The Scenic Route

On the wall is a picture of a woman sleeping.

A man is watching her.

Her bed is floating on the ocean.

I stay up late every night writing in my notebooks.

Just a collection of scribblings,

too benile to show anyone.

I noticed with distaste how many sentences begin with I,

or today I.

Tonight I went to the opera with Jack's parents.

Morpheus and Eurydice.

It was the time of, remember the mad killer?

Everyone stayed in their houses.

One day Jack came back.

He let himself in.

He said I had used him, and he wanted to get back his own.

He tried to rape me.

That bastard.

I think I had been married to him for four years.

A monster.

I changed the lock.

For days I had dreams of revenge.

I was afraid to go out.

I was afraid to stay in.

Help!

Help!

Somebody please help!

It was the first time I ever touched anyone else's blood.

It was also the day I got the first letter from Lena.

Help!

Help!

Somebody help me.

It was as if she was the cause of it.

I needed a change.

The plan was to drive cross country.

I was a little afraid to go by myself,

a woman alone.

I wanted mythic landscapes,

places where you could live out heroic passions.

Aw, yes.

Eurydice dies.

Morpheus rescues her from death,

but is not allowed to look at her until they are

both safely out of the reaches of hell.

She wants to die again because she thinks

he is indifferent to her.

Total misunderstanding.

He turns around to prove he loves her.

Fool.

He has the chance to save her but loses her instead.

That's what I need.

A myth to live by.

Look at him.

He timed his move so that she never saw him looking at me.

Whenever she looks up he seems

to be paying attention to her.

He was very good at it.

I never thought to ask later who the woman was.

Ever since Jack and I split up,

I've been making up for lost time.

But I still wear my wedding ring,

as if to say I'm good enough to belong to someone.

You'd be surprised how many men

are pleased to land a married woman.

We rarely talked, except for pass the ashtray

or I'm going to take a shower.

He asked me nothing,

he told me nothing.

As far as I was concerned it could have gone on forever.

Although I knew that if it lasted

three months it would be a miracle.

I felt secure with him.

I hate silent men.

What are you thinking about?

I diluted myself into thinking they're thinking about me.

Is it about me?

Us?

Let me guess, you're thinking about,

making love.

Right?

The wonderful part of it is that he always wanted me.

Will I ever find another like him?

We have to hurry though,

I have to be somewhere in an hour.

Another woman?

Somewhere.

It is another woman, isn't it?

You're so nosy.

I wouldn't even tell you a lie much less the truth.

I felt uneasy with him.

Then she called.

She wanted to come and stay with me.

I didn't think it was a good idea.

She was going to screw up my life again.

I said, "Yes of course. Come."

How could I say no to me sister?

Then one night.

Oh he could be so charming when he wanted to,

but only if you didn't know him.

They sized each other up like prized fighters.

I was glad that he saw me with another man.

It would have been better if it was

someone whom Jack could be intimated by.

I'd like to wipe the smile off his face.

I was pleased that the woman he was with

looked so much like me.

Shortly after that he said give it to me.

Give it to me.

He wanted my wedding ring.

It was none of his business.

He was insistent.

It was time, I suppose.

But I wanted something in return.

He is more flexible then he looks.

Your husband is a shit.

Perhaps I underestimated Paul.

He was beginning to interest me.

Then she appeared on my door step with all her belongings.

I wasn't used to the idea of living with another person.

But it wouldn't be forever.

This is your room.

Would you believe her capable of murder?

That violence in her, I admire it,

and envy it.

I guess I was guilty.

She was my sister, he was my boyfriend.

I must have made it happen.

And the bathroom?

I take this picture with me wherever I go.

I want to tack it up.

Look at the wall in front of you, what do you see?

We were going to get along.

I blocked it out.

The doctors have a name for it.

They told me I stabbed him with a kitchen knife.

What was a kitchen knife doing in my bedroom?

Jack just moved out and left me.

He pays the rent, his parents are rich.

He owes me.

He ran off with a 17 year old student of his.

I would've liked to have met her.

I wanted to scream,

but I thought it wouldn't be nice.

Can you imagine

I didn't want to make a fuss

because I knew it would embarrass you.

He slept on the couch because it would

have been too dangerous to drive

with the heavy snow and all.

He slid into my bed, and whispered over and over

how pretty I was.

You're so beautiful.

You're lovely.

Maybe I was.

I don't know,

provocative.

Not that I'm making excuses for him.

He was a pig.

He deserved what he got.

I have to look in my notebooks to remember our marriage.

I haven't forgotten the big things,

how me met, the eight months we spent in Italy,

I haven't forgotten my Italian,

but him,

all the details,

the way he ate, the way we spent the weekends.

I'm just grabbing at straws.

I remember the silences the most.

I think I'm ready for a meaningful affair.

I always wondered about her part in it.

He was her boyfriend.

Did she tell him it was okay?

I was only 15 at the time,

and she, four or five years older.

All of her boyfriends were weird, even then.

He wouldn't let go.

I fumbled around for something, anything.

I stabbed him.

And the years in the institution,

not a word from her.

Birthday gifts was all.

Do you have any pictures of Jack?

Not anymore.

I think I used to be ambitious once.

That desire will return when the time is right.

Right now I'm in the desert.

I'm glad she came.

It makes a difference.

I began collecting things about sisters.

Famous sisters,

sisters who were writers,

sisters who were actresses,

sisters who were both singers,

sisters who.

It was a game that amused me.

I pretended that I was malleable.

I went along went whatever Estelle seemed to want.

But men always get in the way.

I know it will happen again.

It's only a matter of time.

I felt an unspoken threat in her behavior.