The Middle

Thanksgiving-- that time of year

when the whole country scurries about

hunting and gathering for the holiday feast.

What are you doing?

Frugal Hoosier started charging 10 cents for bags,

so I told them to find another sucker,

and I beat 'em at their own game.

Oh. Listen to this.

I saw this flier that says you can sign up

to host two Marines at your Thanksgiving dinner.

How cool would that be?

Well, it depends on whose house they're going to.

Come on. It's the Marines.

We don't do anything for this country.

All we have is that "support our troops" bumper sticker,

and Axl turned it into "support our poops."

Plus Nancy Donahue doesn't have any.

We'd be the only ones on the block.

You really want to invite

outside observers into this place?

I actually think it would be nice to have guests.

- We've already got your parents coming. - They're not guests.

- Sure feel like guests when they kick me out of my bed. - Mike...

Don't say my name and think you can make me do stuff.

Well, I was hoping you'd have a different reaction,

'cause I already signed us up.

What? Why'd you even ask?

Because I had to act quick.

I was afraid they were gonna run out of Marines.

There aren't that many of them, you know.

It's right there in the motto--

"The few, the proud."

I gotta say, I thought you'd be more patriotic about this.

I am being patriotic. These people fight for our country.

Haven't they been through enough?

Oh, crap. I think I left the frozen food on the porch.

Brick!

This book is life-changing.

Mom dropped me at the library

to find the perfect holiday read,

and out of nowhere, it just appeared to me.

"The real true behind-the-scenes story

of the making of Erich Segal's 1970's classic, Love Story."

Really? All the books they got in the library,

and that's the one you picked?

Have you read it? It's fascinating.

How did I go so long without finding this?

It's a Thanksgiving gift, I tell you.

A gift.

You know, the only thing that would have made that better

is if strangers were here to see it.

Meanwhile, Brick wasn't the only one

with a fascination for the library.

Over the past few weeks,

Axl had become very focused on his studies.

So the biggest thing you need to study for your test is...

"The legislative branch."

Wow.

Your handwriting's pretty...

Terrible. Uh, but I can say that

'cause my handwriting is awesome.

Maybe I need a handwriting tutor.

Maybe you do.

"Axl...

is...

brilliant."

Pretty impressive, huh?

Uh-huh. It'd be even more impressive

if you spelled "brilliant" with two L's.

Oh, it's my boyfriend calling from Northwestern.

I should take this.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

Yeah, I gotta get to the foot doctor anyway.

You know. I'll see you later,

and just don't worry about, uh, anything.

Just... uh, good luck.

Okay, no unauthorized non-mascots are allowed in here,

so tell nobody what you are about to see.

Where's the head?

Brad, the head is gone!

Gone!

The crack in my foot is gone!

The Ax Man's back in the game!

Stomp on my foot! Go ahead! I'm healed!

I'm a medical miracle!

Are you serious?

Doctor says as long as he's not in pain,

he's good to go.

Does that mean he can play Friday?

With the recruiters there?

Yep. We might not have to pay for college

with our kidneys after all.

Oh!

Oh, Mike!

You know what? I'm telling you, Mike,

us opening our hearts to the Marines

is the reason he got better so fast.

You put good out into the world,

and good comes back to you.

We would have been here two hours ago!

But Vasco de Gama here decided

to take one of his legendary shortcuts.

He got so lost, we never got to stop at Costco!

What, so you couldn't get your giant pop and hot dog?

Do you know how many carbs are in one of them buns?

You lose 4 pounds,

and suddenly you're Jack Lalanne!

- Happy Thanksgiving! - Happy Thanksgiving!

And come hell or high water,

I was determined it was gonna be.

'Cause turns out we had a lot to be grateful for this year.

And Axl couldn't wait to share the good news.

I'm cured! The Ax Man has riseth!

Or is it "risen-eth"? Doesn't matter.

'Cause my foot healed three weeks early.

Stomp on my foot. Go ahead. Honestly. I'm fine.

Wow, that's great, Axl, but I'm kind of busy here.

Gene has a big test on world War II tomorrow.

Well, grab a pencil, Gene. We won.

And you know who else is gonna win Friday night?

Orson, when we kick Roosevelt's butt!

So you're actually gonna play in the game?

You really think that's a good idea?

Uh, it's not just a game, it's the championship,

which reminds me,

I'm gonna have to start leaving our sessions early

for practice, but...

Great. So you're gonna skip studying

so you can go bash your head into other guys' heads.

Sounds like a super solid plan.

You know what? Why don't we just skip it altogether?

Wow. You know what you should tutor people on?

How to ruin the world's greatest moment,

'cause you are awesome at it.

I don't know what to tell you, Axl.

Sorry this didn't happen

the way you played it all out in your head.

Let me tell you something.

This is not a normal response to awesome news, okay?

Guess what?! Playing in the championship Friday!

That was a normal response.

I've checked everywhere, and it's nowhere.

Not the dry cleaners, not the pizza place,

not the bleachers where I watch the guy mow the lawn.

The school trusted me with its mascot,

and I have let everyone down.

This is a disaster!

I'm literally a chicken with its head cut off.

Well, she wasn't the only one. Three days until Thanksgiving,

and we were nowhere near Marine-ready.

Ugh! I just want everything to look right for the Marines.

If I use this picture to cover the wallpaper scar,

does that look okay?

I'd lower it, like, 2 inches.

Yeah, listen to her. She's the expert on everything.

I married Mrs. Right.

I just didn't know her first name was "always."

Get this--

apparently, the scenes in Love Story

with Oliver walking through a snowy New York were added

after principal photography was completed.

After!

Oh, I just adored Love Story.

Hey, Brick, why don't I rent us a copy,

and you and I can watch it together?

Why would we do that?

I'm with you, Brick. Love Story was a lousy movie.

What do you know?

You slept through it like every movie we see.

Then you woke up and said it didn't make sense.

I'll tell you what was a good picture.

The Longest Day. You ever see that?

Don't need to. I'm living it.

Ugh. Jeez.

What is wrong with my parents?

You're gonna have to be more specific.

The bickering. It's nuts, right?

I don't get it. I mean, it seems to be getting worse.

It's worse, right?

Frankie, they've been together 50 years.

Just be happy they're not starring

in a Dateline unsolved mystery.

Well, I'm almost wondering

if having the Marines here is a good idea at all.

- Now you're wondering? - You know what it is?

They've been alone too long.

Maybe we need to remind them why they love each other.

Like, reboot their brains

so they start being nice to each other again.

What'd you do with my goji berries?

Oh, yeah, I live to hide your goji berries!

Good luck with that.

Come on. I'll throw you a couple.

No, thanks. I'm kind of busy here.

You're poking the earth with a stick.

What's going on with you, Axl?

You got a huge game Friday. The big comeback.

Everybody from school's gonna be there.

Not everybody.

What's that mean?