The Neighborhood

- Wine country, here we come. - Yes.

The car is loaded, and in a few hours we will be, too.

Ooh, this is gonna be the best girls' trip ever.

Gemma, I love America, but there is no country like wine country.

Okay, so one last decision before we hit the road:

Which one pairs best with chardonnay,

- Jeanette or Tamika? - Ooh.

Oh, what about that curly black one

that got us kicked out of that club in Vegas?

Dominique? Oh, no, no, she's on the wagon.

Oh.

Uh-oh, Jeanette and Tamika.

You can take one or the other, but you can't take both.

I'm not bailing you three out again.

Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to go with Tamika,

so you better behave.

So you want to come watch the transformation?

Does my Aunt Mayvene dress up her cats for the holidays?

I was hoping no, but sounds like yes.

Yes.

I'm just glad she's not taking Dominique.

That hair is trifling.

What it do, C-Dawg?

Oh, and I thought my biggest problem was gonna be the wig.

So, since the ladies are gonna be gone,

I got a little surprise for us...

Front row tickets to tonight's game.

Seriously? Courtside to the Laker game?

C-Dawg is in.

Well, actually,

it's to the hockey game.

Hockey? C-Dawg don't bark for hockey.

Well, come on, it's gonna be great.

Kings are playing the Red Wings... it's an epic rivalry.

Why don't you want to go?

Well, for starters, I'm black.

I know that's what everybody thinks about hockey,

but the truth is, there's a lot of black players now.

Yeah, but they're probably all Canadian, so that doesn't count.

Come on, Calvin, don't be such a Negative Nancy.

I'll tell you what, if at any point

you're not having a good time, you can leave.

Great. Bye-bye.

Season 02 Episode 16 Title: "Welcome to the Hockey Game"

Here's your beer.

- What'd I miss? - Nothing.

Just a bunch of guys with no vowels in their names

skating in circles.

I mean, the least they could do

is light the puck on fire or something.

Come on, Calvin, you're missing

the finer points of the game here.

I mean, look at these guys, they're incredible athletes,

skating 20 miles an hour on a quarter-inch of steel.

I don't know, man, I-I'm just not seeing it.

- Oh! - Oh!

Oh, I saw that.

Oh! Oh, and that!

Oh!

With hits like that, who needs vowels?

Yeah! Get him!

Wow, this place is beautiful.

Now where's the wine?

Ooh, there it is. Thank you.

I don't work here.

Oh, well, this is good stuff, you should get another one.

Hello.

Welcome to Coastal Breeze Winery.

Hi. We have a reservation under Johnson.

- Hmm. - If possible,

no balcony. We may get crazy,

and it's safer if we're in a room we can't fall out of.

Oh, and, um,

also nothing near the elevator.

We don't want to be bothered by obnoxious drunks.

Oh, yeah.

Fill 'er up.

Oh, my God, I can't believe it.

You're Mary J. Blige.

What?

Oh, no, honey, it's the wig.

My name is Tina Butler.

Oh, I get it. Keeping things on the down low.

Like me.

Sorry to disappoint you, but she really is Tina Butler.

Well, for "Tina Butler's" privacy,

I'm going to upgrade you to the penthouse suite.

You can call me Mary J.

Man, there are two things you don't want to be

in a horror movie... Having sex or black.

I mean, you, uh, you're not scared, are you?

Please, Malcolm, I'm a grown man.

I know scary movies aren't real.

What the hell is wrong with you guys?

Us? Nothing.

Can't-can't two brothers scream together?

Yeah, uh,

Pop, what's with the outfits?

Oh, we went to the hockey game together.

Yeah, and it was awesome. Give me some.

Hey, so we on for tomorrow night?

Pink Floyd laser show at the planetarium?

Oh, you can "planet" on it.

Okay, see you tomorrow, buddy.

- Bye, guys. - See you, Dave.

Yeah.

What?

Uh, you're wearing a hockey jersey,

you're going to a Pink Floyd laser show,

and you just made a pun about planets.

Come on, man, I thought it was "punny."

Okay, it's official,

you are turning into a very tan Dave.

I am not turning into Dave.

So you're saying you're a Pink Floyd fan?

Yeah, all his new stuff is great.

I don't know, Pop, ever since you and Dave became friends,

you are kind of a different person.

Yeah, you don't go to

Ernie's anymore, you don't play dominoes with the boys,

and just the other day I saw you put a quarter

in someone else's parking meter.

It's called paying it forward,

which also happens to be an excellent movie.

Okay, who are you, and what have you done with our father?

Man, y'all tripping.

You're just being a couple of Negative Nancys.

Who said that?

Did you see the bathroom?

I mean, if this isn't the nicest hotel I've ever seen,

then my name isn't Mary J. Blige.

Your name isn't Mary J. Blige.

It's Tina J. Liar.

Oh, come on, Gemma, we're not hurting anyone.

I know, but aren't you worried about getting caught?

A little,

but I think those free massages they're sending up

will melt those worries away.

Wait, when did you arrange that?

I didn't, my publicist did.

And if anyone asks you, you're my publicist.

No. Tina,

we are never gonna be able to pull this off.

Just because one guy thought you were Mary J. Blige

doesn't mean you can fool a whole hotel.

Of white people?

Honey, I could tell them I was Martin Luther King,

and they'd believe it.

All this free stuff just doesn't

seem like it's worth the risk.

Gemma, this is not about free stuff.

Then what is it?

Well, I know this may sound silly,

but ever since I was a little girl,

I always wanted to be a famous singer,

and now for the next couple of days, I can be.

I mean, didn't you ever dream like that?

Yes.

Back when I was growing up in Hickory Corners,

I always dreamed of being the Fall Festival Hog Queen.

What is that and why?

It is the biggest honor in town.

You get a sash, a tiara, and you get to ride down Main Street

on a float pulled by a team of pigs.

What a relatable story.

I would've won, too.

I crushed the bacon-eating contest,

but that damn greased pig got away from me every time.

Gemma, I never thought I would say this,

but being Mary J. Blige...

...is my greased pig.

Morning.

Hey, look at that.

- Great minds dress alike. - We're not dressed alike.

My shirt has little blue squares, and yours has, um,

little blue boxes.

I don't know.

Looks pretty similar to me.

Yeah, well, no one else would think that.

Look at you two, twinsies!

Hey, what's up, boys?

Well, what is up with you,

Run-DMC, you're having a midlife crisis?

Very funny. For your information,

I'm kicking it with my old dance crew tonight.

Your old dance crew?

Didn't Keith just have hip surgery?

Yeah. You know, he's still got his handicap placard,

so we get to park right in front of the club.

But I thought you were supposed to go

to the planetarium tonight?

Yeah, man, but those planets gonna be there forever.

Keith's handicap placard, it expires next week.

Come on, Pop, is this because we teased you about becoming Dave?

No. This is about me getting back in touch with my roots,

about not forgetting who I am.

And who exactly is that?

Calvi-tronic, the Bionic Breaking Machine.

Oh.

I don't know about a breaking machine,