Christine

[G. THOROGOOD & DESTROYERS' "BAD TO THE BONE" PLAYS]

[BUDDY HOLLY'S "NOT FADE AWAY" PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

Holy shit.

[TANYA TUCKER'S "NOT FADE AWAY" PLAYS]

[TANYA TUCKER'S "NOT FADE AWAY" PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

Come on, Arnie.

He's coming. He's changing his shirt.

That's noise pollution, what you're doing.

You might as well be dumping toxic waste on our lawn.

Hey, Dennis, I'll be right there.

Just leave it. It's okay. Go on, it's okay.

Arnie, your lunch.

And try and keep it cold, there's yoghurt in there.

Right.

Slow down.

So, what, are you guys having a war or something?

Ah, she's pissed off because I'm taking shop...

...like it embarrasses her or something. My dad too.

It won't embarrass them when their stupid Volvo breaks down...

...and you fix it for free.

-What? -Last night, we were playing Scrabble...

...and it's like neck and neck between me and her.

We blew my dad away early.

So right at the end, I had this choice of putting down "ratio"...

...for, like, five lousy points, or....

-Or what, Arnie? -"Fellatio."

On a triple word score for 24 points and the game.

-What did she do? -She wouldn't let me have it.

She won by 7 points because she said obscenity's not allowed in Scrabble.

-Yeah. -And I looked it up...

-...and it's in the dictionary. -You jerk, Arnie. Jesus.

You know, uh, Arnie, I was thinking....

Uh-oh.

No, seriously.

Now that we're gonna be seniors, I figured it's about time that we, uh....

That we got you laid, you know, like this year, huh?

-Huh? -You need a girl to get laid.

Well, what about Gail Justin, huh?

Oh, Gail "Just In Case"? No, I don't like her mustache.

Oh, fuck you, Arnie.

I mean, what do you care if you get a little hair in your mouth, huh?

Okay. Uh....

How about Sally Hayes, huh? She's cute.

She's a sophomore.

So what? She's a walking sperm bank, Arnie. I know. Come on.

Well, I don't think I have the minimum deposit to open an account...

...you know what I mean?

Are you kidding?

You carry your life savings between your legs.

Come on, Arnie.

I think maybe I'll just beat off.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Guilder, you playing football this year or what?

Yeah. Somebody's gotta pick it up when you fumble.

-Hey, Terry. -Hey, listen, how's your gimpy knee?

Ah, it's better. Coach wants me to practice.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's about time.

I've been eating dirt with your name on it for the past three weeks.

Hi, Dennis.

Oh, hey, Roseanne. How you doing?

I'm okay. They gonna let you play football this year?

Uh, yeah. Doc says I'm as good as new.

Then I guess I'll be seeing you out there.

I hope so.

Well, TTFN.

Yeah. Ta, ta for now.

I wouldn't put that in my mouth, Dennis.

-You don't know where it's been. -Get out of here.

Yeah, but we know where it hasn't been. It hasn't been with you, huh?

-Having trouble with your locker? -No.

-Did you see the new girl? -Come on, Bemis, I just got here.

Dennis, I'm in love. She's perfect.

-And you know how fussy I am. -Well, I never noticed you were fussy.

-Drop dead, Cunningham. -What's her name?

I don't know. She's in the office. She looks smart.

But she's got the body of a slut.

Oh, shit. Here she comes.

Give me something for my lap, will you.

And we have one heck of a good marching band.

Went to the Rose Parade last year.

Not a bad way to meet boys.

I would like to get involved with the yearbook.

Oh, we have a terrific yearbook staff. It won a prize last year.

So, what do you think about admitting red China into the U.N.?

-I think we already did that. -Yeah, but, uh...

...do you think it was a good idea?

She smiled at me.

I wanna have deep, meaningful sex with her.

-Go get her, Bemis. -Think I should?

Yeah. You've got nothing to lose but your virginity.

Dennis, um, can you give me a hand with this? I can't--

Yeah.

Nah, you know he doesn't have a chance.

Oh, I don't think so either. I mean, she's much too classy for him.

-There you go, huh? -What did you do?

Lucky. See you at lunch.

Okay.

Hey, Charlie, have you seen Arnie?

-Yeah, he's still in the shop. -What's the matter?

-Buddy Repperton has his lunch. -Buddy Repperton.

Hi, Dennis.

Come on, pizza face.

Come on, pizza face

You want it? Come get it.

If it's yours, why doesn't it have your name on here anywhere?

Arnie "Cunt-ingham." Why doesn't it say "Cunt-ingham"?

Just take it, Arnie, and let's go eat.

Yeah, that's all you gotta do. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

That's funny, Buddy. Real funny.

Go get Mr. Casey.

Come on, you wanna go for it?

-Put the knife down, and I will. -Put down the knife, Repperton.

You wanna make me put it down?

Hey, you got a knife, and he doesn't.

In my book, that makes you a chickenshit.

-Yeah, that's chickenshit. Oh, yeah?

-Put it down, Buddy. Yeah, put down the knife.

Come on, Buddy, just put down the knife, okay?

Just put it down.

Come on! Come on! Get it, man! Get it, man!

Come on, Buddy, stick him. Stick him, Buddy.

How do you like that, dick face?

All right, break it up! Come on, break it up right now.

Okay, you kids, take a walk. Come on, take a walk. Get lost.

Not you, Moochie.

Aw, come on, Mr. Casey, I ain't been doing nothing.

You all right, Dennis?

Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Real cute, huh? Three on one.

-They started it. -Yeah.

That's not true. -Shut up, cunt face!

Hey, you wanna shut your mouth?

I don't have to listen to garbage like that coming from you, Buddy!

Now, what were you saying, Arnie?

Repperton's got a knife.

You fucking liar.

It's a switchblade.

That's bullshit, Mr. Casey. He's lying. I swear to God.

Cunningham, did Repperton here pull a knife on you?

Yeah.

Empty your pockets, Buddy.

Fuck I will. You can't make me.

If you mean I don't have the authority, you're wrong.

-If you mean I can't turn out you pockets-- -Yeah, try it, you little bald fuck...

...and I'll knock you through the wall! Fuck!

You two boys, go up to the office. Stay there.

Don't go anywhere else, you got enough trouble without that.

Now, if you don't empty your pockets right now, I'm gonna call the cops.

Go to the office, Buddy.

I'll fix you!

You're gonna wish you were never fucking born!

So all in all, it wasn't a bad first day.

Yeah.

-Think Repperton will try to get even? -No, he's a douche bag.

He'll find somebody else to pick on.

-They kicked him out, you know. -Good.

They kick Moochie out?

Probation.

Those assholes.

Stop the car, Dennis. Stop the car. Stop the car. Quick.

-Will you go back? Go back. Go back. -What's the matter?

I wanna look at her. Will you go back, please?

-All right, Arnie. Calm down. -Go back.

Jesus Christ.

What is it, huh?

Do you know someone who lives here?

What?

Jesus.

Hey, careful, Dennis.

This is a piece of shit, Arnie.

Well, she could be fixed up. She could.

-Yeah. -Oh, she could be really tough.

Forget it, Arnie. This baby's got 93,000 miles on it.

Probably 193.

I don't care.

I bet it won't even start.

She'll start.

You need these.

How much do you want for her?

-I mean, whatever it is, it's not enough. -Jesus, Arnie.

Sonny, you ever owned a car before?

-Yeah, he owns a Mustang-- -No, I just got my license.

Name's George LeBay.

Arnie Cunningham. What are you asking?

Start her up.

Really?

Her name's Christine.

I like that.

Come on, Arnie, we gotta get going, huh?

My asshole brother bought her back in September '57.

That's when you got your new model year, in September.

Brand-new, she was.

She had the smell of a brand-new car.

That's just about the finest smell in the world.

Except maybe for pussy.

When he got her, she had six miles on the odometer.

Goddamn Roland went through hell and back with Christine.