Caddyshack II

Did you guys hear what happened to Mary Ellen Tobin?

Total humiliation.

She found out that her boyfriend is part Italian.

I bet I know which part, too.

I've always wondered. What are you, Kate?

Me?

Erm, we're New Yorkers, originally.

Well, Miffy tells me that the two of you room together at Radcliffe.

Five iron.

I was at Harvard Law. I'm very surprised we never met.

Well, I just transferred last year from Michigan.

I knew someone who once went to Michigan.

I think it was our maid.

Kate, I am just kidding.

- Outstanding. - Marvelous.

Marvelously outstanding.

Kate.

Caddy, could you please run and get me a diet root beer?

Er... The nearest soda machine is way back at the snack bar.

Er, yeah, I know where the soda machine is.

Snotty little bitch. I may never come back.

Ah, good morning, Mr and Mrs Mannings.

Come on, baby. Come on, baby. Come on, baby.

Yeah.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Pardon me. No, no!

Hup. Excuse me.

One diet root beer.

This... was really good.

Thank you.

I won't be a caddy all my life. I'm going to car-wash school in the fall.

Back to work.

Ah-ha.

Why don't you girls run along and I'll take care of the caddies?

- Thank you, Todd. - Great round, Kate.

Thanks.

All right, hunchbacks, listen up.

The club recently purchased 50 Cushman electric Golf Master golf carts,

which means that once they're delivered

your services as caddies will no longer be required.

Does this mean that we're fired?

That's very good.

Pass it on to your brethren, won't you?

Just so there are no hard feelings

I'll see what I can do about letting you keep those coveralls.

Why don't you ask your father to join Bushwood?

Imagine how much fun we could have. All the tournaments we could win.

Oh, that would be great. I would love that.

But I'm not sure how my father would feel about it.

Oh. Well, maybe if he saw how dignified and elegant everything is here...

Dignified and elegant.

Yeah. He'd fit right in.

Well, make up your mind. You want to play or you want to fold?

Either you play or fold. If you're not gonna play or fold, you're gonna sit.

Between me and you, there's more comfortable places to sit.

Hello. Did you pass away?

Come on, hurry up. I'm talking to you. Are you still living?

Blink twice if you can see me.

I should call you. Low-life phoneys is what I should call you.

I'm out.

How do you like that? Wiped out again.

What are you doing gambling on a job site anyway? I should fire you all.

I'm gonna do something better. Make you go back to work.

OK, sweetheart, blow the whistle.

For 20 years he thinks I speak Spanish.

- You don't speak Spanish? - No, but I listen fluently.

God bless him. He gives that cockamamie Spanish hell, doesn't he?

- His checks don't bounce. - You got that right.

Jack, why do you let him win?

- How did you know? - I saw your hand.

You had him beat. You had a full house.

I got a full house. He had a real full house.

Every time I walk in there I see 24 kids.

You're a soft touch.

Don't tell him that. I don't want him to know.

If he thinks I'm a wonderful person he'll try to become my partner.

- Hello. What are you doing here? - Hey, Jack.

Take chances, I'm insured.

What the hell is happening down there?

You in that tractor! Can you hear me?

Not those people again!

I told them, you want to save a crummy house that's about to fall down,

come over to my place.

Sometimes I'm tempted to say "To hell with it, it's not my field".

But this is your field.

You bought this field. And that field.

You must be worth about $50 million.

It's nobody's business. I'm worth a lot more than that.

- See you downstairs. - Wait for me.

Let me talk to 'em. I hate those people!

Then hurry up.

Hey, what the hell are you doing here? This is private property.

Please let me handle this. It requires a little diplomacy and tact.

Lady, please, get lost.

People are working. Can't you see that? You look like you never had a job.

- Mr Hartounian, I presume? - Yes.

We represent the Historical Preservation Society.

I have a temporary injunction...

restraining you from demolishing any structures on the Armstrong Estate...

until the City Planning Commission rules on our appeal.

What are you talking about? This is nothing but an old dump!

This building is over 70 years old. It's part of our heritage.

What are you talking about? This is a garage, can't you see that?

Do you come from a long line of mechanics?

It was a carriage house.

It's one of the original buildings on what was the Armstrong Estate,

the property line of which ran down to this brook.

Does this look like a brook to you?

This is not a brook, lady, this is a sewer.

Originally it was a brook.

Originally your family comes from monkeys. What's that got to do with it?

This property has been laying here, dead, for 25 years, do you know that?

All of a sudden, I buy it,

I try to put up some decent housing that working people can afford,

and what do I get? A historical society.

Out the bullshit!

You can't stand working people living in this neighborhood.

I'm not going to argue with you. If you want us to move you'll have to move us.

No problem. Rayette!

Let's go!

Come on! Come on!

Run!

I run and I run and I run and I run

I can't stay away, darlin'

I run and I run and I run and I run...

Look, Pop, if someone asks you,

we winter in the Bahamas, somewhere in the Hamptons and don't mention Jersey.

I'm only doing this because I love you. That's the only reason.

If it was up to me, I'd rather have a hernia operation.

Come on, Pop, joining Bushwood is something you should want to do.

You worked hard for what you've got. You deserve the best country club.

This is the best? They're a bunch of snobs, that's all.

Look at the names of their kids. You ever hear their names?

This and this Junior and The First.

The Second, The Third, The Fifth, The Sixth.

They're brilliant! They can't even think of a name for a kid.

It's not fair to condemn them because they have roots.

They got roots like an oak tree. We got roots. We got roots like a radish.

I don't want to be a radish all my life. So, please, Pop, just try.

- Kate! - Hi!

Hi.

Er, Daddy, I'd like you to meet my friend Miffy.

Miffy? Miffy, that's a cute name.

I knew a girl in school once, we called her Muffy.

Probably for different reasons.

She was an ugly girl. She had a coming-out party, they made her go back.

They made her...

Well, shall we go?

Todd's waiting on the patio with a scrumptious junk bonds salesman.

- Good luck, Daddy. - Good luck. Have a good time.

- Bye. - Goodbye, girls.

Kate, I am so sorry. I had no idea what you were going through at home.

- What do you mean? - Well, I mean your father.

- My father? - He isn't your real father, is he?

I'll get that for you, sir.

- Are you expected? - Why, does it show?

You look like a sick man. I don't want to give you any problems.

I'm looking for Ty Webb.

The room that time forgot.

Mr Webb, your guest.

- Jack! - I see you're working hard, as usual.

You know how it is. Managing a large inheritance is a full-time job.

The lawyers and accountants send me a lot of things.

Got to sign things. A lot of work for a measly couple of million bucks a year.

I was born with a wooden spoon in my mouth.

Hm. Must have been hard on your mother.

How's business? Still building those apartments?

Yeah, yeah, mostly middle and low-income housing.

No money in it, but I sleep well at night.

That's interesting. I sleep well during the daytime.

Where, in a cat box? You look terrible.

I got it.

There you are. Who built this thing anyway?

I'll be right with you, Jack.

You know me, I believe a healthy life needs a balance between work and play.

Give and take. In and out. Yin and Yang.

I heard you get more Yang than you can handle.

- Hey, Ty, you're looking well. - Hey, nice to see you, Vinny.

- Er, Ted. - Whatever.

What you going to do with all those hearts?

Ty! Damn!

Seven of diamonds. Keep that queen of spades.

- Have a seat. - Sure.