Temperatures Rising

Hi! Muaw!

Your grandmother is such a sucker.

She thinks she's a finalist in

"Ed McMahon's Publishers' Clearing House"

You're just jealous because I'm gonna be a millionaire.

You better be nice to me because I got a very long memory.

Waitress, could I get a cup of decaf?

I got a letter for you.

Oh...

From 'Cambodia'

Cambodia? Oh, my Gosh.

Pack your bags, we'll hide her out in Canada.

Oh!, look, Val; It's from Mai Ling.

Who's Mai Ling?

Oy, these two mashuganas adopted an orphan in High School

at 17 cents a day.

What a steal;

Bell Peppers are 4.99 a pound.

Ma; We weren't mashiginas,

that poor child happens to come from a country

where you gotta scrape and scrounge

and fight for every last morsel of food.

-Just give me a_ -Get away or I'll kill ya!

Fran;

She's coming to New York

3 weeks from the date of this letter. -Oh!

Which is tomorrow!

Ma!

Oh, I'm sorry,

I taped it to the refrigerator to give it to you and then I forgot it was there.

Well, that's because the refrigerator door is never closed.

Oh, Fran.

I can't believe our little girl is coming to see us.

Ah

I wonder which one of us she'll look like.

Val; She's not going to look like either of us,

because she's adopted.

-Oy. -Ah, yeah.

Oy. Am I an idiot?

-No. -Oh.

Well, let's just pray she inherited your brains.

She's got a very good heart.

So does an artichoke.

Here's your sandwich, sir.

'Thank you Niles'. 'You're welcome, sir'.

'All you do for me and a heart condition on top of it'.

I wouldn't let a little angina

keep me from picking up your freshly baked focaccia bread

at 4:00 in the morning.

You're right, Niles. I don't appreciate you.

'Well, that's because I don't do squat around here'.

Perhaps you should put a bit more effort into it.

'Well, I can't, sir, I'm a lazy old house trow'.

All I wanted was a simple thank you.

I suppose in order to get some attention around here

I have to hop up on your desk in my short skirt.

Did you say, "my"?

I was putting myself in Miss Fine's shoes.

Well, you can't wear those wingtips with your skirt,

it'll make you stumpy.

He who belts, "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair,"

in the shower should not throw stones.

I assure you, I am the most masculine one in this room

Until now.

You know, Maxwell;

I can't believe what they get away with on TV these days.

I was watching this rerun of "Seinfeld" and Elaine must have been,

I don't know, 12 months pregnant,

and they didn't even acknowledge it,

they just keep hiding her behind these huge props.

And this needs water.

Mr. Sheffield,

Remember when you told me that

I can never have any more relatives staying at the house?

Yes, but, more importantly, do you?

Well, would you make an exception for my daughter?

-Your what?! -My daughter

Uh, did I mention that I have a 19 year old daughter?

But that's impossible. That means you would have had to have been_

10.

Yeah, I got her at a UNICEF fair when I was in High School,

Junior High, Elementary School!

Well, I think it's wonderful that you're a foster parent, Miss Fine.

Thank you. Does it give you any ideas? You know,

now that I have a kid and you have kids?

Miss Fine; If I say she can stay here, will you stop singing?

Oh, thank you;

You're such a doll.

Oh, now I just hope that she likes me.

You know how I'm not really good with kids -

I mean my own kids.

Maxwell;

This just came back from the framers, where do you want to hang it?

She's here!

She's here!

Oh, we're coming! We're coming!

Oooh!

Oh, honey, let's meet our little girl.

Hi! There she_

Hello; I am Mai Ling.

Boy, you really filled out on 17 cents a day.

Hello, Mai Ling!

We are your mother and mother!

Look how I'm talking to her, like she doesn't understand.

You must be Val.

Come in! Come in!

Oh,

so beautiful!

He he.

This is your house?

Well, I'm working on it, sweetie.

I can't wait to meet your husband. Where is he?

Well, hopefully, he's at a very successful law firm,

or seeing a patient.

Come on, sit down;

Talk with your mother.

Excuse me, I'm her mother, too.

So, sweetie;

Tell us, how could you afford to fly here?

Oh, I worked since I was 10 years old.

Ooh.

They let you work so young there?

No, sometimes I would lie about my age.

Oh, my baby.

My baby, too.

Well, it was my idea to buy her.

Yeah?

It was my idea to go to the fair!

Please! Mommies, don't fight. It put knives in my heart.

There! There! She's Jewish. She's mine.

Oh!

Ma; You are not going to win from "Publishers' Clearing House"

You spend your whole social security check on magazines.

What do you need with "Runner's Digest"?

Oh, I thought it just said, "digest".

What a pleasure, ladies.

Haven't seen you in, what, half a day?

How did you get in?

You left the door open.

You had a key made?

Maybe that was it.

Where are you running? Niles; Oh, darling.

I got a little something on my pursue

at the gas station. I wonder if you could it off for me?

What is it, grease?

Yeah. From a burrito.

It's Sylvia's.

Oh, hi, Ma; Yetta.

Now, wait a minute.

You two did go home, yesterday, didn't you?

What are you wearing to aunt Frieda's birthday tomorrow?

Oh, I got the most adorable little white polka dot dress

with big colorful fruits all over it.

Like that?

Oh, that's it. Oh, look great in it.

I'll wear something else to Frieda's.

Oh, ma, Yetta,

I want you to meet my daughter, Mai Ling.

She just arrived.

Oh,

I hope you had a Caesarean.

Maggie take me to big party and I want to look pretty like my mother.

-Oh, thank you, sweetie. -Thank you, sweetie.

What are you saying?

She's here one week and in your clothes already?

Fran; I don't like it.

You don't take advantage of someone when you're a guest in their house.

Niles!

How long does it take to clean a purse?

Here's your pocketbox, girls.

-Thanks. -Well, time to party, Mai.

But we have to be home early because Maggie has school tomorrow.

Uh, Mai, you say that in front of dad.

She's the one who taught me how to do this.

Yeah.

I taught her everything she knows, he he. Have fun.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Bye. -So cute.

Do you even know where she's going to?

Uhh no.

But I don't know where Maggie's going either.

Well, I do not think Mai Ling should go out dressed like that.

She looks like a hooker.

Well, that's my outfit.

Enough said.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, come on.

This is a big revelation? You dress like a tramp.

You know what revelation means?

You know;

You are always undermining me.

Now, why do I always have to be the bad guy? You spoil her.

Well, what's the big deal if I do spoil her? I can afford it now.

Oh, please; It isn't your money; You're the hired help!

Well, you really learn a lot about a person

when you have a kid with them, that's all I can say.

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