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- Hi, Pierce. Oh... - Hi!

Hi, Percival!

- Hi. - Hey.

Happy New Year, you guys. Do anything fun over break?

Oh, baby Ben got to be baby Jesus

in our church's nativity play.

Andre was Joseph, and Jordan was one of the wise men,

and I was in charge of casting.

I digitized my entire movie collection.

Goodbye, VHS.

Hello, SelectaVision CED Videodisc.

I'm very psyched for the new semester.

Or should I say... Intro to Human Psyched.

The worst.

For our midterm, we actually get to diagnose

a fellow student with something.

Don't you do way too much of that already?

Accusational opposition disorder.

Hello.

Whoa.

It appears you've all noticed that my swagger

has a new swagger.

I'll explain.

Over break, I took the plunge

and started seeing a new shrink.

What? Hello!

Hello. Anyway, I talked about my dad,

punched a few pillows.

And she put me on this amazing anti-anxiety pill.

It's really enhanced my self-confidence.

I explained that really well.

Jeff, you can't be on anti-anxiety meds.

What little self-doubt you have is the only thing

keeping your ego penned in.

You are a textbook narcissist.

I'm an exceptional narcissist, Britta.

Oh, excuse me.

I didn't kill my wife!

I don't care.

Stop that fugitive!

I was wondering how long it would take

for things to get back to normal.

Over break, Abed realized he could hire

celebrity impersonators from a service

for his own personal use.

He's been doing it... a lot.

He's not hurting anybody.

He just likes reenacting scenes from movies.

It's unquestionably awesome.

I question it. He spent New Year's

locked in our bathroom with a bad Tom Hanks from cast away.

Abed was the volleyball?

- Well, that makes sense. - You guys, focus!

Where's he getting the money for all this?

Intervention. Intervention. Intervention.

No! You guys need to stop intervening.

You seriously have a problem.

- I said I didn't kill my wife! - I still don't care.

Freeze!

Chang, they're just acting!

- Oh. Sorry. - What was that?

- Somebody call the cops! - I've got a friend at the zoo.

What is this I hear about a tranquilizer gun?

If you had hit a small student,

they could have died!

I wouldn't do that.

I have a heavy flashlight for them.

Oh, Ben!

Look, I have to resort to extreme measures.

I'm a one-man army.

You won't let me have any guards.

We're broke, Ben!

We now get 80% of our electricity

from the apartment building across the street.

Okay...

I don't know who told you pouting was an option for you,

but all you're making me feel right now

is hatred of Renee Zellweger.

Look, maybe you can bring on some students

as security interns.

I'll let you offer them a credit

in safety or math or something.

Thank you, sir.

You won't regret this unless I rise up against you.

I don't know why I said that. Bye.

Huh! Tah!

Zhou! Zeet! Dah! Toi!

Jeff. Jeff!

I looked it up. I was right.

Oh, that thing about Danny Thomas?

I looked it up too. Weird.

No, those meds you're taking.

Without anxiety to keep your vanity in check,

you are vulnerable to a syndrome called hyper-narcissosis.

Okay, look. This apple is your ego.

Imagine it expanding to the point of critical mass,

taking over your whole personality,

making you an uncontrollable monster.

Britta, how did an apple make that clear?

Imagine it expanding?

- Use a balloon. - I was on my way to lunch.

Why are you trying to take this away from me?

I like having no anxiety.

I'm in harmony with the world.

Looking good, Winger.

Thank you, Leonard, for that compliment,

and for your service to this country.

I'm so confident now, I can pull things off

I never dreamed possible.

Look. Aviators.

Final boarding call, beefcake airways.

I'm warning you as your friend to get off of those meds.

And until they're out of your system,

stay away from flattering situations...

weddings, soft lighting, formal wear, gay bars.

And take those off!

Because they make me look good?

That's not relevant.

Ah, welcome back, Jeffrey. How was your...

Uhh... uhh... unh!

Oh, my God! Even his shadow!

Look at his shadow!

Security internship available.

Come on, see the world.

Well, you won't see the world, but come on!

- Hey, Nadir. - Oh, hey, Vinnie.

Vinnie's the owner of the doppelgang,

the celebrity impersonator service I use.

You look familiar.

That's how we all get started in this racket.

But at a certain point, if you're smart,

you move up to management before the gold mine

of resembling French Stewart runs dry.

- Ah... - French Stewart...

And speaking of gold mines,

you owe me three grand, pal.

Cool. Put it on my account.

What do I look like, a sucker?

French Stewart. But I don't have three grand.

Well, you know what, you better get it.

Because I'm gonna tell you something right now...

Holy crap, you'd make an amazing Seacrest.

Very kind. Thank you.

You're actually a lot taller than Seacrest.

You've actually got a sharper jaw too.

You're actually more handsome than the guy

that's famous for being handsome.

Jeff?

You'll be okay. Just stay humble.

You know what, maybe there's another option for you.

I've got a big event saturday.

Needs a lot of bodies, huh?

And I see some high-value faces here.

Got an Oprah.

- Oh! - And sitting next to her

is a Judy Garland or an Anne Hathaway.

Add a few extra teeth.

Wow, this is rare.

Both versions of Michael Jackson.

And you...

- Fat Brando. - Burt Reynolds.

- What? - What?

- Fat Brando. - Burt Reynolds.

- Whatever. - Whatever.

Look, if you guys work this gig for me

for six hours, we'll call it even.

Sounds fun.

Abed, Vinnie, can we have a minute to talk about this?

Sure. Come on, Vinnie. The guy who makes the fish sticks

looks just like Quincy Jones.

- Get out. - Seriously.

Guys, I'm sorry,

but this is where we have to put our foot down.

Well, she has a point.

Next time it'll be $10,000, and then $20,000,

and then he'll hit rock bottom

and have no one to turn to but Jesus.

I say we let this play out.

I'd love to help,

but playing Ryan Seacrest at a big party

may not be a safe situation for me.

We could actually hurt Abed

if every time he faces reality,

we dress up and play make-believe to bail him out.

Shame on you people.

It's not our job to help Abed grow up.

Abed doesn't need reality.

Abed is a magical, elf-like man

who makes us all more magical

by being near us.

Pierce, who came over in the middle of the night

that time you forgot how to fart?

- Abed. - Shirley...

Who got you a DVD of Precious,

based on the novel Push, by Sapphire,

and a copy of the novel Push autographed by Sapphire?

Abed.

All we had was dumb reality before we met that man.

And he's made all of our lives better than reality.

Now it becomes a little inconvenient,