Song Sung Blue

"I am," I said.

"I am," I cried.

I am...

...an entertainer.

When I'm not doing engine work or oil changes,

I, uh... I'm the lead guitar

with the Dog Night Specials at the Red Dragon Lounge.

The band ain't great, but they serve free hot dogs

on Wednesday nights, so there's that.

I am the only honky

in an all-Black band called The Esquires.

Yeah, I hold my own.

So far, they haven't given me the hook like at the Apollo.

I, uh...

I got a karaoke machine I, uh, use for solo gigs.

I sing all types.

I got Mellencamp, Elvis, Bon Jovi.

And, oh, for these occasions,

I have created a persona.

It's like a... it's like a superhero of rock and roll.

I mean, I got no cape or nothing, I got no mask,

but I got...

a bolt.

You know why I got a lightning bolt?

'Cause they call me Lightning.

Oh, yeah.

Lightning's a star.

Lightning is a rockin' god.

He's like Chuck Berry, Barry Manilow

and The Beatles all rolled into one.

Oh, yeah.

He's singing the songs people love to hear.

The songs that people need.

The songs that I need.

Yeah.

The songs that I need...

to keep going.

When the, uh...

when the song's over and the applause stops,

I'm not... I'm not Lightning anymore.

I'm just another drunk.

Hello. My name is Mike, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Mike.

And, uh, I'm happy to be here

because, uh, today's a special day.

It's, uh... it's my sober birthday.

Uh, 20 years off the bottle and counting.

-(encouraging chatter) -(strums lively rhythm)

Thank you.

-Ooh. (sniffles) All right.

But I got a... I got a tradition on my sober birthday.

Uh, I sing the same song by a great man.

A man whose songs have got me through some sad times,

some rock bottoms, and...

today I get to sing one of his songs for you.

(strumming Neil Diamond's "Song Sung Blue")

You know the words. Come on.

"Me and you are subject to..."

Who are you supposed to be?

Oh, hey, Earl.

I thought you were in Florida on a cruise or something.

Uh, yeah, well, I thought you were gonna be, uh, Don Ho,

singing "Tiny Bubbles."

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna go on as Lightning.

You can't go out there like that.

You look too much like Elvis.

I mean, you're head-to-toe in denim

like he wore in '68 Comeback.

He wore black leather in '68 Comeback, not denim.

Not during the "Guitar Man" medley.

-Ah. -He wore denim.

Uh... Oh, and you even got a lightning bolt.

I'm Lightning. I can't wear a bolt?

That's Elvis's logo.

"Taking care of business in a flash."

That's me. That's my handle.

-Oh, you own that, do you? -TCB.

All right.

I am the one and only Elvis impersonator in all Milwaukee.

-(cheering) -Thank you very much.

Comin' right back.

One thing's for sure, we got too many Elvis impersonators

and not one Little Richard.

Say it loud. (laughs)

Where's the Hawaiian shirt?

You're singing "Tiny Bubbles."

I don't want to sing "Tiny Bubbles."

I'm gonna sing "Eye of the Tiger,"

and then I'll close out with "Suspicious Minds."

Over my dead body does he sing "Suspicious Minds."

Earl, Earl, Earl, calm down. Mike.

What? -We're impersonators here.

That's why the state fair booked us

-for the blue-haired crowd. -(Mike sighs)

I don't look like Don Ho.

I'm not Hawaiian. It's dumb.

That's why Carl Kahananui was doing it,

but his gallbladder ruptured.

You agreed to fill in and do me a favor.

So you're saying no Lightning? It's Don Ho or a no-go?

Yeah, Mike. That's what I'm saying.

Then it's a no-go.

Claire, you're up next.

Uh, Babs, uh, instead of "Don't Rain on My Parade,"

do "People Who Need People."

The blue-hairs are losing their slow dance song

since "Tiny Bubbles" is out.

I'll manage...

I guess.

Thanks, Mike.

Sex Machine, you close it out.

-I'll go tell the band. -All right.

You supposed to be Loretta Lynn?

Oh, oh, Patsy Cline.

I sing her songs all the time.

I don't usually dress like this,

but any chance to sing, you know?

Yeah, I just can't be Don Ho on my birthday.

Oh, happy birthday.

It's not really my birthday.

Oh, o... okay.

You know, you could be Frank Sinatra.

Maybe sing "Luck Be a Lady."

Yeah, I like Frank, but the whole crooner vibe?

I don't know, I like to move.

-I like to rock. -Yeah.

Elvis has left the building.

Oh, you know who you'd be perfect for?

Neil Diamond.

Oh, no. Never.

No, I hold that man in such high regard.

-No, no, no, no. -"Sweet Caroline."

No, no, no, listen. He's got other songs, too, okay?

And if it ever got back to him that I was

goofing on his music or...

like Earl over there, I'd kill myself.

Not Neil. I...

You know how much he got paid for that cruise?

20,000 bucks.

That poseur pulled in 20 Gs?

-Wa-ha! -(laughter)

Nostalgia pays.

: Oh, God, I'm burning up in this wig.

If my boobs were just a bit bigger, I could be Dolly.

You're a blonde?

Oh, boy, am I.

All right, put your hands together

for Ms. Patsy and The Greatest Hits.

I hope you sing as good as you look.

(band playing Patsy Cline's "Walkin' After Midnight")

Claire Stengl.

She sing country, rock,

classical like that "Ave Maria" joint.

Hmm.

She look all kind of good, don't she?

-Huh! Yeah! -(Mike chuckling)

My man Lightning.