Community

I am the system.

I consume humanity.

-There is no escape. -Objection!

Jeff Winger, hero-at-law

Best lawyer you ever saw

Hero to freedom

Defender of liberty

South of the 40 at Lincoln

You park for free Jeff

Are you a good person being sued, oppressed or beaten?

I can help, and that's the Winger Guarantee.

Call 555-her--

Maybe you should've spent less money on special effects.

Yeah. Thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man.

Jeff Winger, loser-at-law

Rented office in a mini mall

Relax, Tango. I come in peace.

Way I see it, I screwed you...

...I got screwed back. Now we can bygone the bygones.

I got a juicy new client and a bone to throw you.

Hear about that bridge that collapsed?

A human could say that without salivating.

I represent Marvin Humphries, the engineer who designed it.

He wants to seek damages.

From what? His own pencil?

From the only school reckless enough to give him a degree in engineering.

City-funded school, deep government pockets.

Maybe you've heard of it.

Greendale Community College.

Weird choice, by the way, bachelor's degree on the wall.

You're gonna sue my school, you're bothering to tell me?

You have access there.

I need Marvin's records to prove that he was irresponsibly educated.

-Well, why don't you just subpoena? -Right.

So they can have a shredding party.

That's the difference between you and Greendale, Alan.

They wouldn't shred evidence.

It's a good place for good people.

It's a diploma mill.

It turns idiots into bridge collapsers...

...and Jeff Winger into an attorney that thought he could...

...help people?

Jeff, I once saw you convince an arson victim...

...that he liked his house better burnt.

God, look what that school did to you.

It took all your money, it took four years of your life.

And worst of all, it took your Winger moves.

I still got my Winger moves.

Prove it. Get me Humphries' records.

Because the next bone you get thrown might be through a dude's zipper...

...in the warehouse district and I can't guarantee you it'll be from me.

I might be broke, desperate, nearly homeless...

...but I still got one thing deep down inside that gives me power-- That was it.

That was all I had.

[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]

Welcome back, human beings.

Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale...

...ranked America's number two community college...

Regarding the recent tragedy surrounding a certain collapsed bridge...

...we'll be observing a moment of silence on the quad...

...followed by four years of silence to the press.

I told you you'd be back.

Shut up, Leonard. I'm not here.

I'm just a figment of your creeping dementia.

Hi.

How would I go about getting records for certain alumni?

Why would you think a stranger could just walk in here and do that?

You're Rita.

-Rhonda. -I've always regretted not telling you...

...how much you remind me of my aunt.

It's more disarming than it sounds.

I have a very attractive aunt.

Rhonda, why are you wearing Jeff Winger's--?

Jeffrey.

Are you looking for your friends? They don't go here anymore.

Looking for something in front of you the whole time?

He's asking for records...

...for a certain alumni.

In the midst of all this Marvin Humphries business...

...I doubt this is a coincidence. You're here to save me, aren't you?

Yes.

I thought I might contact alumni...

...to form a committee.

The Save Greendale Committee. Working title.

Jeffrey, I'm gonna cry.

-Please don't. -Request denied.

Rhonda will let you in the records room.

It's actually your old study room.

After you and your friends left, it was closed for sentimental reasons.

And asbestos reasons, but it's clean as a whistle now.

"Harassment reports, hazardous waste citations...

...herpes, water fountains."

Come on. Where's Humphries?

-I see your value now. -Abed, why?

It's a callback to when we met first season.

Me calling years "seasons" is a callback to my dialogue and--

I know what makes you off-putting...

-...but why are you here? -Dean called me about the committee.

-Can I join? -Oh, no. Who else did he call?

Just me. I called everyone else.

Jeffrey.

Jeff.

-Is that cool? -It's the coolest.

Jeff, if you wanted to save Greendale, why didn't you call us first?

Well, you guys just got sprung from this joint.

And I figured you had careers to get started.

-Yeah, working hard. -Yes.

-Yeah. So many things. -Yeah. Sandwiches...

Us, always doing stuff.

What have they done to our home? The table's buried.

-I got it. -This is where we became a family.

Where Jeff made us a family.

We can repilot.

This could be like Scrubs season nine, a revamp, a do-over.

-Jeff could come back as a teacher. -I'm not gonna be a teacher, Abed.

Come on.

Sit in your chair.

Complete the table.

-We wanna help you save Greendale. -Yeah.

-Greendale. Greendale. Greendale. -Save it.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Give him space.

Repiloting can be intense.

New people show up, regulars shift roles or even fall away.

In Scrubs, Zach was only in the first six episodes.

That son of a bitch.

After everything Scrubs did for him?

I'm sorry.

Vision boarding.

Okay, vision boarding--

Oh, hi, Jeffrey.

I have to warn you about something because it's the right thing to do.

First, why is there a big empty box on your desk that says "Humphries" on it?

The press has been calling about Humphries.

I didn't want any details about his enrollment here...

...to be spun against us...

...so now there are no details.

That was his thesis.

Okay. So sue me.

This ain't Harvard, Jeffrey.

Okay, my job is to give a certain number of degrees per year...

...or we could get shut down.

And that would be bad because...?

Because then I wouldn't have a job.

And, you know, Greendale is a good place for good people.

That whole spiel, huh?

Yeah.

That whole spiel.

Wing Blade.

Shock me by impressing me.

-He shredded Humphries. -What?

I told you. How could you let this happen?

Sir, I have to ask you to leave the concierge desk.

Jeff, this case was all I had. I am screwed.

My wife left, my girlfriend dumped me.

And they're sisters, whole family's pissed.

Shut up. Bring me paperwork for filing a class action.

Letters of intent, engagement, everything. Multiple copies.

Winger, you just lost our client!

Yeah. But I can create five new ones.

So dusty. Let's get this off.

-Season nine of Scrubs. -And that's the Winger Guarantee.

Okay. Maybe we should brainstorm fundraising ideas...

...that aren't bake sales.

Or opening a zoo where the humans are in cages and the animals come to visit.

Are you okay, Jeff? You left kind of freaked out.

Well, I can't stop thinking this school might be in trouble...

-...because of this bridge guy. -He's the one making bad bridges.

That's like me blaming owls for how much I suck at analogies.

Sometimes a student will claim, in court...

...that their school ruined their life...

...and they'll win.

You wanna save Greendale? Make it litigation-proof.

-How? -Think like the enemy.

How did Greendale damage you, Annie?

It didn't. I love hospital administration.

-Is that your job? -Well, not yet.

But I administer things to hospitals, like these. Pen?

-"Futurza"? -They're a rising star in pharmaceuticals.

They invented fibromyalgia and the cure for fibromyalgia.

You push drugs now? That's ironic.

I push pens, Britta.

Speaking of irony, how's the therapy market? Depressed?

-I'm on sabbatical. -You're Jewish?

I'm doing hands-on research about the psychology of alcoholism.

You're a bartender, aren't you?

Which is basically like a modern-day therapist.

Somebody tells me about a murder, I can't tell anyone.

You're even bad at bartending.

What about you?

Abed's working on the next billion-dollar social media app.

And when it takes off, all I gotta do is sue him.

-It's foolproof. -You're programming now, Abed?

Didn't get any work with your four-year film degree?

Directing a commercial. Still haven't been paid.

I'll cut you a cheque tomorrow, but just so we're clear, you quit.

-Differences. -I asked you to put the phone number...

-...on the screen. -I didn't like the number. 555?

-The number of my business. -Sounds fake.

Every number starts with 555. Are there only 10,000 numbers?