Private Lessons

- Don't do that. - Why not?

- Because. - Because why?

- Because I don't want you to touch me there. - Why not?

Because I said so.

Just let me put my hand there. I won't even move it.

- Promise? - I swear to God.

- All right then. - All right then.

I thought you said you weren't gonna do that.

I thought you promised.

So I lied.

- Don't do that. - Why not?

- Because. - Because what?

Because I don't want you to. I told you.

What is wrong with my just keeping my hand there and not moving it?

But you don't just keep your hand there without moving it.

- I will this time. - I don't believe you.

- I promise. - You promised last time.

I had my fingers crossed.

For the last time, don't do that.

- Don't do what? - You know damn well what.

No, I don't. I am doing nothing.

Well, then stop doing nothing.

Boy, your sister Joyce sure is sexy.

Yeah, but she looked even better before she bleached her hair.

I still think she's sexy.

I still say she's a creep.

Whoa!

Would you mind doing that someplace else?

It's my house, you know? It's my party.

Boy, that Miss Phipps sure takes her chaperone real seriously.

She's a bigger drag at parties than she even is at school.

- But she's still the sexiest teacher at school. - Yeah, and the most uptight.

At least they're not enjoying it.

- Get on the ground. - What's going on here?

Just keep quiet.

What are you looking at?

Oh!

Joyce, she's taking off all her clothes.

Come on. Let me see.

Whoa!

Oh, wow!

Look at this!

- Uh-oh! Philly! - What?

- What? - Yipes!

Oh, hi, Miss Phipps.

- Philly, what are you doing? - Exercise.

One...

and two...

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

Philly...

were you peeking at a girl in the bathroom?

No, I was exercising.

I know it's normal for a boy your age to be curious

- about the other sex. - Yes, ma'am.

Philly, the thing is to find girls whose age is more appropriate for you.

Yes, ma'am.

Let's go back to the party and find someone for you to dance with.

And we were supposed to go on a fishing trip to Canada this week.

- How come you didn't? - My dad has a dumb business trip to take first.

Now I have to wait three lousy weeks.

- You wouldn't have had much fun anyway. - Aw, sure I would.

Philly!

- Yeah? - What about lunch?

- I'm gonna eat at the airport with my dad. - All right.

At what time would you like to have your dinner then?

- About 7:00 I guess. - Won't that be too late?

- No. - All right then.

Whatever you say, sir.

- That's your new housekeeper, Miss Mallow? - Yeah.

How old do you think she is?

I don't know. 25 or 30. Old, but not as old as the rest we've had.

- Think she puts out? - I dunno. Maybe.

- Morning, Philly. - Oh, morning, Mr. Green.

- Think she'll do it for the gardener? - I dunno. Maybe.

Think she'll do it for the chauffer?

Lester the frou? Nobody would do it for him.

- I think I'd better walk you to the gate. - Yeah, I think you'd better.

Think she'd do it for you?

- For me? - Yeah.

Definitely. Well, maybe.

Well, if you strike out with her,

just remember to send her over to me, okay?

What are you, crazy? You wouldn't even get up to bat.

Yeah, that's what you think.

Green, please stay away from the car. I just washed it.

Sure.

Do you see what you've done here?

Yeah.

- Is that all that you have to say to me? - No.

You got a pile of shit on that car.

Mm-hmm. I'll tell you some--

Hi, Joyce.

Oh. Hi, Philly.

Can't you children find someplace else to play?

Go find someplace else yourself. We were here first.

Boy, what a creep she is.

Thank you.

I should have gone to camp this summer just to get away from her.

- How come you didn't? - How come?

'Cause I gotta go on this goddamn cruise

with my parents and my creepy sister

to goddamn Honolulu.

We're gonna learn the goddamn hula-hula.

Pretty good.

Sherman, would you boys like something to eat?

No.

Thank you.

- Guess how old she is. - How old?

1 10!

I wonder what she looks like.

What do you mean "what she looks like"?

I mean under her uniform.

My housekeeper?

No, my housekeeper. Miss Mallow.

You're sick.

You take care of everything while I'm away, Philly.

You're the man of the house now, you know.

Right.

Philly, I wish your mother were alive

so she could see how well you can handle yourself now.

Well, anyway, you listen to Lester and show the new housekeeper the ropes.

You think you can handle her?

- Right. - Good.

Lester, for God sakes, don't treat my luggage like that.

I'm very sorry, Mr. Fillmore.

There are some important things in there. Are you aware of that?

Yes, I am relentlessly aware of that, sir.

Thank you, Lester. Well--

So, I guess there's nothing else.

We'll just say good-bye.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Have a good trip, Dad.

Thanks.

What are we stopping here for?

I mean, isn't this the servant's entrance?

Yes.

Don't you usually drop me off in front of the house?

Usually.

So?

So, this time I didn't.

Will you be getting out here then, Philly?

Thank you, Philly.

Philly?

Do you mind if we talk?

What about?

Things in general.

Like what?

I don't know. Whatever you like.

Like what do you do with your time?

Not too much, I guess.

What is there for me to do in this area on my nights off?

I don't know. There's a movie theater downtown,

a drugstore and a couple of bars, I guess.

Not too much really.

What did the other girls do on their nights off?

I mean the other housekeepers.

The other housekeepers aren't exactly what you'd call girls.

They were mostly elderly women.

Their nights off, they mostly went to sleep.

You mean your previous housekeepers have been elderly women mostly?

Mm-hmm.

That must not have been too interesting for you.

What do you mean?

I mean it must not have been too interesting for a young man of 15, is it?

Going on 16. I'm not sure I got your point. What do you mean?

It must not have been so interesting

to sit across from your elderly housekeepers

and look up their dresses like you're looking up mine right now.

Why do you say things like that?

Well, why shouldn't I?

Because they embarrass me, that's why.

Philly, I was only teasing you.

Did you have a good time?

- Oh, yeah. - Very good.

Hey, I did not want to embarrass you. Really.

- All right. - Will you forgive me?

I don't know.

I planned to do some shopping this afternoon. Can you drop me at the store?

Well, Miss Mallow, I suppose.

I do have an appointment at 10:00. I can't be late, but sure.

I'd really appreciate that.

But can I change out of my uniform first? Is that all right?

It's fine. Just don't be all day about it.

Thank you.

Thank you for waiting, Lester.

Well, Nicole, how is everything going?

Just fine, Lester.

You seem to be getting along with Philly very well.

So when are you gonna get it on with him?

- I don't know. - You don't know?

Now listen, sweet pants, Mr. Fillmore's trip is a short one

and this whole thing has to be over and done with by the time he gets back.

But, Lester, he's just a 15-year-old boy.

15 is the perfect age.

Just think,

you're giving him private lessons--

an advanced education.

I just feel bad about it.

If you don't do it, you're gonna feel a lot worse.

Is this a threat, Lester?