Marvel's Avengers Assemble

1x06 - Super Adaptoid

You can run, but you can't fly!

I don't need to.

Really?

- Give up? - Do you?

We don't actually need to see you're scattered atoms to prove my point.

The point being your video game has some nice graphics? Sure.

Flattery won't get you un-atomized.

You want to survive, you got to change with the times.

Spend a few decades frozen in ice,

then we can talk about survival.

Sir, I believe you would call that a burn.

Point to Jarvis, master of the obvious.

I've already designed new armor for you, Cap,

plus an upgrade to the shield.

Don't worry, I kept the color scheme.

Tony, armor would slow me down

and my shield is like an extension of my arm.

- If you change it in any way... - Just say it.

Say, "Tony, I'm afraid of new tech."

Admitting you have a problem is always the first step.

Gosh, Mr. Big Brain, your modern tech is so gol-darn confusing.

How does this contraption turn water into coffee?

Is it coal power, or is it a miracle?

Hmm. Sarcasm must be a modern invention

because when you do it, it just sounds wrong.

Say, if I hit this, will the whole building just launch into the sky?

Uh, the Aven-Jet? Yes.

I know, I read the manual. I don't have a problem with technology.

But no machine can replace human intuition

- or just plain guts. - You're saying I don't have guts?

Sir, there's a broadcast I suggest you watch.

On your newfangled magic picture box?

Enough.

You call them "Avengers"? I call them loose cannons.

Hammer Tech offers better, safer high-tech protection from evil,

without the unbearable ego of Tony "The Phony" Stark.

Avengers, I challenge you. Come on down and see for yourself

that I can do a better job of hero-ing than you can.

I'm Justin Hammer, and I approve telling the Avengers

to stuff it for a safer America.

- Someone doesn't like you. - A lot of people don't like me.

None of them are as annoying as Justin Hammer.

Jarvis, get me coordinates and call the gang.

Hammer's a wannabe. Smart-ish.

He's a weapons tech guy, like I am.

- Only he's got no skill, talent, or tact. - Since when do you have tact?

- Why are we taking his bait? - Because on the off chance

he really did build something dangerous, we don't want a guy like Hammer

running around with an atomic bomb in his pocket.

- And he called you out on TV. - And that.

You accepted my invitation.

Mango iced tea? I made it myself.

Whatever sad, little game you're playing, Hammer,

let's get it over with so I can get back to something more meaningful.

Like anything.

I just wanted to run a little experiment.

The Avengers against one of my humble inventions.

Seriously? What could possibly...

Huh?

Meet the Super-Adaptoid, superhero of the future.

It's time to put your metal where your mouth is, Iron Man.

Wow! You invented a sucker punch machine.

Congrats!

Oh, he's a lot more than that. Go on, take a whack at him.

Guys, come on! Came all the way out here,

let's at least enjoy the show for a few seconds.

Maybe Stark will get punched again.

Thanks for the support, Hawkeye. You're the best.

Hammer's toy robot packs a wallop, barely.

Oh, look, it's scanning us for weaknesses. That is adorable.

Don't get cocky... cockier. It's learning.

Then let's take it to school.

I give him an F. Whoa.

F-minus.

In Asgard, we do not have a grading system such as this.

But I will play along.

I give him a G!

Make that an H.

Next time, school's out, then bam. Work for you?

Ah-ha! I see what you did there.

You ruined my only model! It'll take me forever to build another.

Next time you build something to attack us with...

don't.

- Can't blame a guy for trying. - Actually, we can.

Stay out of the weapons game before you hurt someone.

It's never that easy.

I'm going to sue! That'll teach you!

Lawyer up, blue boy! Because I'm going to sue you all!

My ride is leaving.

That was exceptional.

You're sure you're getting all this?

'Cause we're ready for Phase Two.

A Super-Adaptoid that can't adapt?

Hammer should've called it Stupor-Adaptoid.

Oh, why so blue, big green?

He hardly got to smash anything besides Hammer's junk bot.

Left a 10 gallon tub of peanut butter for this stupid mission.

Better still be there.

What did you scan from the Adaptoid during the battle?

I scanned it being crushed to bits. Why?

I'd just like to see the data, that's all.

- You said it was scanning us? - There's nothing to see.

Nada, zip, zero.

Hammer came at us with his cheesy robot. We tore it apart.

That "cheesy robot" started to adapting to your fighting style

and was about to use Falcon's weapons against him.

And don't you think it's strange to spend billions on a robot

just to let us crush it? Hammer can't be a complete idiot.

Oh, Hammer is a complete idiot.

Really. He's just a geek with armor envy.

Data, please.

Not my idea of a good time, but knock yourself out.

If any of the math looks complicated, that's because it is.

I can do this.

If you just say, "I meant to do that," it pretty much covers everything.

Thanks.

I don't want to overstep, but if you need help with the tech, just ask.

Probably sort of challenging for someone of your age.

Sam, I'm barely older than you.

I slept through a lot, but I woke up to a world of marvels.

I really think this stuff is the tops.

Cool. But just so you know, nobody says "the tops" anymore.

What are you looking for anyway?

Hammer played right into one of Stark's blind spots.

He threw a machine at Tony.

And Stark believes he's master of all machines. Right there.

Whoa. Those are undifferentiated micro-clusters.

- Tiny machines... - That can be repurposed in response

to new programing, right?

Futura. Never Miss an issue.

Tony thought the Adaptoid was scanning us for weaknesses.

But it can do more than that. Better call him.

Gentlemen, you left so soon.

Our little test wasn't over.

See, first Super-Adaptoid learns, then he adapts. Capisce?

He hit me with a repulsor blast just like yours.

What is this?

Don't quote me on this, but, uh, I've got no idea.

Soil your armor yet, Stark?

Hammer's machine wasn't scanning us for weakness.

- It was learning. - I got it, Cap!

When was the last time you tasted uni-beam, Stark?

Taste this.

Stuff it, Stark.

Iron Man!

- No one unibeams me! - That's not gonna work!

You should listen to your team.

You still don't get it.

Smooth. I'll have to remember that one.

The beauty part is recalling you're every move, shouldn't be a problem.

I feel like causing trouble. You feel like stopping me?

- Gonna listen to me now? - You bet.

Soon as I remind Hammer

that anything he can build, I can break.

- Tony! - Don't worry, I got him.

This doesn't look anything like listening.

I hate robots.

Aye. Shall we begin the smashing, then?

As Adaptoid is hit with new weapons, energy, or powers,

it can copy them by creating new devices,

new weapons and new tactics. Like that one.

What's the game, Hammer?

You don't get to be superhero of the future