Crowded

Mike, your father's coming over now.

This is the perfect time to ask him.

Why do you always want us to connect?

Can I just run out the clock until he dies?

You and your dad have been getting closer,

so let's keep that going.

- Here he comes. - Stop it, stop it, stop it.

He's almost here. Don't be nervous.

- Dad, hey. - Hi.

It's game night. You wanna be partners?

- Sure, why not? - Really?

Thanks. I mean, I don't care.

It doesn't matter who your partner is, Dad.

Stella and I always win.

You know, now that you're adults,

I think you can handle the truth.

We always let you win.

What?

- You let us win? - Don't be upset.

We were just trying to bolster your self-esteem.

Not a parent's job.

With all the non-stop praise and trophies for just showing up

your generation can't handle losing.

I don't want to win without actually winning.

Stella, we're gonna win tonight, on our own, fair and square.

Yeah!

If we're losing, let us win.

Are you kidding? We're going to crush 'em.

Right, partner?

Oh, I forgot the damn ketchup.

I'll get it for you...

partner.

- Bob. - Hey, Alice.

I have a big surprise for you.

- Ethan! - Hey, Dad!

Hey!

Everyone, it's Alice's boy, Ethan,

the professional golfer.

Isn't he handsome?

Lock up your daughters. He's single.

- Mom. - Come here, Ethan.

Say hi to everyone.

Martina? Stella? Oh, so good to see you!

- And who is your lovely friend? - Ethan, it's me, Shea.

Shea?

Little Shea with the coke bottle glasses,

acne, and dental headgear?

Yes, puberty was not my friend.

Nor were any actual people.

Well, look at you now.

Not that I'm looking.

I mean, I am, but just the regular amount.

Hey, how about a round of drinks on the house

for my wonderful son?

Wow, all I did was get the ketchup, Dad.

Not you!

Ethan!

Hey, Mike. My brother from another mother!

And father.

So what brings you to Seattle, Ethan?

On my way to the Tokyo Pro-Am.

The sponsors are putting me up

for the night at the Four Seasons.

The Four Seasons, Mike.

That's all the seasons there are.

I remember you when I fitted you

for your first set of clubs.

Only ten years old, and you could already drive

the ball 200 yards.

I still have those clubs, Dad.

You trying to make me cry?

Well, a celebration is in order.

I think we should move game night.

I love game night.

And me and you, Dad, we're an unbeatable team.

Perfect! We'll be partners!

No reason not to be.

Here's your stupid ketchup.

My client cancelled so...

Were you gonna eat that sugary cereal?

How did you figure it out, detective?

You specifically asked me not to buy sugary things,

so you could cut down on sugar.

I only say that because you get turned on

when I pretend I'm going to improve myself.

Mike, I know what it's like to give up something you love.

I gave up smoking, which was the hardest thing I've done

and I pushed humans out of me.

I hate when you win arguments using your vagina.

I'll get rid of it.

I feel so alone.

Do you think you're turning to cereal

because when Ethan's around your dad shows

an obvious preference to him,

and deep down you know you need to confront him

about the resentment you've been harboring for 20 years?

No.

So you don't think there's any sibling rivalry

going on here at all?

No.

I wish my step-brother would fail at something

so I could be the good son.

Does that make me a terrible person?

Yes, yes, it does.

Sweetie, there's stuff that I do

in my therapy practice that might help.

For example... we could role play,

so I can show you that it's not gonna be as hard as you think.

And I'm going to do it

just to show you what a bad idea it would be.

I'll be Bob and you say what's in your heart.

Okay, Dad...

I loved having sex with you this morning.

Take it seriously.

I can't. You know why? It's dumb.

There's no wrong way to do this.

Dad... you've always preferred Ethan,

and you're a mean son of a bitch with devil eyes.

Why won't you take this seriously?

Because, well, are we sure

that therapy does anything?

Say what now?

Now you're upset. This is what happens

when you express your feelings.

Wow, you know what? I need some air.

Shows what you know.

Everyone needs air!

Good one, Mike.

I can't believe they let us win.

I guess they wanted us to feel good about ourselves.

I mean, who do they think they are, alcohol?

If we're going to win fair and square,

we need to work our butts off practicing.

That sounds awful, but...

Okay, I'll get the weed.

We can't practice high.

Why not?

As long as we also play the game high,

we're golden.

You should really know that as a scientist.

Ethan?

Welcome to the Four Seasons?

Please don't tell anyone, especially my dad and...

Mom! So good to see you!

Ethan Alexander Ellis,

what the hell are you doing in this shed?

What are you doing in this shed?

A mother always knows where her son is...

when she's got a tracking app on her phone.

Look, Mom, I actually came home

to tell you and Dad something,

but Dad made such a fuss about how proud he is of me

that I chickened out.

You see, I have this thing...

A thing?

Oh, my God! My baby's dying.

I'm not dying, Mom.

My hands shake when I putt.

It's called the yips.

My golf career is over.

- Aw, honey. - Aw.

There go my dreams of being

the completely black Tiger Woods.

They're not even sure what causes it.

It could just be psychological.

Oh, my God! My boy's crazy!

But none of this explains why you are in a shed.

You've got money.

I had money.

I also had the idea I could play high-stakes poker.

So you're crazy, broke, and you're not a golfer.

Your father's a dead man.

Okay, here's what we'll do.

I'll talk to him. I know how to handle him.

Or...

are we missing an opportunity for some real growth?

Martina is right.

I should tell Dad.

I'll do it at game night.

There'll be a nice family vibe,

he'll have a few drinks in him...

All right, all right, but if you feel

like you're going to cry, you just look over to me

and I will step in and fix everything.

You know, Alice,

this might be an opportunity for growth for you too.

Aw, all that therapy mumbo jumbo is for white people.

So tonight's game is Celebrity.

I wrote this one.

She was the first white woman

on "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."

No idea.

Kim Zolciak?

The Jackie Robinson of that show?

She broke the color barrier.

Everybody knows that.

Nobody knows yours. Neil deGrasse Tyson?

He's a hugely popular astrophysicist.

Whatever.

I don't get your whole space thing.