Jackass: The Movie

Hi. I'm Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to Jackass.

Hello. I'm Johnny Knoxville

and I'm about to rent a car.

What's up?

Uh, I have a reservation.

Okay, I need a driver's license and a credit card.

All right.

I need a signature here

that you're going to use your coverage instead of ours.

Is that white one us?

Yes.

We're gonna walk around and inspect it together.

Looks pretty good.

I'm just looking for dents and major scratches.

Yeah.

Something major, gonna write it down.

Little ding there.

Yeah.

No, we'll take good care of her.

Thank you. Have a good week.

You, too. Thank you.

I'm Johnny.

Hey.

We're gonna be doing

a hell of a lot of work here today.

Trust us. We're gonna have fun.

Hi. I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is called the...

Oh, fuck!

Shut the car off.

Oh, fuck!

I guess we didn't reinforce the windshield.

That fucker comes... missed me by that much.

That's why you got the roll bars behind you, dude.

Whose car is this?

This is your guys' car.

I rented it from you earlier.

Yes. Yeah, wha...?

Yeah, I hit a dog.

A dog isn't gonna do that.

Come on in.

I had a accident, as you can see.

I was... I mean, I drink.

I just black out, so I, um...

Were you drinking or anything?

Yeah, I had a little, to be honest.

Is there any license plates on it?

There was.

Yeah?

Well, hopefully you guys will incur some of the cost.

Oh, no.

'Cause I rented it from you guys fair and square.

I don't want to get stuck with the whole charge of it.

Well, you are going to get stuck with the entire thing.

Well, I don't think I should.

I think you guys should help.

No. You declined any additional coverage.

Right there. You declined it.

Yeah, but that's just paperwork, you know?

It's a legal contract.

Yeah, but I was a little... I was...

I had a few to drink when I signed that, too, so...

We're gonna have to get this worked out.

Yeah, you're gonna have to pay for that car.

Well, you're gonna have to help me pay for that car.

No, we don't do that.

I returned it with a full tank of gas.

You returned it demolished.

Well, it's got a full tank of gas.

That's the least of our worries right now, is the gas.

Oh.

This is an unmitigated outrage.

I've never seen anything like this before.

What does that mean?

No one's ever done that.

Well, I can't pay for it.

Well, you're gonna have to.

Well, I ain't.

Look, I'm gonna let you two guys work it out

and I'm gonna go outside

but, um, that car's gonna have to be paid for.

"F" you!

You all right?

You all right?

Knoxville knocked my nuts in half.

This is...

Oh, it hurts my teeth!

I can't even turn it off.

I thought it was supposed to help.

Okay, you ready?

Yeah.

Okay, okay, I got it. I'm taking care of you.

- It's all right. Okay. - Oh, my God, it's so bad.

It's cool. You cool?

I'm good. Okay.

Come on.

Ease up. Come on. Daddy's gotcha.

Oh, my God, it's so fucking bad.

Daddy's gotcha. Come on.

Whoo!

You're gonna have tits of steel.

Oh!

Yeah, you're so buff right now.

Yeah, this goes on the gooch.

Yeah, it goes-goes around.

This goes on the gooch.

Oh, dude, he's done.

Who's gonna do the gooch?

In case you didn't know what the gooch is

the gooch is the spot

between your balls and butt hole, and...

Ooh!

Oh!

- Ooh! - Does it smell?

- Does it smell like "man"? - Smell.

Just smell it. Just smell it.

Ehren, smell it.

No, come on.

All right, let's zap my nuts.

Yeah, yeah, let's get it over with.

- Are we ready? - They're so gone, man.

Okay.

He likes it! He li...

He likes it.

Afternoon. How you doing?

Oh...

Son of a bitch.

What happened?

Oh, man! Oh!

Aw, fuck! Oh!

Well, now the cats are rockin'

And everyone's feeling all right

And on a Wednesday evening, there's sure gonna be a fight

Yeah, a fight

I say somebody's gonna get their head kicked in tonight

Well, now everybody's groovin'

And everyone's shouting for more

More

I say there's gonna be a pool of blood...

I say somebody's gonna get their head kicked in tonight

We're gonna rip up the chairs

Tear down the walls

Smash up the band

And really have a ball...

The whole dance hall will be a total mess

Well, the cats are rockin'

And everyone is feelin' all right

All right...

Whoa!

I say somebody's gonna get their head kicked in tonight

Whoa!

Oh...

Yes! That was the best thing I've ever seen.

Tear down the walls Smash up the place

Really have a ball...

And the whole dance hall will be a total mess...

Oh, fuck, dude.

Oh!

...And on a Wednesday evening, there's sure gonna be a fight

Be a fight!

I say somebody's gonna get their head kicked in tonight.

Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?

Get over here!

Help him! Help him! Help him!

Medic!

No, no, no, no.

Don't move him. Don't move him!

Oh, shit.

That had bad news written all over it.

Are you okay? You all right?

That was like the worst thing

that could ever happen right there.

John can't drive for shit.

I don't know what happened.

I just remember we went in the air

and the next thing I know I'm... just fucked.

Look at that cart.

Dude, you were hauling so much ass.

We're here in Tokyo, and I feel like partying.

Hi. I'm Party Boy.

Oh, can I try this?

Here we go.

It's my party music.

You like it?

Kind of makes you wanna party, huh?

Kind of feel like partying right now.

Ready?

See, that's what the big ones do

but sometimes they don't wanna...

Ow!

Fuck!

Don't pull on it, man.

You can't pry his mouth open.

It's slowly getting weightless.

Is he over?

No, you're twisting him!

You're fuckin' twisting him!

Oh, fuck! He's-He's got my nipple, dude.

He's got my fuckin' nipple.

Wait, wait, wait, he's gonna help you.