Gossip Girl

Your one and only source into the scandalous lives

of Manhattan's elite.

It's time to pass the Gossip Girl baton.

Let someone else see if they can outshine me.

Welcome to your future as Gossip Girl 3.0.

The power is now in your hands.

So I guess we're cousins.

Up until ten minutes ago, I didn't even know I had a family.

Please tell me we have an offer

that'll at least keep "The Spectator" afloat.

Yes, I do know Diana Payne.

You're covering for who really gave me the blood--

Elizabeth.

She didn't want you to know.

You remember the woman with the locket

I had you look for a couple years ago?

Yeah, my mother. I need to find her again.

"As for the rest of my estate,

"I leave to you, Ivy Dickens."

I think it would be best if you left.

I was just gonna say the same thing.

This is my apartment now.

You don't have a case. I didn't do anything wrong.

The court will decide that.

In the meantime, your assets will be frozen.

I told Chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore.

I realized it belongs to someone else.

If she defaults on the marriage, the dowry can be reinstated.

I have a way that your family doesn't

have to pay the Grimaldis a thing,

and you get your divorce in the process.

Fine.

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

Every once in a while,

a life-changing event will arrive with fanfare and excitement.

Miss Blair.

Package from legal firm of Kier, Grandineti and Booth.

Divorce papers!

Oh, sweet legal freedom!

Thank God. I thought Louis was gonna drag this on forever.

Georgina move fast.

What do you think she do to make happen?

It's best we don't think, Dorota.

Georgina went black ops on this one,

and while I'm sure I'm eventually gonna pay a price

for my plausible deniability,

right now I'm just gonna enjoy the bliss of ignorance.

Which means I can stop avoiding them and call Dan!

Oh! Now we can date outside the confines of the 7-1-8.

We can walk down Madison Avenue hand in hand

without having to worry about Louis changing his mind.

In my experience, most turning points in our lives

don't announce themselves.

If anything, they tend to creep up quietly...

when we're least expecting them...

and force us to make a decision that isn't so easy.

Any word from Jack or Andrew Tyler yet?

Jack's not returning my calls, and it's been a week,

and Andrew still hasn't been able to track down Elizabeth.

So now that you know she's your mother for sure,

you think you, uh, want a relationship with her?

I haven't decided yet.

And since she's M.I.A., I don't have to.

So in the meantime, I'm gonna head down to the spa

and meet Mandy and Micheala from hospitality

and catch a steam. Coming?

Gotta get to the office.

Diana's finally making an appearance today.

Oh. The two of you running "The Spectator" again.

Ready for combat?

There's no reason to think

that we'll have anything to fight about.

She's an investor. I'm still editor in chief.

I'm not worried about it.

I told myself the same thing before my night

with the Australian women's softball team.

That ended up with a fractured rib

and a tattoo of a kangaroo that I didn't know I had for a month.

All right, listen, Diana and I may have

ended things badly on a personal level.

But professionally, we always worked well together, man.

And what does Lola think about you working with your ex?

I don't know. I haven't, uh,

exactly told her about my past with Diana.

How could she not know?

I mean, you were all over "Gossip Girl," "Page Six."

No, Lola has no interest

in the Upper East Side social scene.

But even if she did,

what Diana and I used to be to each other

doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe not to you, but why else would Diana be back?

It can't be for a love of journalism.

Well, I don't know about that,

but once I get the lay of the land with Diana,

I'll tell Lola everything.

Well, you sound like you've got it all figured out.

Just don't be surprised

if you end up with an angry ex-girlfriend

and a tattoo of a kangaroo.

Hey! Congratulations.

Dorota told me it's your first official day as a single woman.

It's true.

I am finally freed of the shackles of royal matrimony

and Louis' horrible family.

Well, now that you're ready to rejoin the civilian population,

how do you plan to spend your first day

as plain Blair Waldorf?

Oh. Sure. Yeah, with...

With Dan. I'm--

I know it hasn't been easy, but I am happy for you.

Ohh. Of course.

A "Gossip Girl" blast about my divorce coming through.

How does she know everything so fast?

She probably has someone staked out in front of the building.

You know what's strange?

Ever since the real Gossip Girl's been back,

I've barely been mentioned.

I just...

I wish that there was a way to stay off her radar forever.

Oh, please. It is your destiny to be gossip-worthy.

What?

Tonight, you are modeling a line of lingerie

named after you at Kiki de Montparnasse.

Gossip Girl won't be able to resist.

You're always her number one target.

You don't have any brilliant ideas

how to push me off the top of her list?

So you really want out?

I just--I'm ready to move on with my life,

and I can't do that

with Gossip Girl tracking my every move.

Well, you need to replace yourself.

Find a new Serena.

Use your influence to anoint her the new "It Girl."

Retain control but stay out of the spotlight yourself.

Okay. Well, where do I start?

At the beginning, of course, with the defining moment.

I mean, you didn't really become Serena Van Der Woodsen

until you got naked on that aircraft carrier.

You don't need to make it sound like a porno.

We were on a school trip.

And I wasn't naked. I was wearing a dress.

A white, wet dress.

The photo landed on "Gossip Girl," and that was it.

It's gonna take a moment like that

to create the next Serena Van Der Woodsen.

Okay, what about you?

Now that you're saying good-bye to being a princess,

does that mean you're ready to reclaim your crown as Queen B.?

So if it's your mom's sister's family,

that means you gain... what, an aunt? An uncle?

Yeah, and two cousins-- Eric and Serena.

Actually, I'd kind of like

to get to know Serena a little bit better, but...

The whole family overnight is kind of a lot.

You can't get to know her unless you spend time together.

Well, so what? I just... call her up and say,

"Hey, we're related. Let's hang out"?

It's so random.

Wow, your mom really screwed you up, didn't she?

Nate.

What are you doing here?

Hey. I'm just on my way to work.

Nate, this is my friend Aidan from back home. Hey.

We went to acting camp together.

He--he's checking out Julliard.

Uh... I'm gonna grab a paper.

I wanna check out the reviews

for "Peter and the Starcatchers."

Okay.

Well, uh, you've never mentioned him before.

Do I sense a little jealousy?

No, Aidan is just a friend.

And besides, he's not my type.

You are.

You wanna play hooky with us?

I would, but I can't.

I got that new investor coming in. I gotta go meet with her.

Oh, that's right. What's her name--Diana Payne?

What do you know about her?

Uh, well, I know she doesn't like it when people are late,

so I gotta run. See you guys later.

That was weird, wasn't it?

I mean, he mentioned that woman and then he just took off.

What are you doing?

Oh, there's this site called "Gossip Girl."

I'm just gonna see if there's anything about her on there.

Wow. She is hot.

So after that, we have a Cindy Sherman exhibit

we can check out at the M.O.M.A.

And then tonight, there's a new restaurant that opened--

I-I'm sorry, Dan.

Cindy Sherman and her unflattering self-portraits aside,

it sounds like you planned a perfect day.

But it's going to have to wait.

Well, the royal seal is missing on my divorce papers,

and I don't want to let Louis get me on a technicality.