¡Rob!

All right.

I'm all set. I'm ready.

I'll be there in a second.

You know the wedding starts at 3:00?

You've been getting dressed since sometime before dawn.

These people are probably divorced by now.

Keep your pants on.

Okay, that's the whole point.

My pants are on, you know?

Took, like, five seconds.

Here, I'll do it again.

There.

3.2.

It's a Mexican wedding.

It's going to start late.

Yeah, well, I'm an American neurotic. I like to be on time.

Okay? That's why they have time.

That's what time is.

Which do you like?

Purple or pink?

I can't tell the difference.

Just pick.

I don't care, either one. You're gonna be

the most beautiful woman there anyway.

Awthat's sweet.

Pick.

Pink.

Hm, okay, then I have to change my dress.

No! No!

Purple, purple, come on.

All right.

Preciosa!

La novia tenia celulitis.

That was my first Mexican wedding.

Wasn't it great?

Yeah, I could have stayed for another 20 hours.

Yeah, I wish they'd told me it was an open bar.

I kept paying that guy.

Everything about that wedding was perfect.

I mean, the bride looked like Cinderella.

Everybody was happy, having a great time.

It was like something out of a stupid storybook.

I get it, Mom.

You're still mad about our wedding.

What wedding? I don't remember a wedding.

My sister Lola gets to throw her daughter

the wedding of her dreams, and what do I get?

Three weeks ago, you show up with this piece of work

and a pair of souvenir dice from a chapel in Vegas.

In fairness, it was a very nice chapel in Vegas.

And we did get the Silver Package.

It was one of their top three packages.

Mom, our wedding was the happiest day of my life.

Mine, too.

It was romantic, spontaneous.

And we got to write our own vows.

Aw, really?

You know who wrote my vows?

Jesus Christ.

- Good for you, Mom. - No, it's no big deal,

I just don't think I'm a better writer

than Jesus Christ, that's all.

He's a good writer, huh?

Well, all I know is when I saw

the father of the bride dancing with his daughter...

Well, I've never cried so much during a Black-Eyed Peas song.

You stole that from us, Rob.

I think "stole" is a strong word here.

He stole the whole wedding from us.

Well, let's just agree to disagree on this one.

Mi amor, listen.

Since the moment you were born,

your father has been setting aside money

so that you could have the wedding of your dreams.

He skipped a lot of lunches.

Used to get really hungry around 3:00.

He was hungry all afternoon, and now for nothing.

Well, if you still have all that money set aside,

I say, why not use it?

Ah, see, I told you my brother was smart.

We could really do this; We could really give you

a wedding this time, a real wedding.

Wait, a second wedding?

Actually, I was thinking we could buy a monster truck.

Their wheels are this big.

You said he was coming for three days.

Why is he still here?

Listen, listen.

We could make it a day that you remember your whole life.

I mean, the flowers, the music.

We fly the whole family in from Mexico.

It's a generous offer, but Rob and I

don't need another wedding.

'Cause we're already married.

So, I guess you're stuck with me.

You know, I've been giving this whole wedding idea some thought.

Oh, honey, don't worry about it.

I won't let my parents force us into something

we don't want to do.

Actually, I was thinking we should do it.

Really? I thought you hated weddings.

Oh, I do; They're boring, you know.

You have to go to church, all your relatives are there.

It's everything bad about a funeral plus dancing.

So what are you saying?

I'm just tired of your family not liking me, you know?

I was thinking, maybe if we had this wedding,

they could finally give me a chance.

Wait, you'd do that?

My parents would flip.

I love my family, don't get me wrong,

but you guys actually talk to each other.

I find that kind of interesting.

So what do you think?

Well...

I have to admit, when I was a little girl,

I used to dream about a fairy-tale wedding.

You know, I used to take bridal magazines,

and cut out a picture of me and paste it over the bride's face.

And then I'd cut out a picture of Marky Mark

and paste it over the groom.

Mark Wahlberg?

Are they the same guy?

Maggie...

Will you marry me again?

Yes!

Yes, yes!

All right, all right, if you're not

that excited about it, then forget it.

Everyone, we've got an announcement to make.

Rob, do you want to tell them?

Well, I had to twist Maggie's arm,

but she agreed to a second wedding.

Wonderful news.

- Ahh. - Ahh.

I'm gonna call the Four Seasons.

Rob, best friend.

Congratulations.

And, uh...

Shh, before you ask,

yes, I'll be your best man.

I wasn't gonna ask.

Ah, too late.

I'm gonna throw you the best bachelor party of all time.

Thanks, but no thanks.

I'm not really a bachelor party kind of guy.

Ah, don't worry, there will be

wine, women,

images that haunt you until your death.

The works.

Champagne para todo el mundo.

Hey, a toast, a toast.

At last, I'll be able

to give my little girl the proper wedding

I've dreamed of since the day she was born.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

To the happiest day of my life.

- Salud. Salud. - Salud.

Ah, come on, let's have a special tequila, son.

Oh-ho, son, okay.

- Wow. - Yeah, come on.

Okay, Dad.

Ah...

Call it off.

- What? - The wedding, call it off.

You got to talk Maggie out of it.

But you just said this was the happiest day of your life.

Well, I lied.

You know that money I was supposed

to be putting aside for Maggie's wedding

since the day she was born?

Yeah.

I lost it.

You lost it?

All of it?

No, not... yeah, all of it.

Rosa doesn't know.

Rosa must never know.

Well, how did you lose it?

I made a bad investment on gold futures.

How do you lose money on gold futures?

It was a horse named Gold Futures.

You gambled away your daughter's wedding money?

It's not gambling if it's a sure thing.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Rob, I didn't think she was ever gonna get married.

She was 30... 30.

That's like 60 in Mexican years.

Do you want me to come up with some money, or...

No, no, Rosa will find out.

She's like a forensic accountant.

I just can't call it off now.

Please, Rob, please think of Maggie.

Think of her crying in disappointment in her father.

Don't make her cry, Rob.

Me? This is your fault.

Is it, Rob?

Is it?

Yes. Come on, I was trying to get this family to like me.