Crowded

Have you ever noticed there are no female cereal mascots?

How does eating cereal become a feminist issue?

There's Tony the Tiger; Toucan Sam; Snap, Crackle, and Pop; Captain Crunch.

What about Fruity Pebbles? Pebbles is a girl.

Nice try, but Fred and Barney are on the box.

What do you want from me?

Dad, what are you doing here?

That's a greeting?

No "Hello, Dad, nice to see you"?

Hello, Dad, nice...

Now it's too late.

We've got a hankering for lemonade.

You've always got this weird bowl full of lemons

just sitting here doing jack squat.

You never use them.

Not once have we tasted a dish in this house that had a lemon flavor.

Just take 'em.

Oh, my God, I just got a job interview at the Weisman Space Center!

- Oh, congratulations, sweetheart. - Fantastic.

I'll be honest; I never got this ladies-in-space stuff

until I saw Sandy Bullock in that "Gravity."

But I think she handled herself real well.

I've always wanted to work at the Weisman. I'm so excited!

Oh, no.

I can already feel the sleep I'm not gonna get tonight.

I should have slept more last night;

but if I'd known, I wouldn't have slept at all.

What if I screw it up? Then I'll never sleep.

Knowing you, you'll get the job, you're gonna do great,

and you're gonna win a Nobel Prize.

I do have my speech ready.

But what if it sounds over-rehearsed?

What if it's too long?

What if they play me off with that weird Norwegian award music?

The point is, we're taking the lemons. Come on, Alice. Let's go.

So, viewers, this is my kitchen.

There's my nerdy sister.

There's my giant dad.

- Wave to the camera, Dad. - No.

Classic Dad.

- Tell me what's happening. - Stella's got a YouTube channel.

I'm giving Mom an on-camera makeover for your date tonight.

My fans are very excited.

I took this from Sephora.

You can also buy it, but that's more expensive.

Oop! Purse spill, BRB.

What's with all the pills?

Just the usual.

Birth control.

Plan B in case I forget to take my birth control.

Oh, and my actress pills.

I have an antianxiety prescription to help me with auditions.

Now you have an anxiety problem?

Not after a glass of Pinot and two of these bad boys.

What is this one?

It's Viagra.

Way to act like you didn't know, Dad.

You dating some super-old guy?

And if you are, can he marry you and pay your bills?

Lots of young guys take Viagra as a party drug.

They say it's even more fun when you don't need it.

Anyway, it's not mine; I'm holding it for a friend.

Whoa, that's the first time I've said that and it was true.

Oh, she missed one.

It's an antianxiety pill.

You know, I do have that job interview.

Maybe I should take it to smooth out my edges.

I don't think taking floor pills is the answer.

Look, your mother is a therapist. Why don't you go talk to her?

I'll do that, and I'll give this back to Stella.

On the one hand, I should be able to

deal with my stress without taking this pill.

On the other hand,

I just took it.

Uh... ooh...

Oh, hey, sweetie!

Come look at my makeover.

Aw, Mom.

You're such a pretty mom.

So, so pretty.

Pretty, pretty Mom.

Wow, thank you, honey.

Dad tells me you're nervous about your job interview.

Just remember, keep your shoulders loose; don't turtle.

Aww, turtles.

And don't forget I'm a resource.

Helping anxious people is exactly the kind of thing I went to school for,

- so people should take advantage of... - Okay, bye-bye.

Look at you. Stella did a great job.

I know! Some YouTube commenter named ILoveMILFs...

made a comment so filthy, it was in violation

of their Terms of Service policy. Isn't that sweet?

Congratulations.

On a related topic, a recreational party enhancer

happens to have fallen into my hands.

What did Stella give you?

She didn't give it to me. She dropped it and I found it. But...

turns out it's not just for old couples in side-by-side outdoor bathtubs.

But, honey, you don't need it.

I know, but what if it makes me 22 again?

Mm, to be honest, I remember 22-year-old Mike as energetic but unschooled.

Because he didn't have the knowledge and technique of modern-day Mike.

Think about it.

Experienced, thoughtful Mike up here,

22-year-old Mike down below.

Like some kind of mythological beast.

I'm rethinking my opposition.

Good, because I already took it.

Wow.

Wow.

The beast is no longer... mythological.

So why did you insist we go up in your chopper? What's the big mystery?

Well, I want to talk about something...

something that I'm not comfortable talking about on Earth.

Plus, this way, if it gets really awkward,

I can crash into some rocks and kill us both.

So what is it?

It's just... uh...

have you ever had to ask your doctor

if you were healthy enough for sex?

What the hell kind of relationship do you think I have with my doctor?

Have you ever needed to chemically assist your intimate performance?

Just come right out with it or crash us into those rocks down there.

Your call. I'm good either way.

Do you use Viagra?

No, I don't.

Nice talk. Take us down.

'Cause I tried one just for fun.

I was hoping I could borrow a couple from you, but never mind.

So was it fun?

- Yeah, it was like I was 22 again. - Hmm.

Okay, son, I think I know what you need to do.

Oh, yeah, what is that, Dad?

Get me some.

I'd like to be 22 again.

Big Swinging Bob was something to be reckoned with.

Wow, so he doesn't need anything.

At his age, impressive.

Please...

please, stop being impressed by my father's sexual prowess.

Honey, don't be so sensitive. We took it once for fun.

- You don't need it either. - Of course not, but it was fun, though.

It made me feel young again.

Made me feel young again too.

Maybe we should do it just one more time,

relive our youth.

But you'd have to get a prescription.

Not really. Stella's room is like a CVS.

Mike, we shouldn't invade her privacy like that.

Well, she invaded our privacy first by moving back in.

We're actually doing a service for the community.

We're taking drugs off the street.

And putting them in your body.

It's recycling. We're going green.

Oh, my God! Grandma's ring.

Didn't we tell the insurance company that was stolen?

Well, it technically was... by Stella.

Ah, jackpot.

I knew having kids would pay off one day.

- What are you guys doing here? - Um...

- So this is the load-bearing wall. - Oh!

What are you doing here, Shea?

I was just looking for one of, uh, Stella's, uh,

antianxiety pills!

Yeah, that's it!

Wait, that is it.

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

Open the hands.

My anxiety pills.

Let's see it, big guy.

Viagra.

Grandma's ring.

I mean, oh, my God, you found Grandma's ring!

Score!

Stella, I just needed the pills for this job interview I have coming up.

There's no way they're gonna hire anxious, stressed-out Shea.

But mellow Shea has a shot.

Look, honey, you're an adult.

If you want to take those pills, you can, but...

it's safer to get a prescription for them.

Wouldn't it be safer for you guys to get a prescription?

She's got us beat. Let's make a break for it.

Listen...

You didn't have to steal the pills.

You could have bought them from me.

Look, young lady, we need to have a talk about drugs...

maybe another time, when we're not stealing them from you, but...