Preacher

I think it's ready,

but there's only one way to find out.

Shh, shh, shh.

A bit more.

My God. It works perfectly.

I'll never doubt you again, my brother.

Mm.

- Wunderbar! - Wunderbar!

Und now, ladies und gentlemen,

your next Little Mister Düsseldorf...

for ze fourth year in a row,

Klaus Starr!

Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks so much.

I'll allvays be happy.

Congratulations, Dieter...

Mr. Congeniality, three years straight.

Congratulations... everyone.

Get him.

You're ze star, aren't you, Klaus?

I wonder what kind of star you would be

vithout your looks?

My beauty!

My eye!

We're okay.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be. No. You just had a bad dream.

It's perfectly normal during this procedure.

Wub.

My...

genitals.

- We saved what we could... - Mm.

...which turned out to be nothing.

- Wub. - Yes, no doubt it is a fine spigot,

but that's cold comfort to him.

Well, you saved my life at least.

What, may I ask,

are your names?

Well, I'm Karl Chunt,

and these are my brothers, Ernie and Cyrus.

Wub.

Wub.

Let's get some food in you.

Ah, there.

Little comfort food, eh?

Put some meat back on those bones.

Mm.

Mm.

That's good.

Ernie made it.

Mm. Mm.

I'm sorry.

It's been so long since someone's showed me kindness.

I've had so much...

taken from me.

People are cruel.

Mm.

You...

You're eating me!

Oh! Well, we all are.

You're the guest. You got first bowl.

Idiots! Do you have any idea?

I am the most powerful man in the w...

Stop that!

Not another bite!

Listen to me, you knit-browed monkey dullards,

my location has been broadcast via subdural transponder.

I would think twice

before you choose how to proceed.

At this precise moment,

the world's most lethal operatives

are converging on this very spot to rescue me and to kill you!

- Wub? - Shut up!

Oh!

You've got your blood pressure up, don't you?

You know what that means, Ernie.

Yeah, It's time for your favorite!

It's thigh time.

Thigh!

Sir, I'm here to...

Ugh.

After all He's done,

knowing what He "plans to do",

you're really gonna stick with God, like a child?

I gave you my answer.

Yeah, well, it's a shit one.

Then I guess it's back to watching my dad

get killed over and over.

I'll let you in on something, Fiore.

I've had that playing in my head since I was 10 years old.

Your little filmstrip ain't gonna change shit.

Let me let you in on something, Preacher.

The filmstrip part of things is over.

It's a bit wrathful-lookin', isn't it?

Old Testament-like.

Yeah?

Well, let's find out.

Aaah! Aaaaah!

Alright, well, come on, just do it.

No.

He killed Jesse in front of us...

I'm doing this in front of Him.

We are in front of him! He's God.

He can see us on the bloody toilet, can't he?

I want to see Him seeing it.

Come out and face us, you sack a shit!

Huh.

He'll make His move.

We're gonna stay right here until He does.

Ohh.

_

Alright.

Well, then...

Let's find a place

for our little family.

Who have we got here? We got Daddy pine cone.

Alright.

We've got Mommy pine cone there.

Oh!

And who is this little bastard here?

Who's that?

- Humperdoo pine cone! - Okay, over here.

They new batteries?

Yeah. I switched 'em out this morning.

These, too.

Got plenty of spares.

Come on, turn around.

Now...

let's go to the moon.

Ohh!

God's here.

You got to go. You got to go to the moon.

Oh, to the moon!

To the "moom"!

One Mississippi, two Mississippi,

three Mississippi, four Mississippi,

five Mississippi, six Mississippi,

seven Mississippi, eight, nine,

and...

boom.

To the moom!

Aw. He cracks me up.

Do you know what I'm saying? I mean...

there's something about him, right?

Aw, he's adorable.

And he's the only thing

that piece of shit God cares about,

so when the time comes...

Yeah. Well, you're right.

Gloves are off.

Just don't forget why we're here.

Okay?

You'll do great!

Mm.

It feels wrong.

Nein, nein.

Fear und doubt, you cannot let them

cloud your judgment or your vill to act.

No, it's just, uh...

I'm overstepping.

Listen to me, Jesus.

And I speak from experience.

There comes a time in life

where you simply has to do ze right thing.

Right.

I'm worried that... that we're doing the wrong thing.

Nein.

Nein!

We cannot, and we will not!

- Hmm. - I know. That's what I'm saying.

I know.

What?

Oh, don't worry. We are exactly on ze same page.

My condolences, Allfather,

for ze passing of ze Christ child.

Suicide.

So tragic.

And yet they say depression is a sign of genius...

Cut the bullshit, Hitler.

We all know he didn't kill himself.

And we all know he was just a clone of the real Humperdoo,

whom we still cannot find.

In other words, we know we failed.

It's over...

no Messiah, no dance,

no apocalypse.

On ze other hand...

there is something else we know.

We have Jesus... of Nazareth...

the original, accept-no-substitutions Messiah.

You speak of clones.

What is this missing Christ child

but a clone of our Freund here?

Him.

We wouldn't be in this mess

if he hadn't been caught whoring around.

One time, okay?

And it was 2,000 years ago.

And she wasn't a whore.