Weeds

Previously on "Weeds"...

Heylia, I'm coming out.

- Give me Silas. - What?

He helps harvest the current crop,

then I'll supply you.

Make a plan for both of us.

I was hoping we could make a trade.

You were hoping or Zoya was hoping?

I'm here as a free agent.

Free agent?

Don't get mad at me. Zoya's the one who stole your shit.

You're gonna give me weed for grenades.

You remind me of her.

Who?

Your sister.

You've been here 48 hours,

and already you've tested positive for drugs.

And our dear, dim counselor Ed

barely gave you a slap on the wrist.

The man is a drunk and should be fired!

Look, softball season starts in a week.

I'm guessing that's the only reason they hired me here.

I got steroids.

Who's that guy?

Doug: That's Klein, the C.E.O.

Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Copenhagen Wheel,

a revolutionary accessory that turns your bicycle

into an electric hybrid.

I was just hoping that maybe you would consider

taking me on as a client.

Excuse me, Detective.

Are you taking this class

because "The films of Nic Cage" was all filled up?

No, I'm totally into it.

There are two ways to go in our biz.

The first is you follow every bullshit subsection in the S.E.C. rule book.

The second way is you use your common sense.

So we're cooking the books.

It's all good. Asses are covered.

Dicks are out, but asses are covered.

You got that right, brother.

Oh.

Man: Oh!

Silas: And in Akron, I almost got pulled over by this motorcycle cop.

Wait. You're talking 100 miles a minute. Where are you?

Here -- New York. It doesn't matter.

Listen, Nance --

"Mom."

I have these ideas I want to talk to you about.

Big ideas.

Wait. First, did you get the, um...

30 pounds, vacuum-sealed.

You're welcome, by the way.

What was that?

Uh, the muffler, probably.

Heylia lent me this van with leopard-print seats.

Silas, I told you to rent a u-haul,

not indebt yourself to Heylia.

Relax.

I'll return it when I go back for more,

which we also need to discuss.

Silas, I'm on my way to a company softball game.

Nancy Botwin.

Thorn in my goddamn side.

And I could really, really, really use...

Oh, that's right. Right, don't mind me.

...some more face cream.

Just keep talking on that illegal cellphone.

All the players love my fresh face.

Ignore the words that are coming out of my mouth!

Okay, where should I meet you?

Yes, visit your uncle.

Fine.

Okay, love you.

And where the hell do you think you're going?

Company softball game.

Saturday is chores day -- toilet-scrubbing day.

It's a job requirement.

I don't give a shit, to be honest.

Um... Uh, excuse me?

15 years of service I've given to this fine institution.

15 years during which

I have performed my duties without reproach.

Then Shelby...

Turquoise-wearing tomahawk-wielding she-warrior,

ups and hands me my two-week notice.

What happened? Was it the...

You think you're charming, don't you?

Well, let me lay this on you nice and clear.

I have two weeks to get my job back.

Two weeks during which I am going to stay on you

like butter on toast.

No more coming in late, sweet-talking,

waltzing in and out like you own the place.

From now on, Botwin, your ass is mine.

This is a letter from my boss, Douglas Wilson --

all very official.

I'm sorry about you and Shelby, by the way.

We'll talk later.

I'm late for work.

Right.

Jane Jacobs once said --

and I paraphrase --

"it's not TV or drugs that's killing America.

It's the automobile."

She also said, "neue ideen brauchen alte gebaude,"

which means... something in German.

My point is -- community. We have to stick together!

People, fellow business leaders,

see, I'm not just interested

in opening a neighborhood bike shop

that sells maybe the coolest technological invention

since the Japanese self-cleaning toilet.

I am interested in camaraderie, local kinship.

I'd like to talk about

the filthy, treacherous alley behind this building.

Yes. Yes!

And we could talk about... cross-promotion.

For example,

maybe the delivery guys at Yu's Happy China Taco

could use the Copenhagen Wheel on their bikes.

And in exchange,

I could distribute chexican takeout menus.

Yes, Mr. Yu?

Andy.

Hold that thought.

This is all good. This is all good.

What the fuck?

Well, I -- you know, I expected a bigger turnout,

but a lot of passion in this group.

Chip over there -- Hudson riverkeeper,

huge bike advocate.

Also, key member of Manhattan Community Board 12.

That's us -- 12.

Community board?

This is a cover business -- low-profile.

Well, technically,

you don't have any business yet for me to cover.

Andy, all these people need to disappear.

And what is Shane doing here?

Uh, something about Paulie in "Goodfellas."

"My money, blah blah blah."

What happened to college?

Checking in on my investment.

Loan! Andy's paying you back. You're paying the bank back.

Capiche?

Capiche.

And it's "banks" -- multiple.

Go. Learn.

Silas is waiting for you. He looks kind of crazy.

Hey!

Check it out.

We got demand all over the city, which is good.

Silas...

But also difficult,

because I realized we have no messengers.

- Silas! - What?

Can you not yell? I haven't slept much.

Where's the supply?

By the way, you were supposed to bring it with you.

I put it somewhere.

Okay. Where?

I'm sorry -- are you hiding my weed from me?

I created it. I harvested it.

I transported it all the way across the country.

You mean my weed?

I can't believe this.

Hear me out, okay?

We need to slow down

and come up with a proper business plan.

We have a plan. It's called "sell drugs, make money."

I think we need to be more like a pyramid.

We're all at the top, right?

We hire people at the bottom.

We're not a pyramid.

Heylia says you have to insulate yourself.

Heylia lives in the middle of a pygmy tree forest

with Dean Hodes and a shotgun,

so I'd really rather not take her advice.

You know, I don't -- I don't know why you hate her.

I don't hate her. I --

I can't do this right now.

I have a son I'd really like to get custody of.

I have a halfway house I'd really like to get the fuck out of.

I need money flowing now.

Well, good luck with that.

Silas.

Today's game -- Wall Street bankers.

Lots of high-paying customers.

Long-term potential.

It must fit into your plan somewhere.

Let's not lose sight of that.

Here.

That's not even half a pound.

It's enough.

I've already broken it down for you.

See?

Planning ahead.

Why don't you get some sleep? You look exhausted.

I can't.