Fresh Off the Boat

Orlando, 1995.

Just as glamorous as it sounds.

My dad moved our family there from D.C.

So he could open his own restaurant,

but business wasn't going quite the way he planned...

He planned to have customers, and he didn't.

Moms was worried, too, about money

and about fitting in with the neighborhood women.

So, "Melrose place"

is about prostitutes who are mad at each other.

Yes.

The one person who never seemed to worry

was my younger brother Emery.

He blended in like a chameleon.

My favorite movie's "gremlins."

And grandma and Evan were just hanging out, squishing bugs.

And that's me, your boy Eddie huang,

still straight struggling to fit in at my new school.

Dude, are those nurse's shoes?

Yeah, they're your mom's.

My mom does happen to be a nurse,

and she helps sick people get better.

Can't wait to tell everybody

the new Chinese kid wears nurse's shoes.

Walter's not wearing Jordans, either!

He doesn't need to... He's black.

That's like built-in Jordans.

This school's ridiculous.

They were jerks, but remember,

this was 1995, before the Internet.

I couldn't just search "Asian kids who like hip-hop."

I had to figure out a way to fit in

or be stuck eating lunch with the janitor and his kite.

I'm just saying, don't call it a seasonal fruit salad

if it's nothing but melons.

Captions by vitac ...

My famous tuna salad.

Mmm!

Mac and cheese with bacon bits.

Ooh!

Stinky tofu.

Hmm.

That's exotic. Hmm.

How is this Fuller than before?

Aren't you gonna try some?

Oh! No.

But I admire you for making it.

It's that enterprising spirit

that made Taiwan a world power in little league baseball.

I watched a documentary about China in college.

You guys, I am so excited for this year's block party.

I am so excited about our karaoke number. Oh!

What's the party for?

The Daytona 500.

What's the Daytona 500?

We watch cars race around speedways 200 times,

stopping only for fuel or engine maintenance,

and although the ultimate cup winner

is decided by an elaborate points system,

individual race winners can still celebrate

by getting a grandfather clock or drinking a glass of milk.

Caveat... drinking milk isn't specifically nascar,

but auto racing in general. Mm.

Do you have any aspirin?

Hey, there, neighbor!

Hello, neighbor.

I'm Louis. I'm Marvin.

Hello. This is honey.

Hello. Hi!

We just got back from a month in the keys.

Oh, that's wonderful

you took your daughter on such a nice vacation!

Your dad is a good man.

Listen to him.

Stay in school.

She's my wife.

Of course she's your wife.

She doesn't look like you at all.

Yikes.

Oh, no.

You're reading Stephen king. What's wrong?

I have nothing in common with these neighborhood women.

I miss my friends back in D.C.

We had such pleasant talks.

I guess I'm just lonely.

You'll make new friends. It just take time.

And stop reading that book.

Those stories always give you nightmares.

You know what gives me nightmares?

Our bank account.

Stephen king should publish my checkbook.

Mom, can I get the new air Jordans?

Wh... Why not?

They don't cost that much.

My sneakers aren't fine.

You never let me get anything!

God!

Wh...

I'm looking forward to when he wants a car.

And there's a point system,

and then something happens with a clock,

and then the winner drinks milk.

I love it. I love it.

Okay, this block party is a great opportunity

for us to network and promote the restaurant.

When is it? I don't know.

There's a party-planning meeting tonight.

I sent representatives.

Look, Alice, I don't want to sound like a broken record,

but why not a petting zoo?

We need to show people

that cattleman's ranch has great food, you know?

We got to generate a buzz to bring in the customers.

I'll get a meat smoker. We'll give out steak and ribs.

No, are you crazy?

We cannot afford to just give away food!

The restaurant's not making any money.

We can barely pay our bills.

Jessica, it's important

to project the image you want people to see.

If you want to be successful,

you have to project success.

That's what I needed to do.

I wanted to change the way the kids at school saw me,

so I turned to the one person

who could guide me through this...

Ol' dirty bastard.

That's it... a hot girl was the ultimate status symbol.

Even if I couldn't have Jordans,

if I had a fine shorty on my arm...

Psss... wouldn't matter.

Thanks, o.D.B.!

Be right back! Taking out the trash!

Eddie!

That's very expensive!

If you want to waste something, you waste water!

Do not throw juice!

Mom, get out of my fantasy.

Jessica, water doesn't project success.

Capri sun does.

As does cattleman's ranch ribs...

Great pork at a fair price.

Come on, fly girls. Try a rib. Tell a friend.

This is not free, okay? Here we go.

I am going to charge you all.

Dad saw an opportunity

to promote our restaurant at the nascar party.

He just needed to figure out what the hell nascar was first.

Hello. Uh, do you have any nascar videos?

Car or truck, cup series or busch,

short track or road race?

I...

Uh, which one is the milk?

All right. Come on.

Come on.

Let's go walk past the adult section

and try to see inside.

I thought those were the westerns.

Only the sexy ones.

They die and leave their wives their money.

"Dolores claiborne."

Sometimes, they're driving home

from their mistress's apartment,

and their brakes suddenly fail.

An accident, Dolores... An accident, Dolores...

can be an unhappy woman's best friend. Can be an unhappy woman's best friend.

My husband doesn't like it when I watch Stephen king movies.

He thinks I get scared.

That's the best part.

It's my favorite part.

My husband, Marvin, and I are your neighbors.

Oh, I'm Jessica. It's so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

I'm so hungover.

What?

Hey, girl.

How you livin'?

I'm fine.

Uh, hi. I'm honey.

Yeah, you are.

Eddie, stop acting weird.

Go to the bathroom. We're leaving soon.

A'ight, mama. A'ight.

He seems nice.

What was that?

Phase one of my plan.

I need the guys from school to see me with her.

No one's gonna care I'm not wearing Jordans after that.

But she's, like, a woman.

Exactly!

A fine-ass woman like that

leaning on me like in rap videos,

that'll get me mad respect, son.

And these skittles

are compliments of that gentleman over there.

Go on, girl! Taste the rainbow!

You know who win every race?

The advertising companies.

Little Debbie.

I knew a Debbie once, but she was not little.