Greek

Hi, I'm Rusty Cartwright.

I'm a freshman. College.

Pretty exciting, huh?

Calhoun Hall.

Next.

- Welcome to the Zeta Beta house! - Hey, I'm Ashleigh.

Hi, it's so great to meet you.

I'm Libby. So, what's your major?

"What's my major"?

That's how you're going to get me to join?

You might try a little harder than that.

I really like your skirt.

Oh, so this is the kind of sorority that cares what you wear?

- No, it was just a compliment. - "Libby," was it?

I tell you what, Libby, here's a compliment for you.

You're much more shallow than I expected.

Listen here, whore...

OK, OK, OK! Awesome, ladies. Let's hear it for our Zeta Beta players.

Now, that was clearly "Worst-Case-Scenario Girl. "

Tomorrow night, we are gonna host over 1,000 girls for Rush

and we're gonna get all types.

We're the best. So, of course we accept nothing less.

Now, what can you tell me about Ashleigh just from her appearance?

Anyone?

There are four things that I see right away.

One: The stain on the right side of her Thierry shirt, means she's sloppy.

Two: Her Marc Jacobs skirt looks brand new, but is last season,

so I'm guessing clearance rack raid.

Three: Her Prada shoes, while nice, are too big for her feet,

probably on loan from a friend with better taste, and more money.

- Four... - Oh! Oh, oh! The bags under her eyes!

She's a party girl who's probably still drunk from last night!

That's all true!

Thank you, ladies.

Speaking of... when talking to rushees,

do not discuss drinking, drugs, or sex.

- What if they ask about it? - We have a reputation to uphold.

Lie.

Remember, I don't care if she's the lamest, fattest girl in the room.

Your mission is to make every girl who walks through that door

wanna kill to be your best friend.

Clear?

Why don't we break for the day?

Maybe we could go to the Retirement Center,

spread some cheer, rack up on our philanthropy hours.

I know, I'm like a stand-up comedian all of a sudden, right?

Rush just makes me so rowdy!

Everyone with an I.D., fake or real,

meet me at Dobler's in exactly one hour.

Move out!

Casey, walk with me. So, you came to play. I'm impressed.

Frannie, please, this is Rush.

So, I have some inside scoop.

Rebecca Logan, daughter of our fair state Senator,

is coming here this fall and she's rushing. I want her.

A Senator's daughter could do so much for us.

- That's as good as a Bush twin. - But without the whole war thing.

Having a high profile pledge puts more alumni money in the party fund.

Exactly. The sluts at Tri-Pi have already taken her to Canyon Lake,

so we have to up our game.

Sell our reputation. And sell the fact that we have a direct line

to the hottest guys on campus.

From what I hear, she's a little boring, so give her all the hope you can.

Recruit that stud boyfriend of yours and some of his Omega Chi brothers?

- No worries. It's in the bag. - And Casey,

as you know, I am graduating this spring

and I'm seriously considering who will be my successor.

Being president of Zeta Beta...

Is the most prestigious honor offered at this college.

It tells the world you are the best of the best. It changed my life.

You're campus royalty.

Land Rebecca Logan

and you could be the heir to my throne.

- Call me later. - Casey, wait, do you know where Cal...

I'm Dale. All right.

Hey, Dale, nice to meet you.

A Yankee, huh?

Uh, I guess. I'm from Chicago. I didn't realize people still used that word.

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it.

You gotta be smart to get in the honors engineering program.

How'd you know that?

This is the honors engineering floor.

It seems weird putting us together,

considering how competitive the program can get. But...

...I mean, you don't gotta worry, I am not into that stuff.

I'm just real confident when it comes to my grades.

I graduated with a 3.7,

got 2110 on my SATs.

- Cool. - Yeah, yeah.

How about you? How'd you do?

A 3.9 something, and 2280.

Right, right.

- You going to the orientation party? - A party?

A college party? Yeah, that sounds great!

Uh... Germs...

Fantastic.

How's it going? I'm Rusty.

Hi.

Where's your name tag?

I don't feel comfortable with strangers having access

to personal information without my consent.

I think we're done here.

Check out the hotties. And free Red Bull!

I mean, we got a whole other week of this before classes even start.

College rocks.

You know, to be honest, I kind of expected... more.

- My first college party... - Like a fraternity party or something?

Who would choose to hang out with a bunch of drunkards whose goal in life is

to fornicate on as many vapid sorority girls as possible?

That's pretty unfair. At least they're enjoying college.

Every week a different party. Meeting new people all the time.

It sounds more like what college should be.

A Yankee and a heathen. I'm gonna pray for you, Rusty.

You're wrong about them.

I truly believe that Alex really does love RaquellRocky,

- but she deserves way better than him. - Laguna Beach is so freaking real.

I know, right?

OK, here is to the future Madame President!

Nothing is definite yet. But this is seriously what I wanted

since I came to Cyprus-Rhodes. It's huge for me.

And now it's yours for the taking.

Good Lord.

What the hell is that idiot doing?

Good thing you all never dated.

Oh, wait, you did!

You sure are eating a lot of chips, Ash.

Rush starts tomorrow.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Evening.

Have you no self-respect?

In my book, you gotta respect yourself a lot

to walk around showing off the package this early before Christmas.

- Takes you back, doesn't it? - Oh, yeah,

to those drunken nights at the Kappa Tau house,

the choice of seeing you get stoned or watching Old School for the 900th time.

Don't go getting all nostalgic on me.

- The reason I broke up with you is... - I dumped you.

The important thing is, we both can love again.

- Hey, Crappie. - The name's "Cappie. "

Hmm. And for that, I truly am sorry.

Haven't they taught you Kappa Tau boys how to dress yourselves?

Evan, we Kappa Tau boys spend so much time with our clothes off,

we figured, why bother? Your girlfriend and I were talking about that.

That's my cue. Always a pleasure.

What were you thinking?

- I... I was young and naive. - Yeah.

Call you later, Rusty. Promise.

No, no, no! Wait!

- My stupid brother. - You have a brother?

Casey?

Casey?

- Can you get the stain out or not? - Maybe. What is it?

I don't know. Yogurt?

Eww!

Oh, I'm sorry!

- Boy in the house! - Where's the fat guard?

- Casey! - Stop running!

- Casey! - Come here!

Levon, it's OK! He's my brother.

- You have a brother? - How did we not know?

You don't want that on your head, dude.

- Casey, you know the rules. - Excuse us.

This will never happen again. Ever.

- You didn't tell you had a brother? - What are you doing here?

You wouldn't return my calls. What was I supposed to do?

OK.

I knew we'd have to figure out this new situation at some point.

I accept that you go here now.

It's... uh...

- A given? - I'd like to say "unavoidable"

- but that sounds harsh. - Inevitable?

That's it! You being here is inevitable.

So I thought maybe I could coordinate

a monthly brunch where we get together, catch up.

I'm willing to do that.

You might not have to. I've decided that I want to rush a fraternity.

No.

Why not?

Uh...

Because guys in fraternities are hot.

And they have upper bodies. They don't study engineering.

Polymer science.

Guys in fraternities would kick your ass for saying "polymer science. "

It's not like I'm saying I want to join your sorority.

Look, I was at an engineering party last night with my roommate,

who I suspect is kind of racist.

We stood around a multipurpose room talking about

all the theoretical scientific inconsistencies of The Matrix.

- And this is weird for you because... - There were robots, Casey!

Robots. Look...

...I want to have a real college experience.

- I want to have fun. - You don't know how to have fun.

But I can learn. Isn't that what college is for?

Hell no.

You and I, we've always stayed in our respective worlds.

I never crashed one of your gay camp sleepovers.

- Wilderness excursions. - Whatever.

My point is, you have your world and I have mine.

But I don't have a world anymore.

Please... help me.