Tales from the Crypt

Poor little fellas.

When I think of their childhood...

all those cute little maggots.

Our story...

is about a man with nobler ambitions.

He likes to kill human pests...

and he does it in front of an audience.

Now, that's entertainment.

So hang on to your hats, kiddies.

This one's a real shocker.

This here is Charlie Ledbetter...

sitting in his cell out at the state penitentiary.

It's long about midnight.

Charlie's going to die in a few minutes.

One thing Mr. Ledbetter ain't thinking about...

is Joe Saylor, his old boss.

One day, Charlie had a half pint of vodka for lunch...

he got to thinking about how they turned him down for that raise.

He felt real bad about that, old Charlie did.

He'd been working there for seven years, and didn't have much to show for it.

So he went down and got his cold blue. 44...

out of the glove box of his Chevy...

and took it up to Mr. Saylor's office.

Two slugs went into Saylor...

three went wild...

last one went through a glass wall...

into a secretary who was passing by.

Got her right behind the ear.

Killed her big as hell.

Kind of a lucky shot, really.

About the only kind of luck Charlie Ledbetter ever had.

I guess right now Charlie Ledbetter's starting to think pretty serious...

about that Valley of Death.

He's thinking about that rubber diaper they gave him to wear.

Wondering if he'll crap all over himself when I juice him in a couple of minutes.

It ain't right.

He will.

It ain't right.

First thing you got to understand...

is when it's their time, all these big tough guys go yellow.

Crying, hollering, screaming...

and blubbering, "The Governor is gonna call," and all that.

I been here 12 years, and the Governor ain't called yet.

People say the damnedest things about electrocutions.

They say your eyeballs pop out and black blood comes out your mouth.

They say you get all foamy like a rabid dog.

All that's bullshit. It ain't true at all.

Nice thing about electricity is it's clean.

Of course, I have seen a few heads smoke after it's all over.

A smoking head ain't very pretty.

No.

Just wait a minute!

He's going to call!

The Governor's going to call!

He's going to give me a stay!

Yes, he will. No!

He's got to!

Knock it off, Charlie. Quit being so damn chickenshit.

You killed somebody. Now you're going to do the hot squat.

It all evens out, don't it, baby?

Why are you doing this?

People tell me most executioners never look the prisoners in the eye...

afraid they're gonna get spooked or something.

Not me.

I always look.

Okay, Mr. Ledbetter.

You're all ready for your regulation two jolts the state requires.

I think we should proceed now. There's been no word from the Governor.

Yes, sir. We're all set.

Let us pray.

"As I enter here..."

"with a sense of my own unworthiness, O Lord Jesus Christ..."

"of my own ugliness..."

"may the blessings of God in unmixed joy..."

No! It's not right!

"Unworthy though I be, may my entry be blessed by you who are holy..."

"you who are merciful, you who abide..."

They say the electric current's so fast...

that the brain gets cooked just as soon as the switch is thrown...

the prisoner never feels a thing.

I'd hate to think that was true.

I'm a country boy, but I like the city.

It's big. It's dirty.

Lets you know what it really is.

But at night, there's all those lights.

It's real pretty, isn't it?

My name is Niles Talbot.

I've been the executioner in this state for the last 12 years.

When I got here from Oklahoma, I caught on as an electrician...

then after a while I got a job out to the prison...

taking care of the generators.

I like electricity.

It's dependable. You can trust it.

A lot of states do it with gas or with some lethal injection.

I don't take to that.

That's how you kill a dog or cat or something, not a man.

It's got to be the old electric chair for me.

Special agents called Coyote Busters.

The effort, which often includes agents...

from the Drug Enforcement Administration, the FBI and other...

Yeah?

Cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee, black.

Elsewhere today, the legislature's prepared to vote...

whether or not to rescind the death penalty in this state...

only a few hours after the execution of Charles Ledbetter.

Opponents claim the death penalty is an effective deterrent...

against violent crime...

and its abolition will only push the crime rate higher...

and produce more overcrowding in our prisons.

Many also claim that execution is still murder in the eyes of God.

I'm terribly sorry, Niles.

It wasn't your fault. Nothing you could do.

I've got to admit, the damn thing caught me by surprise.

If you like, I can write you a letter of recommendation.

I was hoping I'd get my old job back.

You still need somebody to look after the generators at the powerhouse.

We already have someone for that, Niles.

You remember, you trained them.

I've been working here a lot of years.

Two in the electric shop, another 12 throwing the switch for the state.

Don't seniority count for something?

It's not that, Niles.

It's just that...

we thought it wouldn't be good to have you around the prisoners.

They all know what you did.

They all know you were the man who...

- It could get pretty ugly. - It's nothing I can't handle.

Somebody gets out of line, I can take care of myself.

I can't let it come to that, Niles.

I'm sure if you think about it, you'll understand.

Yeah, I understand.

I guess this ain't the kind of work they give you a gold watch for, is it?

One thing a man needs is a friend...

someone to talk to when you're feeling down and out.

I suppose that's why they invented bars.

You can nurse a drink, think things over...

have a little chat.

All of a sudden, things ain't as bad as they seem.

Most barroom conversations is either about baseball, football, boxing, or pussy.

But with me, it's different.

People usually want to talk to me about my job.

I guess I ought to say my ex-job.

This one's on me, Mr. Talbot.

It's goddamn criminal.

I can't believe those chickenshit politicians really did it.

After all those years of service...

they canned you like you were some fucking guinea off the boat.

I hate to see talent go to waste.

It's a fucking shame.

Thank you, Vic. You're a real buddy.

They're doing lots of shows on TV about the whole thing.

TV people don't know nothing.

They want to do something good, what they really ought to do...

is put a lot of little TVs in all the cells...

of all the prisons, you know, closed circuit...

so that all the guys who are locked up...

can watch their buddy when he gets cooked.

- That might be a real education. - I'd watch it.

There was this editorial on TV...

and the commentator was saying how...

if they televised executions...

the whole county would just stop the death penalty.

They'd be too sick and wouldn't let it happen again.

Fucking guys on TV, what do they know?

Let me tell you something.

If they put executions on TV...

it would be the fucking highest-rated show of all time.

It'd be Neilsens through the roof.

The other networks would start killing people just to compete.

Pretty soon, Geraldo Rivera would be pulling that switch.

It's all a big food chain.

We eat shit, and shit eats us.

They canned me from my job because they're afraid of me.

They're afraid of death.

They don't see it's all around them.

It's a disease.

You eat it, you drink it, you breathe it, you fuck it.

We're all pregnant with it.

It's growing inside all of us...

like them over there.

You see those two junkies?

Pitiful bastards, ain't they?