Robot Chicken

Announcer: It's the

"Robot Chicken Archie Comics Special."

We've picked up a distress signal nearby.

-It's coming from that ship. -It's our duty to investigate.

Josie, we'll be late for Pluto-chella.

I thought Venus-palooza was next.

That's after Burning Mars.

Did we commit to Uranus Aid?

Oh, for Christ's sake.

We got to fix the laugh track, guys.

Hello! The distress call.

Speaking of distress,

we forgot to take Sebastian out of cryo sleep.

Whoo-hoo!

Guide it in the back door, Alan, gently.

Actually, Josie, it's the other ship's job to relax.

Thank you very much.

Oh, yeah! Baby!

Say, where's Alan M.?

He said he spilled a coconut smoothie

on his lap, and then he fell asleep.

We don't have coconut smoothies.

Hm, no sign of life.

I guess I can re-route the auxiliary power

so we can see their last flight log.

It worked!

Hey, y'all, this is D.J. from DuJour

coming at you with the c-c-c-crisis!

DuJour? I heard their record company

shot them into space after their unique brand of

top 40 homo-erotica fell out of favor.

What do you mean?

"Back Door Lover" is a classic. So is "Fisting in the USA."

Yo, what's up with your boy Travis?

Bummer times on our journey.

And we're here with a wickity wickity warning.

Oh, God. They're going to sing.

DuJour means may day.

-Oooh! -DuJour!

DuJour meets death, y'all.

Lee? They must have said a bad word.

-Oh, God! -What the?!

Aah!

Okay, people, we've got just five minutes for corpse selfies,

and then we're back on the road.

Okay, big smiles.

Selfie!

Mary, I'm home.

Dinner's cold, but I suppose you ate at the bar.

Oh, God, I had one beer.

How much sherry did you pound down making that

two ingredient meat loaf?

Don't raise your voice. You're scaring little Archie.

Oh, you noticed we had a child?

Now that it's convenient?

I play with him all day long, Fred.

I got bruises on my knees.

I'm on the floor playing with him so much.

Oh, you've got bruises all right.

From falling down drunk

from sherry, drinking it.

You know what? I want a divorce.

And I'm taking Archie. Archie, come to me.

No, I'm the only mother you'll ever have.

Come to Mommy.

Archie, you love me. Prove it. Choose me.

No, Archie, come to me.

Choose the one you love the most.

Don't you fuck this up, Archie.

Come to me! Come to me!

Oh, God, oh, God. What have we done?

I'm so sorry, Archie.

I'm sorry, Mary. Let it be okay.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Oh, Fred, we've scarred them for life.

You'll be fine, won't you, son? You'll -- you'll be okay.

You have to choose Archie, me or Veronica.

Uh, uh, uh...

Uh, what the hell is wrong with him?

Today is Sex Education Day, class.

The boys are with Principal Weatherbee,

the poor bastard.

And I'll be teaching you ladies.

This is the vagina.

We've lost Miss Cooper.

Any other shrinking violets ready to tap out?

Excuse me, but shouldn't we learn about sex

from someone...experienced?

I think what Veronica means is the modern sexual experience

is likely somewhat different than what you grew up with.

I'll have you know I had sex last week.

Team work, boys. Team work.

Let me juggle them balls.

Yep, that's hot.

Oh, the hell with this.

I wonder how the Bee is doing.

Raise your hand if you've seen porn.

It will never be that good.

Man: Let the first annual Riverdale Pride parade begin.

Pride Day!

We support you!

Great bravery, Kevin!

Yeah, baby!

Man: And that concludes the Riverdale Pride parade.

That went so much better

than our Black History Month parade, right?

Yeah, a Black history parade with our only Black guy

kind of sucked, Chuck.

You knew I was out of town.

Miss Spellman!

Are you ready to sign the Book of the Beast?!

Mm, I don't know.

This decision will affect my entire life.

-Do it! -Do it!

Oh...

18% interest on a student loan?

That's bullshit.

What's up, fart sticks?

It's your boy, the myth, the legend, the mantle, Reggie.

Announcer: That's a big boy.

I'm here at Sweetwater River Trail

to show you all the places I've totally s-s-s-scored!

Like behind that tree and that smaller tree.

And -- what the hell is this? Is that Jason?

Jason, are you dead, dude? Oh, man.

Did you pork your sister so many times

you kill-basa'd over?

Incest is hilarious, man.

That's some "Game of Thrones" shit.

Well, there you have it, nug muffins.

All the places I've gone to Poundtown and a dead body!

Hey, anyone see Principal Weatherbee

come out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck on his shoe?

What a loser.

Don't you mean poor, old, and fat loser?

That's the loser hat trick.

Here we go again.

Here we go. You got this.

Piece of shit.

What are you looking at?

Their faces practically the same

My phone.

I'm just a man. I'm just a man.

What's up, taint tubas?

So it turns out the people aren't huge fans of me