Party Down

All I can say is...

Congratulations.

And I need a new governess--

Marguerite!

Finally!

I expected at least a lion.

Well it wasn't that type of hunt, Mrs. Mandible.

Meet Sergio.

oh.

Mr. Dauntless!

But you're dead!

Chauncey!

This is gonna suck.

I mean actors are bad enough,

But fucking community theater?

It's like a delusion of a delusion.

Penelope has pictures of her husband

With Mrs. Mandible,

So now she can marry Mr. Dauntless--

If you were disguised as the maid the whole time,

Where is Fatima?

Colonel bey was Fatima in disguise!

I did a show here once.

It was cool, you just gotta get like in the right mindset--

Like pretending it's a hundred years ago

And anyone gives a shit about theater?

while we're at it,

Why don't we go check out

The epic poetry chant at the Agora.

Oh, the couples end up happily matched.

Oh, Fatima and the governess are making out.

Shit.

Hey. Hey.

God, I'm so sorry,

My audition went like really, really long--

It's all right, you didn't miss much.

Oh you did miss a delightful little farce.

Oh good.

'cause I fucking hate farce.

Really, 'cause given our relationship,

I'd have guessed you loved it--

I'm sorry I made a pass at you--

No, no, no it's--

I really, really am, you were totally right,

I treated you badly last year,

Then it's like I get into a hot tub for two seconds

And I lose all of my common sense,

No, no.

Well, yes.

Right.

I blame alcohol.

Fucking alcohol. Alcohol!

Why is it legal?

I dunno! That's my question.

I was thinking about that.

It's like, if only our representatives

Would pass a law banning alcohol,

None of this shit would ever happen.

Yeah and there'd be less organized crime--

Totally, none of that big band jazz--

Right, none of those annoying flapper people

That are everywhere these days.

Gone, yeah!

Okay so since we're doing the schtick again,

Does that mean that--

Yeah, we're cool.

Okay.

Wait, did you--

Did you tell anybody about what happened?

Like am I gonna walk in there

And be shunned as a harlot?

It's our little secret.

It is.

I mean, if you're shunned,

It'll just be for the usual reasons--

Yeah because I'm a Jew.

Yeah.

And then the audience wouldn't stop laughing!

Cool, great there you go.

You were simply magnificent--

Me, you were magnificent--

As were you.

Also magnificent--

And the others?

Magnificent!

So you were all magnificent,

Which means statistically,

Magnificent is average, and you're all average.

Here you are, congratulations--

uh, everyone?

Everyone, if I could just uh--

Thank you, thank you, grazie, grazie.

As you all know, I am Leland cork,

Director of the lyre of Orpheus theater,

And I would just like to say

Congratulations to the cast and crew

Of not on your wife

For a brilliant opening night!

You were all simply magnificent!

here here!

I'd also like to thank everyone else

For your magnificent support

Of the lyre of Orpheus theater.

It is only through your generous donations

That we are able to ensure, as always,

That the show must go on.

We all humbly thank you.

And encourage you to write just one more check of course.

No, no, no seriously,

Let us fill our glasses, toast our players,

And all get drunk on theater!

Angela, David, brava.

Mona, Mona, house manager, savior--

"magnificent" show, Mr. Cork--

Yes, the toilet's backed up again,

Could you possibly fix?

On the parapet at midnight,

I see the ghost of Kyle Bradway--

You thatch-headed wastrel, come here!

How have you been?

Oh, so good.

Yeah you know, just working my way up,

Doing my thing, you know?

Splendid, splendid.

We launched this boy from this very stage.

Fresh off the bus, I cast him as "longshorman"

In a view from the bridge.

Casting director sees him,

Puts him on television and ever since--

Whoosh!

Ah, well...

Gordon Barbelar!

Come here, you bald-headed wastrel--

Well I think you're better off without Paul, Casey.

Hey, now you're single, I'm single,

It's like, "look out, world.

Two cougars on the prowl--"

Yeah except that--

I mean I wouldn't really call myself a "cougar" but--

No, don't run yourself down like that.

You're a sleek, sexy wildcat on the prowl--

No, the-- "cougar" is--

It's like a slang term for a woman of a certain age

Who goes after younger men,

That's cougar.

It is?

Really? Yeah.

What about "bear"?

That's not slang for anything?

"bear" is slang for a large, hairy gay man.

Well that explains a lot.

I gonna have to change my online dating profile--

Hey, soon as you can, with those, you guys.

Yeah.

Where's Ron?

Ron is indisposed.

Okay, well then, when you get a sec Casey,

Can you help me get the white wine backstage?

Aye, aye--

Well, if anyone catches your eye tonight,

Let me know.

I'm a great wingman--

Okay, just no actors.

How about a former actor?

Maybe you should get back with Henry huh?

No. Did you think about it?

No? No!

Love him and leave him?

Been there done that? He has a girlfriend--

Does he have a big one? And no.

Does he?

Tell me.

Jesus, Ron!

Yeah. What is that?

A little light bathroom reading.

"management secrets of the CIA""

There.

Now how come there are so many

Dingaling actor-model-producers

In this town,

But so few down to earth achievers

Who just want to make something of themselves?

We're a rare breed Lydia.

Excuse me.

I heard what's next.

Glenngary Glen Ross.

"what's your name?"

"fuck you, that's my name--"

I dunno, I don't speak actor.

I thought all you guys were actors.

No, some of us pursue more useful work.

You're an engineer?

Nope, he's a writer.

Hey I need a single malt, neat--

We're out.

I hid some in the office--

A writer?

Great Scot writer, let me buy you a drink--

Why?

You make us exist!