Last Tango in Halifax

Do you want to marry me? I'm applying for a job. What for?!

What if he gets someone difficult?!

If you wanted to come for dinner, I could cook.

Are you seeing anyone? Tell me about Lawrence.

They do a YouTube channel.

I've got woodworm.

Needs doing sharpish. Do you have that sort of money?

We might have to put the kitchen on hold.

This is you all over, Gillian. We'll find another way.

PHONE RINGS It's Ted.

He's coming over. The plot thickens.

Ta-ra. Night.

All right, look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said...

Let's...

SHE SIGHS

I shouldn't have said anything, not on people's birthdays,

I should've waited till we got home. No.

I should've spoken to you about it before we set off,

then we could have discussed it properly.

I do understand why you want to help her.

No, you're right. She's 53.

Just.

She needs to stop thinking she can tap money off me.

I just worry, you know, about workmen.

They can have you over a barrel if you start mucking them about.

Yeah. Not turning up, turning up late,

turning up when it suits them. I know, I know.

We can't fall out, can we?

No!

And we're not going to.

Have you applied for this job in this supermarket

because you're fed up with me?

No!

I know things haven't been the same between us

since we couldn't agree about Brexit.

It's just...to get out of the house now and again.

Just...

..to see a few new faces.

Seeing new faces keeps you young.

Are you fed up with this old face?

OWL HOOTS

No.

TV ON

DOG WHINES

Listen, don't take this the wrong way,

but I can lend you this £5,000.

No.

Caroline,

she's right.

Shouldn't have asked. Well, it's there. The offer.

If you need it.

You're kind, but no.

I'll have to find another way.

I, er...

What?

I got a birthday card off Robbie.

Sounds like he's doing all right. Do you think he'll stay in Canada?

That's the first time he's been in touch since he went.

Well, in touch with me.

He texts Raff every now and again. It's a nice message.

That's what I thought.

I mean...it's, er, reassuring.

He hasn't changed his mind about not saying anything to anybody...

..about owt.

Hmm.

I don't miss him. I thought I might, in time, but...

You don't get lonely?

I think this is the least lonely I've ever been.

Do you? Get lonely?

Yeah. I think, you know, when you've got a little one

and you spend so much time talking their language,

and then there's nobody there to talk yours, then...yeah.

You want to put yourself out there. I don't.

You need to get yourself over to Hebden Women's Disco.

I am not going to Hebden Women's Disco.

Second Saturday in the month. I'll come with you.

You'll be there by yourself, mate, cos I'm not coming.

Where do posh lesbians go to get...? The Guardian!

Soulmates. Don't do this to me. No, they do!

I've got someone coming round for dinner tomorrow night.

Don't get excited! It's not... She's probably not, erm...

It's my head of English. Ruth.

Wow.

Yes, the same as... The dog.

I know. Yeah. What's she like?

Well, she's not...

..gay.

Her husband's sleeping in the spare bedroom,

but she's not gay, so...

But you like her.

She's 15 years younger than me and she's not...

..as I say, but, yeah, yeah. I do, yeah.

Do I? No, I don't know.

So, she's coming round for...?

Well, to go through the Q&A.

She's doing the Q&A when Judith comes, so, obviously,

it's got to go smoothly

and be well planned... Yeah! God, yeah, Judith.

No messing about. No tripping up, pissed.

So you've invited her over for dinner? Ruth?

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have. No, you should have!

Yeah, but I don't know what you...what you do. I don't know...

..anything, and I kind of wish I hadn't now,

now that I've said it out loud.

Do you want me to come? Say all the wrong things?

Yeah, that'd help. Show you up, embarrass you?

Yeah, brilliant.

"Caroline fancies you"!

Shh.

That'd focus everyone's thoughts.

Don't make me wish I hadn't told you.

You should go for it.

You're very attractive,

even if she is 15 years younger.

She should be so lucky.

Seriously.

Life's short.

You deserve something nice.

You're a nice person.

Dad?

Hmm?

You all right? Mmm. Yeah.

Sitting in the dark.

Cool.

Bit weird.

What would you think about...

..if I got married again?

Who to?

Well, Judith, of course.

HE GIGGLES

You don't like her.

How do you mean?

She doesn't like you.

In what way? You hate each other.

Oh, I see.

Well, yes.

I realise that's...an impression we may have cultivated.

I've always found it convincing.

The thing is,

I don't want to hurt her.

No.

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Well, I'm just invading Iraq upstairs, so...

I'm just going to... Sure.

So I thought I'd jump in the Jag

with you and Flora, and Ted can travel in the Lexus with Alan.

We'll need the Jag, anyway, for Ted's luggage,

by the sound of things. Right.

Are you feeding the 5,000? No.

Got someone coming? Possibly.

Well, shall I set off, then, if you're going together?

Do you know, I could've met you there.

Yeah, that's what I said.

I just wanted five minutes with you. Why?

I think he's fed up with me. Alan? Why?

Well, why has he applied for this job?

"To get out of the house," he's told me.

"To see a few new faces."

Well, that's...

Doesn't mean he's fed up of you. Well, if he was happy at home,

he wouldn't think of applying for a job, would he?

You know, it isn't as if he needs to, is it? He's retired.

Yeah, but you don't want to be

in each other's pockets all day, do you? Do you?

And then this business last night with bloody Gillian.

Shh! Just...

Oh...

Be careful what you say. Oh.

There. Look.

Grando! Hello, love.

Hello.

Hey, you beat me!

Hmm. Looks like he's landed, if he's on it.

He'll have security to get through, four bags to collect,

and can't walk so fast, so he's going to be, what,

20 minutes? Ah.

Can I go and look in that shop? Stay where I can see you.

Can I have some money? No, you can window-shop.

It's all landfill.

Have you seen Celia, and Caroline? Not yet.

Everything all right at home last night when you got back?

Yeah!

Yeah. Yeah.

HE SIGHS I should've talked to her

about that there before we came over, and then...

Yeah. Well... I'm sorry.

It's fine. Here, happen I could give you a bit of something towards it,

at least, and not tell Celia. No. No, I'm not having that.

You see, you try and please everyone, and you end up pleasing nobody!

Presumably Celia's happy now? HE SIGHS

Which is fine. It's fine. Hey!

Ey-up, they're here.

Yeah.

Long time no see! Long time no see!

They're great chums, them two, aren't they, hey?

They never stop chatting when we pick 'em up from school.

Yeah, they love each other.

She's a nice little kid, Flora.

Yeah.

Looks like he's landed! Yup!