Bean

We could just fire him.

He'll need three months' notice.

Stuff and nonsense. Leave it to me.

I'll talk to the chairman and insist on Mr Bean's dismissal.

Back to the agenda.

The Grierson Gallery of California has recently received

a private donation of fifty million dollars

to buy Whistler's portrait of his mother

from the Musee D'Orsay in Paris.

It is simply the most historic purchase

made by an American gallery this century.

It's as simple as this.

The greatest painting ever by an American artist

is returning to America.

From now on, Whistler's Mother lives here in Los Angeles

where she belongs!

When will we actually see her?

The unveiling will be in about two weeks - you're all invited!

They've asked us to send a scholar

of great weight and substance to preside over the ceremony

and stay on for lectures and seminars.

Dr Rosenblum...

Dr Cutler...

You both hold high claim on this great honour.

- The chairman's here, sir. - Excellent. Send him in.

Run and fetch Mr Bean, will you?

- We're about to fire him. - Marvellous.

Mr Bean is the worst employee in the gallery's history.

Good afternoon, sir.

Sit down.

Before moving on to the major business,

I'd like to broach the question of Mr Bean.

Mr Bean has worked for us for many years.

And will for many more.

I employed this splendid young man

when I did YOUR job, Charles,

and I'll resign if you go near him.

He's a fine young fellow.

Absolutely. Quite right.

Moving on... um...

The Grierson Gallery of California

needs a representative of our great gallery.

They are looking for a scholar of the very highest standing.

I have therefore decided to recommend for the post...

and the three months' sabbatical that goes with it...

that splendid employee -

Mr Bean!

Yes!

- All in favour? - YES! YES!

Excellent! Carried.

Our loss is America's gain.

David, the Royal National Gallery wants a guy called Bean

to represent them.

Can't say I've heard of him.

The letter's signed by Rosenblum and Cutler.

That's impressive.

They say "he's a man whose incontrovertible genius

Rosenblum and Cutler said that?

You asked for England's top man. I delivered him.

It sounds like it.

However, before we confirm,

Bernice feels we'd get more media attention

with someone from the entertainment industry.

I believe we could get...

Jon Bon Jovi.

Jon Bon Jovi?

- To unveil Whistler's Mother? - Yes.

I have nothing against Jon Bon Jovi.

He's had two great hairstyles in ten years,

an achievement not to be sniffed at.

But, so far as I know, Mr Jovi knows nothing

about 19th-Century Impressionism.

It isn't mentioned in his songs.

- But David... - This is not a rock video.

This is a great and serious work of art,

and Dr Bean will give the occasion depth and dignity.

You're right. We go with Bean.

- But, George... - No, David's our curator.

It's his decision, his responsibility,

ultimately, his neck.

- Where will he stay? - I have an interesting idea.

Here? In our house?

For two months?

Oh-ho, David ... suddenly there's no hotels in LA?

No need to get excited.

This is the Royal National Gallery's top man.

I thought it'd be exciting

to have him around to learn from, talk to...

What do we know about him?

They'd mention if he was a serial killer

Are you feeling lucky, punk?

- David, over my dead body! - Ali...

I'd like to put it on the table right now!

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

It'll be great for the kids.

You're kidding!

It's gonna be great!

Let's say there is a chart

of the most intelligent people you've ever met.

Number one is Dr Bean.

Kevin, sometimes you ask me questions I can't answer.

Like, "What's an IUD?"

More like, "What's the meaning of life?"

- I never asked you that. - That doesn't matter!

What I'm saying is, Dr Bean is a remarkable man.

He could be cute.

The guy's gonna be a creep!

All Englishmen are ugly -

I look at Prince Charles and weep.

So he looks like Meatloaf's butt.

If we get lucky.

Jennifer, nobody is asking you to marry him.

Why have a family conference? Dad's made up his mind.

Perceptive child.

What's wrong with Meatloaf's butt?

C'mon, it'll be great.

Dr Bean is a genius of the highest order.

Good evening.

No, sir. You're in First Class.

Good evening.

Good evening, sir. May I take your coat?

- Simple poster. Nice and big. - A bargain at $9.99.

- Spencer? - Yes, sir.

Bath towel.

Pushing your luck a little.

It'll sell.

It's Whistler's Sister.

You are kidding.

No, sir. We have a range for every member of the family.

Whistler's Mother's cookies.

Whistler's Father's beer mug.

Here's one for the younger brother range.

Whistler's whistle. You blow up her ass.

Here, try.

I don't feel well.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I think we're looking for a Brad Pitt look-alike.

Police!

Move on him now!

Watch it! Out of the way!

A 415, man with a gun heading into Terminal Two!

Get some people here!

Police coming through!

Lady, watch it!

There he is!

Everyone on the floor! Now!

- Not you, sweetie. - Oh, right.

Carefully take out your weapon,

holding the butt with two fingers.

Slowly place it on the floor and take three steps back.

- What is this? - I don't know. Weird.

Mr Bean,

are you on any medication?

Not that I know of.

Well, you could certainly use some.

So, Doctor...

Bean.

Yes, OK, Dr Bean.

Well, you... you made it.

- Nice flight? - Hm-mmh-ghhh...

This is Kevin.

This is Jennifer. She's very excited about meeting you.

My wife, Alison.

David, could I have the tiniest talk with you?

All right. We just...

I appreciate he seems a little eccentric.

There are Martians exiled from Mars for looking weird

who look less weird than him.

- He has an original quality. - He goes.

Wow! That was amazing!

Can you do this?

No, but I can do this.

- How do you do that? - Magic.

- You'll tell him? - Yes.

- Today? - Today seems a good day.

Well, sir. An unorthodox start.

I guess I never expected things with a man of your calibre

to be normal.

I've never read your writings.

What exactly is your position at the gallery?

I sit in the corner and look at the paintings.

That is brilliant!

If only more scholars would do that -

just sit and look, not lecture, write and argue -

just sit and look at the paintings. Brilliant!

- Morning, Elmer. - Good morning, sir.

- Dr Bean. - Oh.

If you'd like to sign in, sir.

Thank you. Welcome to the Grierson.

Welcome to my world.

We're expected in Grierson's office at 9am.

He doesn't like to be kept waiting, so...

- Do you mind...? - Absolutely, you bet.

Doctor, we should go. We're very late.

Oh, we... Doctor, if you're ready.

Ah, David, finally. >

Our professor from across the sea.

- George Grierson, Dr Bean. - I'm delighted, Doctor.

- Actually, I'm not... - A photo, sir?

We expect a great deal of you, Doctor.