Weeds

Previously on "Weeds"...

How's my baby boy?

Annancy!

Hi.

Come on, buddy.

You're missing the movie. It's the good part.

What did he call me? "Aunt Nancy."

Nance, you're gonna be getting some papers from my lawyer.

What papers? Custody.

Custody?!

We need the judge to understand that you are trying.

I'd like you to focus on getting a job.

Whit: "Rocket Man," Doug Wilson.

We need an accountant. Tell me you're in.

If I don't have a job, I can't get my kid back.

You start tomorrow, legit.

Someone's here in the room. I'm the husband.

Where's the fuckin' doorknob?

We're polyamorous.

I have cancer.

Can you work with that?

You had three years to play. Now you're gonna give me four.

You're going to college.

Student loans are readily available from many banks.

Applying at Castle Hill Bank, too?

I'm going everywhere. I bought a few things.

Where did you get the money to pay for all this?

I've applied for some loans, for college.

I need you to deal.

42 new clients.

We're gonna need more supply.

A lot more.

I want weed.

It's gonna be at least another month.

I don't have another month.

The government, the media, main street minor leaguers --

they've all taken their swings at our business

over the last couple of years.

They've all tried to put us under,

blaming us for their shitty 401(K)S,

their upside-down mortgages.

Well, news flash to all those sniveling dumbasses

who can't make 10 cents into a dime --

We're bigger.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

We're smarter.

And we are a fuckload richer!

So suck on this! Am I right?

We make it rain, right? We make it rain.

And there's gonna be some more rain today,

because a meat storm is brewing.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Vehement beefsteak!

Vehement beefsteak!

Much beef. Enjoy.

Demetri: You've reached the sarge.

I'm knee-deep in the muck. Leave a message.

Demetri? It's Nancy.

Checking on that old supply drop.

Lots of dry soldiers. Need rations.

Call me. Bye.

You better muscle in there, Nance. 200 pounds goes fast.

I think I'll pass.

How can you pass?

It's a tradition. It's America.

It's fatty, once-mooing ears of corn.

What's going on with you?

I need money. Could I get an advance?

I got you the beefgirl gig.

That's my lawyer.

So barbaric, so intriguing.

Fingers-only meat banquet.

And you've titled chapter 3 of my book.

Ooh. Coop's hossin' it down over there.

We got to go. Come on, Nancy.

Where am I going? Custody hearing.

Jill filed papers. A hearing was granted.

Custody hearing?

Like "Where's my kid gonna live" hearing?

Tomorrow in Oakland. We got to take a red-eye.

I can't get on a plane.

You do remember I'm living in a halfway house.

I got you a furlough for the court appearance.

State law. Yay!

48 hours. Let's go. Chop-chop.

Stevie's gonna be there, and I'm gonna get to see him.

Oh, my God.

Doug, I-I'll be back in two days.

Look. I made a meat volcano.

What should I bring?

A character witness would be nice --

one of your sons,

whichever one you think makes you look best.

Nancy: Shane, is Silas here?

Working a half day, huh?

Nice life.

I once decorated my room the same way.

Keeping track of my calls.

Uh, so, these guys here, all around Midtown,

West Village, Lower East Side, so on,

and a checkmark means they've called twice.

Why don't you organize a gang bang,

get them all done at once?

Shane, feel free to pretend there are multiple rooms here.

Tell me you have good news about our weed supply.

Jill has scheduled a custody hearing.

I need you to come and be a character witness.

For which side?

I'm not asking you to perjure yourself.

Unless you want to.

Think of it as, um, modeling/acting.

I quit modeling to go into business with you.

I just cashed in my next set of loans.

I can buy us plane tickets. Wow.

I'll buy the plane tickets. I only need Silas.

He's a retard.

No, take the murderer. I don't care.

Shane, stay here. Go to college.

You're taking $15k for plane tickets?

It's last-minute fares. I'll -- I'll book coach.

The rest will be our rainy-day fund. I promise.

I'm charging a vig.

And I would have been a better character witness.

I'm a great liar.

You can testify next time.

So I'm clear,

you're asking me to go on record

about your motherly qualities?

You want that?

All right.

Use the balls of your feet...

And arch your back.

Oh. All right.

Hey, are you sure you don't mind?

It's not like secondhand smoke is gonna kill me.

Oh, yeah. Death humor.

Got to be honest -- not making me laugh.

Guess that's your privilege, though.

Who am I to say what's funny?

Although people tell me that I'm funny, but I'm not dying.

Sorry.

But you are dying.

Slower than me, obviously,

but trust me -- that could change tomorrow.

Gather ye rosebuds.

Gather ye balls.

Don't just sit on them. Show them to the world.

Show them to the world? I can do that.

Maxeen's taken a liking to you.

You're a vast improvement over the last few guys.

Awfully kind of you.

Wait -- "last few."

"Few" like two or three?

I'm sliding. I'm sliding. Oh!

Okay. I've slid.

I'm taking a liking to you guys, too.

Maxeen mainly, but okay.

The whole...two-for-one thing,

it's...

It's not so hard.

I need sug...

If shu...

You're sliding, too. These chairs are no good, man.

Oh, fuck.

It's happening.

It's happening now.

Okay.

Phone people.

Okay.

Here's the wire. Where's the phone?

High-top phone.

Look at that.

Charles, don't do it, man.

Um, he's down. Pancreas cancer.

We're here, and he's down.

What do I do?

Oh, God, yeah -- CPR.

That's a great idea.

I'll try that.

I had to put the shoe down!

I got this.

Uh...

Holy shit. It worked. He's breathing.

I saved him.

Still clammy! Tell me you've sent somebody!

Not like this, Charles.

Not like this.

What are you gonna say at the hearing?

I'm not sure. Figure I'll wing it.

You know, no winging.

I'm serious, okay?

I'm trying to watch "Everybody Loves Raymond."

It's on Channel 1. It's good.

What if the judge cross-examines you?

See, Debra's really pissed at Ray

for taking Robert's side in a fight with Amy.

Oh, now the dad's involved. He's awesome.

Hey.

I could lose Stevie.

I have maybe one card to play,