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Come on ladies, we're pushing pennies around like a lot of old 'tards here.

Let's see a real bet.

Twice.

- That's better. - Fold.

All in.

Good morning mate. Delivery for you.

Fresh as you like.

Bloody hell.

What you plan on doing with that?

I'm gonna chop his head off.

- You know I'm a vegetarian?! - For Christ sake Tim!

I'm not asking you to fucking eat it.

Only chop the head off.

Ben, I can't mate. Really, I can't.

The head..

Is mine.

All right.

Johnny's got the head.

I've got the belly.

Which leaves you

the legs

the gut

or the fucking tale.

Where's the other fellow?

You're late.

Did I not make myself clear?!

The other fellow, where is he?

We can handle it!

Guarantied!

I need three of you inside.

You've got three of us.

You mean to tell me that tinker bell here is gonna go inside?

No.. Tinker..

Tim.. will stay in the van.

All right.

So Tink takes the wheel

whilst you and loud ass there go inside?

The two of you?

- I trust him with my life. - Yeah, well I don't.

So you find someone else, otherwise, the deal is of, all right?!

All right.

I'll find another guy.

Okay?

If..

And I mean if this goes according to plan..

He's got a ring.

You take it!

The ring is very important to him.

You might say it's his little friend.

Adios.

Fucking tosser!

- Hello? - Happy birthday to you

happy birthday to you

happy birthday dear Michael

happy birthday to you.

Wow, I'm touched.

Love you so much.

Sounds like I'll come in for a very good night tonight?!

Oh yes, but it was different in my dreams.

Why is that?

You've been having those dirty dreams about me again?

Hmm, but it happened in a Polish restaurant.

- Oh shit. - Oh yes.

No, that's no good, cause since you've met me, all your dreams have come true.

I know Michael. Look..

I've ordered a table at Gordon's, just the two of us.

We have to be there in an hour.

An hour?

Yes.

Well, at least it's not Polish.

Definitely not. And I have a surprise for you.

Yeah, you should do.

Besides, I've got a little surprise for you too.

Surprise?! I'm finally going to meet the queen?

Who told you?

Everybody's talking about it.

No, but..

I do have a little..

Michael?

Michael?

Now, there is a surprise.

What?

I'll be there in a jiffy.

Okay.

What the shitty fuck?!

Let go of me!

What the fuck?!

Take it off!

Please, let go of me.

Help?!

I'll give you anything!

You work for her Majesty?

What's it got to do with you?

You'd take a bullet in your bullocks for queen and country?

What?

Even though the old deer makes you work on your fucking birthday.

Johnny, you fucker!

Happy birthday mate.

God save the Queen.

Piss off Ben!

Come on! Come on! Let me out!

You scared the shit out of me.

Here. Happy birthday fellow.

Yeah, what were you doing with that bunny rabbit, eh?

That is Jess..

Well it was just Jessica's present.

I was thinking about you, the whole time.

Oh, you pervert.

- And you? - Sorry Michael.

We just wanted to give you the best surprise ever.

Oh why, well you certainly did that Tim.

No problem there!

All right, let's go!

- Go? Go where? - Here.

All right, what?!

A wrank looking strip club. Even you're not thick enough to think of going there.

Oh yeah, we forgot.

You're into cuddly toys now, aren't you?

I am not going in there!

I don't care what you say, I've had enough!

Jessica.

- Mickey?! - No. I'm sorry, I've got to go.

- Must see Jessie, she's waiting on me. - Mickey, for fuck's sake.

Will you just calm down?! Mickey please?!

Look! I have to go and see Jessica, all right?! She's waiting for me.

All right. I see the surprise is out the window.

But we have to go and tell the girls. Please, ten minutes?!

No, thank you. It's not my business!

Come on mate please, for fuck's sake, do us a favor.

All right, five minutes, all right?!

And not a heartbeat more!

Okay Mickey. Just turn the van around.

These girls might take us by force.

Hopefully.

You sure are fucking cunts!

Let me tell you what John. He's gonna go

apeshit when he finds out. It's a fact mate.

Fuck you and your facts Tim. We stick to the plan!

Here

We're closed.

Closed or not mate, I have to drop this off.

You're not dropping anything off mate.

I told you, the bar is closed. So fuck off and come back tomorrow!

Shut it dickhead!

You know the trouble with the world right now Karl?

Not enough trust.

But I'm gonna trust these cards.

When I said use your head, I meant your own one.

Fresh meat.

What?

Wait! Wait! Wait! Don't you flinch!

Put your hands on the table!

Where I can see them!

What the fuck is going on here?

Shut your mouth!

Or I'll shut it for you!

Open it up! Come on!

I think you pricks are a little confused.

Slowly, don't you make me fucking nervous. Come on!

Do you have any idea who owns this establishment?

Who sent you?

The international

red fucking cross!

Let's gather the harvest.

Come on gentlemen!

Come on!

Faster gentlemen! Faster!

I said..

Five minutes!

Fuck!

Come on! Faster, you fucking cripple!

Aren't you forgetting something?

Like what?

Your ring!

Are you deaf?!

Put the ring on the fucking table!

Shoot!

What?

Shoot him!

No! Oh, no! I can't..

I can't do it!

Fuck! Shoot him!

Motherfucker I'm telling you!

I can't!

Pour his fucking brains out!

Now!

I can't.

You're such a fucking pussy!

Oh fu..

Get back!

I promise I'll aim better next time.

You're fucking mental!

Really?! You're not the first to notice.

I'll find you!

I'll fucking find you! And when I do..

I'll cut of your fucking balls..

And when you fucking eat them..

I'm gonna pull them out of your fucking asshole with this hand!

You fucking fat cunt!

Oy?!