list for you

of all the things that I didn't think to mention.

Has this been running the entire time?

No, no, of course not.

Place has been shut down for 35 years.

So why is it-- you know what?

Spread out, don't touch anything,

but look for an off switch.

Who was Hugo Miller?

Brilliant man and more than a little devious.

He actually encouraged Bill Gates to go

in one direction while pushing Steve Jobs

to go in another.

Hey.

Hey.

Hugo spent years down here integrating

the whole Warehouse into a workable platform.

Looks like he spent a lot of time

playing with himself too.

No way!

Awesome. Lemon launch.

Pete.

Pete, that's been here for years.

If I were you, I'd put that down.

Hugo was a huge practical joker.

He'd leave exploding cans of pop everywhere.

Used to drive everybody nuts.

Artie, what happened to him?

He retired.

Hello, blinky.

Oh, that's the fail-safe.

There must be a main power junction.

Oh!

You all right?

I've been hit with worse.

Are you sure?

Wow, this thing is tied in to the fail-safe.

Whoa. Take a gander.

It's uploading a massive amount of data from our mainframe.

Whatever it is, I think it's moving in.

This fail-safe is hardwired into the whole system,

into the temperature regulators, the security feeds,

into the neutralizer pump.

Maybe that's okay.

We were installing a new computer anyway.

Well, one we can control.

Why don't we just bring Hugo Miller here?

I told you he's retired.

Retired or...

No, he's alive. Don't be dramatic.

There were rumors about a nervous breakdown, but--

well, sitting in a windowless room

for ten years playing Monopoly with Hal?

What could go wrong?

Do we know where he retired to?

Place called Hutchinson. It's in Featherhead.