Almost 18 (Kohta 18)

Joni, do you remember a time...

When you were happy with your family?

You remember any?

Nah.

I don't remember. Sorry.

How would you like your mom to act when she's at home?

Like right now? She should just be, like, a mom.

What does that mean? Just a mom?

I don't have anyone to compare her to.

If you could wish anything?

I guess she'd want what's best for me.

You can't say I don't do that. I've tried my best.

ALMOST 18

- What the fuck? You're here already. - Hi.

Hi.

We were five guys. We were tight. Mostly.

I think we had pretty normal families...

Normal problems and normal feelings.

There was nothing we couldn't get over.

Hey, come join us!

Come.

At least give us your numbers.

Man, that was cold.

- This isn't my day. - There's more where they came from.

Karri's a mama's boy.

It always takes him time to warm up to things.

Guys. Stop fooling around.

His mom is okay.

Kind of a tight-ass, but okay.

When Karri fucks up, he always panics...

and then he fucks up even worse.

When I met him, he 'd just learned to ride a bike.

He rode it right into me.

But he didn't run off.

He stood there with blood on his face...

and said he was sorry.

Isn't the game over yet?

Wait.

The goalie makes a mistake.

Fuck! Fucking monkeys!

- Which? - Both. Fuck.

The guys can't lose focus now.

Or else the memories from both the Moscow and Finland games resurface.

4 - 7.

I honestly don't get it.

Isn't ice hockey about one team winning?

Losing is no one's fault, right?

Sure, it's no one's fault that Finland loses every time.

Let's cheer for the winners. Go, Sweden, go!

Then we'll cheer for the losers. Go, Finland, go!

Then I'll put on my mascara, and we'll go.

Stop talking about ice hockey. You know nothing about it.

How do you know?

I dated an ice hockey player once.

Oh, and that makes you an expert? Who was it?

I don't remember names.

He played for Raision kiekkoseura. The year was '83.

That team sucks!

This game is from 2003. It's 2010.

What's the use of listening to old games?

The year makes no difference. Finland always loses.

Our last driving lesson starts now.

I've been waiting for this moment.

- I won't have to see you anymore. - Right back at ya.

Check the traffic. Right and left.

- Move your head. That's it. - But you have to anticipate.

Breathe out, will you?

Pull up.

- When did you get home? - At around 8 or 9.

Stop lying. I was up at 11 and you weren't home. - In the morning.

Morning! Again! How many drinks did you have? - A couple.

- How many drinks? - Four, five, six. I don't know.

Beers? - And some liqueur. What's the difference?

- Get out of the car! - Fuck!

Look. Zero. Like I said.

Do it again. I didn't see you blow.

- Take the old route. - Again?

We'll do it till you learn.

- When I get my license... - If you do.

- If I do... can I borrow the car? - Not for driving the guys around.

Right. - Turn left. You can borrow it if I can come along.

Keep your car. I'll buy a motorcycle.

I just read in the paper that a biker crashed into a guardrail.

- You can drive your girlfriend. - What?

That's equal rights?

What's the difference between guys and girls? - Guys like to show off.

Right.

- Stay close to the side. - Yeah yeah.

That's it.

- What are you doing? - Looking.

- At them? - No, at the traffic.

- At those little hotsy totsies? - No, the traffic.

Let's show the hotsy totsies how we drive. - What are you doing?

- Don't ever date blondes. They're nothing but trouble. - Right.

They're all sluts.

- Who? - Blondes.

Just kidding.

Sometimes I think I'm a bad man.

- What song is this? - What song?

- This slow one. - It's as fast as the original.

- This is the original. - No, it's not.

- Yes, it is. - No, it isn't.

I haven't heard any other version!

Focus on the road.

- Turn your head. - "Turn your head."

And then we'll go.

- Why are you driving in circles? - You didn't tell me to turn.

- Turn left! The old route - I can't turn left here.

Oh, c'mon. Yes, you can.

I said the old route, so turn left here.

Then you should tell me to turn right.

You have to learn to think for yourself.

- Fine. We'll drive in circles then. - You gotta be kidding me!

- You have to use your head! - You're the teacher.

- Say "turn right." - No!

- Say it! - No!

Fine, we'll drive in circles then.

You have one message.

Hi, it's Jarska.

I got a letter saying I owe 5 euros in child support.

I can put it into your account if you send me the number.

Well... I guess that's all. Bye.

- Turn right here. - What?

Five minutes.

- I need to be in town at 3. - It won't take long.

- Don't you have enough of those? - You can never have enough.

- You'll have to assemble those yourself. - That's what I always do.

- What the hell? - It was an accident.

You'll never get a license, shithead.

- Your car is fine. - Fine?

- It's totally fine. - Look at it!

- Try to behave. Be a man. - You fuckin' try to behave!

Alright?

- How many pairs did you bring? - Enough.

- Did you buy them small again? - I just need to stretch them a bit.

Tonight is the taxi drivers' federation party.

Are those the Lubutubes?

- "Lubutubes..." - Whatever.

"Louboutins."

They're okay.

When I was a kid,

I got new clothes for the end of the school year

and the Christmas party. Everything else...

I forgot my sunglasses.

...I had to pay for myself.

Here we go again. Your childhood was so hard.

I don't mean that you should have it hard.

Besides, I just bought you...

a pair of super-expensive jeans and a cap. - "A cap."

You think you're the one with the bad childhood.

My dad was an alcoholic.

- Mine was violent. - Mine was on drugs. You told me.

We had to run and hide from him.

You didn't have to, thanks to me.

Thanks to you, I never saw my dad.

I wish I hadn't seen either your dad or mine.

One thing you had better than me.

Your mom was normal.

Mine's batshit insane.

For that, you'll practice parallel parking next.

Like that. Not too much.

Start turning those wheels.

Hi. Will this take long today?

As long as it takes for him to learn.

- Sorry. - No worries. Keep practicing.

Forward again, then reverse.

- Did you clean your room? - Yes. - No, you didn't.

Your clothes are all over the floor and there's dust on your computer.

I asked you to clean it two weeks ago.

- Were you in my room? - I peeked in. Do I need permission?

- Yes, you do. - Not as long as I pay the rent.

- It won't be for long. - What do you mean?

I'm getting my own place when I turn 18. In the summer.

In the summer? May I ask where you're planning to move?

- To Esplanade. - Esplanade?

- With what money? - Mine.

With the 70 euros you have left from your birthday money? - Yeah.

You're planning to break your piggy bank? - I'll find a rich wife.

Then you can't come by and ask if I've cleaned.

Tonight you'll clean your room and go to bed early, so you're calmer.

- You can't tell me what to do. I'm almost 18. - Right. Almost.

- I'll tell you what to do as long as I pay for everything. - Ooh, scary.

- In one ear and out... - Out the other.

You always say the same thing. I can't wait till I'm 18.

Freedom! What a wonderful word!

I look forward to it.

- I look more. - I do more. - I do.

Goddammit! Park the car now!

Get out of my car! No farting in my car!

Your car, your house! Keep your fuckin' car!

I'm getting a cab.

Karri!

Karri!

- Stop staring. - Karri baby...

Some things don't change whether you're 5 or almost 18.

If you need to pee or you're hungry, you throw a fit.

Or if you haven't slept enough.

- You should take me to Italy one day. - Is that your big dream?

You'll take your old mom to Italy.

Pomodori ripieni. Stuffed tomatoes.