Honeymood (אחד בלב)

HONEYMOOD

I can't believe it...

So classy!

Are you sure it's ours?

-Should I double check? -No way! It's perfect!

I love you.

I love you too.

-I'm so glad it's over. -And that it was perfect.

-How do I take it off? -You need a professional for that.

It's like I'm in "Gone with the wind".

I got myself a bride with a built-in dress?

Poor you...

-Oh, no! -What's wrong?

-We must enter the room again. -Why?

All the way to the bed!

From the top!

Still not good enough?

Stop it...

I have the card.

It was black, right?

What's this?

"To Noam from Renana"

No, that's not it.

Let's go down to the reception.

-What is it, then? -A check.

Why did she put it in your pocket and not in the gift box?

-I guess she didn't find it. -She didn't find it?

It's not just a check, there's something bumpy in there.

-Loone... -I'm just curious.

Who goes to a wedding and writes only one name on the envelope?

Wait a second.

We said we'd open the presents at home.

Just this one!

And my dad asked that we made a list of all checks...

In an Excel sheet, I know. He told me that.

I just can't get over her moody look during the Chuppah.

Why did she stand in the front row?

-Oh Mazel Tov, Mazel Tov... -Thank you.

I didn't even see where she stood.

Come on, she smiled at you and you smiled back.

You know you're imagining things.

But the things I imagine always turn out to be true.

Okay, I know, but I'm telling you

this time, you really are imagining things.

Here, ask the concierge.

Good evening! How may I help you?

We got locked out of our room. Room 902.

Of course. I'll provide you with a new card.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

You're all smiles.

I didn't smile. You're imagining things.

-Give it here. -Hands off.

Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

Don't worry. It happens to all the couples.

What happens to all couples?

They go out of the room only to get back in,

with the groom carrying the bride. Then, they lock themselves out.

No, we just went out for... another reason.

-In that case, I apologize. -Thank you.

May I add, your royal suite was built as part of

a very complex architectural restoration. Did you know that?

It was a rare collaboration between the Muslim Council,

Jewish contractors and a Turkish architect.

Many distinguished international guests stayed in your suite.

For example, Ranj Kapur.

the greatest berimbau player in the world,

and Mara Audo,

the legendary snake hypnotist from Mumbai.

He was here with 6 of his snakes.

So the snakes were also in our room?

Of course. They all stood on your romantic balcony

and enjoyed the view of the Holy City.

All bullshit aside, the air here is great.

That's why we got married?

So we could speak like a couple of senior citizens and say:

"The air here is great"?

What's wrong with that?

Never talk about the weather with anyone other than your grandmother.

-It's a total cock-block. -Ok. I didn't know that.

In fact, that's not true.

I once knew this military meteorologist, she was quite hot...

Are you not going to open her envelope?

What envelope?

I hate it when you play dumb. You're a terrible actor.

Let's just drop it, I beg you.

You could have just not invite her to the wedding.

-You also invited your ex. -Only to piss you off.

But I don't care that he came.

-I didn't even see him. -You didn't see him talking to her?

That's what's eating you? That our exes talked a bit?

A bit? They talked for two hours.

Good for them. Who cares?

Everyone was dancing but they just stood there, flirting.

Like they're all alone.

That's why you did that thing? With the... pole?

-What thing? -That little dance you did...

-Since when do you dance like that? -Did I embarrass you?

No, no.

-Didn't you like my dance? -You danced really nice.

Would you rather I just stood there? Like her?

If I wanted you to be like her I would have married her.

-But I married you! -So why won't you open the envelope?

We agreed we wouldn't spend our wedding night opening checks and presents.

Not all of them!

I couldn't open your dress and that doesn't bother you.

All you care about is this fucking envelope!

-I don't care about the envelope. -Yeah, right.

Why you won't open it, that's what I care about.

-And find suspicious. -Suspicious?

It's probably just a check and a little chunk of hash.

-So let's smoke it. -Let's smoke it?

Yes.

Since when do you smoke?

"Since when do you dance, since when do you smoke..."

Sometimes I wish I could do stuff without being asked

since when I've been doing them.

And I wish you stopped being so obsessive and annoying!

Why must we fight now that this nightmare is finally over?

-Now that this... -This night is finally over.

Listen, I just had an insight.

I know what we need to do now.

-Sleep? -Get married. Get up.

Get up, Nonny. Look here.

-This is what I do with my students. -Is this spiel really necessary?

We re-enact moments in life we want to amend.

And it works wonders. Come on.

Are we in class now?

We missed the moment because of all the stress.

So let's do it again. Just the two of us.

-Do you have any Advil? -Maybe in my purse.

But first say: "With this ring I thee wed.

"If I forget you, Jerusalem, may my right hand forget its skill,"

"may my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you..."

And break the glass.

Why waste a perfectly good glass?

Drink this, Loone, so you won't have a headache.

Do you want to open it?

Go ahead.

You open it. It says "To Noam".

-360 Shekels... -What about the thingy?

She remembered I liked compasses.

I used to collect those.

Where's your phone?

Is it "Renana cell" or "Renana other"?

-What are you doing? -I'm calling her.

-What will you say? -Why won't she answer?

-Stop it. -Hello!

Hi, Renana. Thanks for coming to our wedding.

Thanks for the check and the recycled envelope.

I just want to ask you, why did you give my husband a ring?

It's not a ring, it's a compass!

I'd appreciate it if you came by tonight and took the ring back.

It's not a ring, it's a compass.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

-Relax. -Are you okay?

Yes. It didn't record shit. It didn't even dial.

Did you hurt yourself?

It's that ring.

You cannot receive a ring from another woman on your wedding.

So I'll give it back, okay?

I agreed to invite her to our wedding,

I didn't say a word about her creepy paintings in our place

or that she never came by to pick up her shit.

I've been living in her junk yard for a year now,

And despite what people think of me, I'm a patient person.

I'm very compassionate.

But that ring is too much.

Come on.

Come! I'll flush it down the toilet.

No! Call her and tell her to come and take it back.

-It's 1:30 am. -I'm sure she's still up.

30 minutes ago she was still chatting with Michael. High on life.

It's dialing.

What were they yacking about?

Stop snatching things from my hand.

Unavailable.

Bingo!

What did I tell you?

How do you open it?

Are you kidding me?

Let me do it.

It's stuck. It's broken.

Where are you taking it to?

-To her. -To Renana?

Do you want to join me or wait here?

Neither.

Where to, good people?

To Even Sapir village.

I got passengers, chief. Special ones, a bride and groom.

Congratulations. Talk to me later.

So, she lives in a village?

Yes, outside Jerusalem. It's a long drive.

Traffic is light now. We'll be there in 10 minutes.

Why would she live in a village?

She's staying at her sister's. It's temporary.

We shouldn't go there. They have a baby.

-They'll think we're crazy. -I don't care what anybody thinks.

I thought you didn't either.

I care a great deal, and so do you.

Pardon me, groom, sorry to interrupt...