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(picks up and slams phone receiver)

He's dead. Bugger off!

Oh, fuck.

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All right, let's hear it.

Okay, um...

"'Dragons of Orion' is boring, absurd,

"and, frankly, it may only be fit for a prison library

"as an added form of punishment.

"This is the third subpar release in a row

"from the once renowned publishing house

"of J.F. Stanbridge.

"It's difficult to tell if Lucy Stanbridge

"is trying to distance herself from the series literary fare

"that made the house relevant,

"or if she's simply not up to the task.

"Perhaps it's time to give it up, Lucy.

"You clearly didn't inherit your father's golden touch

for nurturing series material."

- (scoffs) - What does he know? Nothing.

Young adults don't read "The Times."

I mean...

Young adults do not read "The Times."

No, not "The Times."

What?

"Dragons of Orion" is dumb.

All caps, "dumb."

It's trying to be Harry Potter,

but it's not even a bad "Twilight."

- Who is that? - Tracy's book club.

She has over four million followers.

But seriously, who would write this?

I'd rather just starve

than read another page of this

- brain-sucking... - Oh, shit.

...mind torture of a book.

I have to get out of here.

You're the best.

You're the best, kiddo.

You're the best.

Shit.

Ugh.

Rachel, we need our own Drew Davis.

We need to look within.

This is not brain-sucking mind torture.

Burn it. We need relevant writers

that can make us relevant again, okay?

Who do we have in the pipeline?

Lily Dahl, next spring.

Libraries love her. Bookstores, not so much.

- Mario Actavio. - Mario Actavio. Yeah.

We need books that sell outside of Latin America, please.

Henry Dudston.

Yeah, you know, I got his first three chapters.

It's incomprehensible. I think he's using again.

- That's the pipeline. - That's the pipeline?

Everyone else is dead or unaffordable.

Really? Ahem...

Is there anyone, um...

I don't know, is there anyone dead we can revive?

Maybe a manuscript in the basement or something?

- (sighs) - Maybe, but pointless.

- And he's not dead. - Who?

Harris Shaw.

Really? I thought he was dead.

Well, no one has heard of him since your dad published him.

What's his advance?

It was likely negotiated in the '70s,

so I'd imagine it's relatively small.

Let's look up his contract.

Wait, still, Lucy...

- What? - (laughs)

He hasn't written anything since "Atomic Autumn."

So?

Actually, it's all he's ever written,

and that was almost 50 years ago.

Great. That means that he's had a lot of time

to come up with something new, right?

Let's do it.

I mean, he could be dead, actually.

Okay, am I crazy? Tell me I'm reading that right.

Um...

a $25,000 advance,

and it looks like it was already paid.

That means he owes us a book, right?

- No. - He owes us...

- I mean... - Oh, my God.

I wouldn't...

Harris Shaw owes us a goddamn book.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Oh, yes.

This is exactly what we need. This... This could...

This could save the house.

Hold on. Hold on, there's more.

- There's more. There's more. - What? I knew it.

- Two books. - Ha.

The legendary Harris Shaw owes us a book.

- (murmuring) - Okay, stop mumbling.

- Say it out loud. Out, out. - There will be no edits.

There will be no edits or revisions to the draft

submitted by the author.

- Uh... - What?

Yeah. In exchange, the author must promote the book

in accordance with the publisher's request.

Let me see that. Why would my father agree to this?

Let's just forget about it

and move on to something more realistic, okay?

Well, doesn't matter. Harris Shaw is a legend...

- He's a drunk, he's a recluse. - He is someone that captures...

He's a madman, okay?

You know that story about he shot his assistant once...?

Let's try again.

Really? I mean, he's probably...

- What was it? - Okay.

9-1-4...

I'm sorry, darling.

You know?

I knew it was stupid and foolish and rubbishy.

You know bloody telephones.

Telephones are bullshite, aren't they?

- Hey. - (cat mewls)

Bullshite.

This is crazy.

We don't even know if he lives in Westchester anymore.

Well, I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

Did you know he left Britain to evade taxes?

Yeah, a lot of famous people do that.

And he was thrown out of Ireland for disorderly behavior.

So? He's opinionated.

Ireland, Lucy.

They invented disorderly behavior.

And here we go again.

He shot his last assistant

because he mistook him for a bear.

- Oh, I don't believe that. - How is that even possible?

I don't believe... You can't believe everything

they put on those websites, okay?

Anyone can write that stuff. It's fiction.

- They went to court for it. - I don't believe it.

No way. He didn't shoot anyone.

We're screwed.

Okay, this is it.

189.

Holy parking tickets.

"Piss off."

- Yeah. - Hmm.

Well, it was a lovely drive.

Let's go.

Oh, come on. That's probably a joke.

Mm...

looks pretty serious.

Let's go around back.

Come on. Come on.

See, I think "piss off" pertains to the whole property.

We're just checking on him, okay?

- Maybe he needs our help. - (sighs)

You don't know.

A lot of neighbors here.

Lucy!

You're officially trespassing.

Rachel, I don't care, okay?

We need this, all right?

Fine. Fine.

Probably dead.

Mummified in some rocking chair.

- Lucy! - It's an adventure, right?

"Piss off." It says, "piss off."

Mr. Shaw?

Okay, we're officially, officially trespassing.

It's fine.

Wow.

Look at all these books.

- (mewls) - Oh! Oh!

Uh-oh! We're not bears!

We're not bears!

Didn't you see the signs?

I can't stand people who can't read.

I'm Lucy Stanbridge, from Stanbridge Publishing.

Thank you.

This is Rachel.

We're so sorry to disturb you.

Love what you've done with the place.

It's nice.