Fear of the Dark

Ah man! That was our only ball!

Why d'you look so scared? Look at him...

- I'm not scared! - Go get it, Taylor!

You're the new guy, so it's yourjob to get the ball!

- Or are you scared... - Shut up!

Look at you! You're scared. You want me to call your mommy?

Maybe your big sister will get it for you. It's your ball!

It's my back too, so get in there before I knock your sorry ass out of the park!

Come on, looser! Get the ball!

Come on, hurry up!

It's right here... I see it...

Oh, no. Guys! Come on! This isn't funny! Open up!

Hello?

Hello? Is there anybody here?

Help me... Leave me alone!

Leave me alone! Help me!

Open up!

I'm home!

Good to see you too.

Ryan, is that you?

Ryan honey, is that you?

No, it's robbers. It'sjust your standard home invasion.

Nothing to worry about here.

You're home late. How was your day?

Pull off any cool tricks?

Ryan, no caffeine. Remember what the doctor said.

- It keeps you up at night. - That's not what keeps me awake.

Ryan, put it back.

- How does she know these things? - Because I'm your mother.

Now get down here so I can take a look at you.

I look the exact same as I did this morning.

Ryan...

Mom?

Sorry, sorry, sorry...

Please, mom!

You'd think I was coming back from war or something, man.

Most kids would kill for their mothers to give'em this kind of attention.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Can't we be a normal family and switch the light at the top of the stairs?

Well, that'sjust the way it was when we moved here.

This isn't normal? This is a home office.

- You're a mess... - Me?

- Have you looked in the mirror lately? - That bad?

You look like you've been down in the mines.

Oh, what time is it? Your dad's gonna kill me.

We've got that big party to go to tonight.

Got to clean up.

- Hey, kiddo. - Hi.

If you got a second I could use your advice in here, I got a little problem.

Sure.

That light bulb in the living room, it needs replacing.

You know, the one on the left as you come into the hallway.

It made that sound like when there's a fly stuck in it and then it flickered.

Ryan, maybe you should just...

Son, this whole fear of the dark thing...

...maybe you're getting just a little too old for this, huh?

You realize I'm gonna have to take a second mortgage on the house...

...just to pay for all these light bulbs...

Look, I will fix it the first thing tomorrow morning. I promise.

Alright.

Alright, I will fix it tonight before we leave. How 'bout that?

- Alright. - Deal. Good.

You, young man, are one tough negotiator.

I mean it. You know I've cross examined criminals that cracked before you.

Dad? Do you think I can I get a dog?

You know, like an attack dog. He could hide under my bed.

I heard that dogs can sense fear. Dogs and horses...

What? Whoa, whoa, wait. Haven't we had this conversation?

You know you're allergic, besides...

What brought this on?

I just thought that if Dale was allowed to have a girl in his room...

I see...

Well you know son, technically he's not breaking the rule since...

...the rule only applies for when we're not home. Plus...

It's her.

No way!

No way!

- In our house? - In our house.

Oh my God!

He talks about her so much I didn't even know if she was real.

What's she like? Is she short? Is she tall?

Does she smell? What does she look like?

- I've got like a million questions... - Alright, hold on a second...

I've already explained to your brother...

...that we were not going to give him any problems, so don't.

So this is what unbridled teenage male angst looks like, huh?

But I guess your room is all, you know, cheerleading trophies...

...stuffed animals, miniature dollhouses...

That too.

Sometimes my girlfriends and I have sleepovers...

...they almost always end in pillow fights in negligees.

Nice.

Are you like in a band?

Unfortunately.

And...?

And...?

Aren't you gonna play me something?

Well, we're kind of in that formative stage...

...we're not actually, you know, playing the songs.

Well, at least you're honest.

My brother used to play the piano.

I used to give it to him, you know...

Should be outside playing baseball, not inside practicing...

So one day he went outside...

I heard about that.

It was a heart attack, right?

That's what they say.

I'm sorry.

It happens.

You know, I could teach you if you want...

- I don't know. - Come on!

Alright.

Put your hand right there. Pinky...

Hold on tight. Ready?

Almost...

That's a 'G'. Which is the backbone of any garage band.

And then 1-2, one lower.

1, 2, 3... grope tight.

- That's not bad. - Not bad...

All you need is a little bit of face paint and a impressive light show...

...and it's champagne and groupies from here on out.

Sounds like you've thought about this.

More than you know.

Ryan, if you're not out of here in 3 seconds I'm gonna break your neck.

That's O.K. I have to get to work anyway.

I worry about the domino effect...

...the sheer pandemonium if I miss my shift at the Donut Hole.

Anyways, some of us need realjobs.

We can't rely on the talent in three little fingers.

Just so you know, Ryan, when mom and dad leave... you're dead.

You know, you should be nicer to him...

I am gonna give you my number...

...just in case he gives you any trouble.

Think I could take him?

Sure...

Nice tie, Mr. Billings.

Would you two go already?

What!?

I'm not gonna have a party or anything. Don't worry.

Better not.

I wouldn't have time to send out the invitations anyways.

You let this Ryan's condition thing keep you in this house like you're prisoners.

When's the last time you guys went out?

- A month, two months... - He'sjust a boy.

I know he'sjust a boy, but...

...he's old enough not to be scared of the dark...

What that doctor say? He gets like an hour's sleep a night...

Of course the kid sees crap. I mean what would you...

Sorry. Anyway, he's border line clinical...

No wonder the kid's a little loopy. I mean you would be too if...

Dr. Ross said that Ryan believes in it one hundred percent.

Yeah, well, I believe aliens crashed in Roswell.

Doesn't necessarily mean it's true.

Anyways, I just don't think it's normal...

It'sjust not friggin' normal...

Eric, would you say something?

Well Dr. Ross did say that we could...

Don't you dare finish that sentence! I will not medicate our son... Ever!

And you...

...just don't let him out of your sight!

O.K. Understood. I'll keep him out of the garbage disposal.

That's not funny.

Your brother is more responsibility than you know.

You don't understand, you don't have kids.

Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you guys about that...

I'm sorry, understood. I'm out of here.

Holy crap!

- Get out! - Has mom seen those?

No she hasn't seen those and she's not going to.

What the hell happened?

Road rash. Crashed on my board...

You don't get something like that from...

Look, if some kid's giving you trouble at school or something...

I've been through that.

- You can talk to me about anything. - God, Dale, please don't tell mom.

Give me your word you're not gonna tell mom, or dad.

Alright, I won't tell mom or dad.

I promise.

Hey! You can talk to me.

I'm your brother.

Can you believe it? Finally.

Don't worry about anything tonight. It's gonna be fine.

What do you think, honey? Your old lady still got it?

- Beautiful, as usual. - You look good, mom.

Your father might be up for a big promotion tonight.

Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?

- Do we have another dad? - I wanna talk to you.

If the lights go out, the back-up lights are in the cabinet in the basement.

Flashlights are in the kitchen cupboard.

Control panel is down in the basement. Dr. Ross' phone number...

We're fine.

This is important, you listen.

- If you have an outage and you need. - Hey, dad!

You know, I can hear you.

Alright listen, you call Dr. Ross. He can help you.

O.K. Go make us some money.

We love you both very much...

Yup, and we trust you.

We'll be home later okay, Ryan?

What do we say, honey...