Party Down

holly balls,this party is gonna be fuckin' awesome.

Yeah or like any party,but naked-er.

And with sex.

That's awesome.

What?So I dig sex.

I'm not gonna apologize for not sharing society's hang-ups.

I didn't say anything.

Yeah you didn't have to you have hang-ups,admit it.

Look it's not you fault we live in an uptight,puritanical society.

If you look at the history of all civilization.

Like ancient rome for example.

If you went into a prominent roman citizen's villa,in ancient rome and looked up on the walls,

there would be murals of people fucking.

Really?Just people fucking...

on the walls.

And phalluses.

My point is they didn't have hang-ups.

They're like,hey man,sex is a life force.

What's up!

Holly shit,that's rod johnson.

Rod johnson?

He practically got a saturn v rocket for a cock.

He just annihilates these chicks.

He be like fuckin' the shit out of them.

And then spuhloosh,all over their mouth and nose and eyes,like buckets,excreted from his body.

All over them it's fuckin' crazy.

Wow,it must be great not having hang-ups.

Yeah.

party down Season 01 Episode 05

Service smile,service smile.

No,not "ooh,tits," smiles,okay?

Professional smiles.

Ah excuse me sir,you can't be in here.

Oh mr.Duk. Of course you can be back here.

It's your company,you can be anywhere you want!

To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?

Mmm,hundred dollars at a titty bar,or here for free?

Mmm,I come here.

Dollar smart,why I'm the boss.Of course.

Uh,while I have you here,free fully nude porno everywhere.

Why should you have all the fun?You know what I mean?

And if it makes sense money-wise.

Speaking of which.Do you know how

you said you wanted to become a partner with me on my franchise plan?

Soup r' crackers?

All you can eat soup and salad?

Yeah,yeah,yeah right,right.

I've been tracking the markets,and it just seems like a great opportunity to move right now.

I love what you're doing,it's laminated and all that but-- too early.

That's what you said last time.

I'll tell when time is right.

Yeah,they're little dicks.

You're the first guys to notice that.

sorry.

Yeah,yeah,I'm sorry--

uh... no,no,it's just,not here.Not here.

I know. I'm sorry--ground rules.

I mean just at work.

- I just don't want anyone-- yeah,yeah,yeah I know.

- I don't want them to know. -Yeah.

And plus I'm like swimming in divorce papers,right now.

Like my agent keeps teasing me with this reno 911 offer or something,it's not gonna happen.

Now I have to spend the entire night walking around with these troglodytes demanding to see

my tits every time I walk by with these fuckin' idiotic cock snacks.

- I thought-- know what'd I'd do?

Just show 'em the goods,you know what I mean,I'm sure they're natural?

Roman,I swear to god,if you don't get away from me I'm gonna kick your dick off.

- Jesus ch-- I swear to god.

All right,have fun guys.

I'm sorry,it's my fault.

You know it's just... my life sucks right now.

It's always nice to see you and you too.

Yeah ahh-- and you know hookin' up and stuff is fun.

- I swear it's just like,the boyfriend and girlfriend thing - yeah,no,it's a casual thing.

Yeah that's,what I want.

Good.

Awe man,stay away from casey,I think she's on the fuckin' rag.

Plenty of fish in the sea,dude.

Here you go.

Thanks.

And what award did you win tonight??

Best blowjob.

Ah best blowjob?

That must be an amazing blowjob.

Best of the year.

"Best" being relative,of course.

What do you mean,dandia?

I mean,you so don't deserve that.

- Hey,I won this fair and square-- yeah,just sleep with the right people--

I didn't sleep with anyone to win.

I just went out and gave the best blowjob.

- Mine's way better-- bullshit!

Ladies,maybe we can clear this up right now.

We could do a blowjob contest.

We'll be the judges.

You know,it's an idea.

Dude,what was that?

I know,man,I thought they were cool with sex but they're fuckin' stuck-up,bitches.

No,they're cool with sex.

Why do you think they got into porn?

I don't know,their uncles raped them.

I'm talking about your approach.

What's wrong with my approach?

"Hey,maybe we should have a blowjob contest.

" Sound like a clown.

Not even nymphos'll go for that.

- Fuck off nympho's would go for that. - No they wouldn'T.

What would your approach be?

All right tell you what?

Just follow my lead.

Okay?

So my agent's like,do one pupujujo video just for the money and now it's like all I'm doing.

Pupujujo?

Pupujujo it's thing where guys come in your nostrils.

Fucking japanese,right?

It's like,what'll they think of next?

It's money,but like is that why I got into the business?

So I could have guys coming up my nose?

- I ah-- I don't-- so I'm rebranding.

I got the new name,I got the new surgeries,which came out okay,except for this one little scar.

Well,you barely notice.

Oh,no,no that's from earlier when my heart didn't work.

So now I have a monkey heart.

- God damn it,good-- ron!

- What's up. - What's up

is alan duk is a fucking asshole.And I fucking hate him.

The guy who owns the company?

Yeah,yeah the guy,who owns the company the guy is like,"ron,hey you have goals and plans,

soup r' crackers what a great franchise,let me help you out," right?

But then I get all my duck in a row I get everything ready to go,I can smell,it right?

He's like,"no I don't think it's a good idea. Maybe later." Again.

So it's like he dangles it in front of my face and then just rips it away.

Well,keep trying.

He's the money,henry.

He's the money,okay?

If he's yankin' my chain,then where am I gonna get the money?

The money store?

- I don't-- money depot?

Cramsey.

I'm sorry?

My new name.

Cause like I do a lot of anal.So it's like "cram it up there" you know like cram it.

I get it.

Come here.

Who is that,should I be jealous?

I don't know,but if I play my cards right,I might have a shot at masturbating into her nose.

That's so sexy,she's very sexy.

The most depressing person on the planet.

I wanted to kill myself.

You however seem more cheerful though.

- This guy gave me a hit of x and I took it. - Really?

Yeah like 15 minutes ago and now it's kicking in.

You should take it too and we both can be in ecstasy at this party.

- Okay. - Yeah?

- Is there anymore or-- ah,I don't,I don't know...probably.

I'll find him-- jesus,man--I'm not kidding.

Like the mane of unicorn.

Seriously,this?

Such mythical creature.

I'm totally in to that.i-

- yes,yes I'm gonna-- okay great.

- I'll be right back. - All right.

All right.

Dude,these chicks tonight,huh?

You in the biz,or just,what,an interested party?

Shit man,all that pussy out there,who isn't an interested party?

Me?I'm both.

I am in the biz and interested.

In pussy.

You heard of "dumb schoolgirlz?" With a z?

Too dumb to say no" that's me,that's mine.

You like school girls?Ah shit who doesn't like school girls.

Am I making you pee shy,huh?

All gibber gabber?

Sorry.

You know what I like to do?

I like to think of a bucket of water pouring into another bucket of water,

oh by the way fyi,stay away from the little blonde girl with the big tits and the green skirt.

So,tell me about your band.

Yeah,we do a kind of modern take on a doors thing.

Sort of like,power emo.

I'm really into this heavy german techno-- I love jim morrison.

Morrison is a poet.

He does not get the respect he deserves,right.

"Come on baby,light my fire.

" Robbie krieger wrote that.

Not of lot of people know that.

"Break on through to the other side.

" Right,that's better poetry than,like,yeets or whatever.

It's pronounced yeats.

I hate yeets,that's what i was reading in high school my teacher molested me.

Sometimes when I'm writing songs,I do this thing he did,where he channeled the spirit of an indian.

That would be so awesome,right?

To have an indian inside you.

Amazing.

I'm half indian.

Okay,I'll see you around,okay?

dude,what was that?

Yeah,what was that?

You're just standing there talking all that bullshit.