Party Down

What's this about?

I guess...

professionalism.

At least going through the motions of doing the job

and pretending it matters.

You're firing me? Henry,

I need this job.

Well, I am sorry.

This is kind of what I'm talking about.

- Am I un-fired? - No.

I just lost my job.

I need a drink.

Please, Henry, don't...

I warned you three times. What am I supposed to do?

Not give a shit like a human being.

All you had to do was be on time and not get drunk.

- It's not a difficult job description. - It's because I was born short.

What?

You think it's easy holding that fucking tray up so high?

This is only because you're a shitty worker.

- That's it. - Henry? The promoter's looking for you.

- Yes, just in a second, Lydia. - Boss's busy firing me

'cause I make him uncomfortable.

- It's not true. - My car payments.

I'm gonna lose my car and my life will collapse because of you.

Are you happy?

- No, I'm not happy. - You love the power.

The big boss man.

You're gonna think about this tonight and jerk off.

And we are back...

Season 2 Episode 1 -

Does this seem okay to you?

You look so handsome,

- sweetie. - Really?

No Hot Pockets, honey.

Just salad,

- study the Hannah Montana's, and bed. - You got new head shots again?

Yeah, when my base jumping movie comes out,

I'll move up to B list. Gotta re-brand...

It's described in his contract.

Not only does this have six layers, not five,

- but it has four sides. - I understand.

You don't. The man's a practicing Satanist.

Five is very important to them.

Five layers. Five sides.

The pentagram.

You give a Satanist a four sided sandwich, that's like giving Golda Meir

- a fucking baked ham. - We're on it. We have new ones

- ready to go. - Thank you.

If Jackal Onassis bitches to me about one more thing...

No problem.

- Those ready to go? - No.

- No? - Henry, check this out,

- what do you think? - Not now.

Roman, the encore's just ending, I need these right now.

What do you want from me? I'm alone. Where's Tim?

- Henry fired him. - What?

Alan's sending a replacement. Actually, it's someone we know.

Why'd you fire Tim? Tim's awesome.

Because he didn't give a shit about the job,

which is something I actually wanted to talk to everyone about.

Attitudes have been getting

a little lax around here,

I just wanted to ask everyone if we could just

act more professional.

What, I'm trying to be serious here, Roman.

I know, that's why it's funny. Your posture and...

Just for tonight,

if you could please try and pretend to give

even one millionth of a percent of a shit.

Did Knute Rockne show up?

Casey.

Welcome, thank you, for,

the short notice. Everybody, you remember Casey?

Lydia, I'm sorry, Casey Klein.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Casey's the replacement?

- Isn't that kind of awkward? - It's not, I knew she was coming.

Tell me if it's cool or...

Cool, yeah.

You're wearing a blouse, but...

- that's cool. - They said it was a unisex chemise.

I think it's lovely.

Thanks.

Team leader. That's fuckin' crazy

- that you're team leader. - Yeah. We're kinda slammed, tonight.

Okay, Is there something I should do.

Shit. Goddamn it!

Kyle, Roman, you take that one.

Here, can you pick those up?

"Born out of Satan's anus."

Jeez, that's stupid. Satan is a fallen angel.

He can't poo, he doesn't have an anus.

Must be awkward seeing Casey again, yeah?

I think I'll be able to manage.

Uda must be fierce in the sack?

Actually, this isn't a conversation I'm going to participate in.

You don't have to.

It's common knowledge that uptight, controlling women

are sexually explosive.

God, I'm glad to have a girl in this big boy's club.

You're so pretty. You have to be an actress.

God, thank you.

I'm actually a comedian.

Like Whoopie Goldberg?

Sort of.

Ed, my ex,

hates Whoopie Goldberg. He said that women

shouldn't do comedy because they're not naturally funny.

Club owners, many of them think that way.

And he has issues with blacks.

So why he would have an affair with one...

That is a question for a psychologist.

Or as Ed would say,

a "Jew faggot".

I'm serious, Jackal, it was brilliant. It was fuckin' brilliant.

Thanks, Todd. Thanks for being so full of shit.

And I wanna fuck your wife, so... bullshit from you.

Corrected sandwiches.

Very sorry for the mix-up.

I get bullshit from everybody in my life!

You can't seriously be very sorry about sandwiches!

This is your ex-husband?

Very ex. Yes, very ex.

Me and Escapade left him back in Wapato.

Escapade, that's...

that's your car?

- My daughter the... - Your daughter!

She acts, sings, dances. Does comedy.

We sure would love some pointers on being funny.

Oh, God, I don't...

I mean, I can try.

I don't know what I can

tell you guys.

How are you doing?

Because Kyle told me...

that...

you and Henry...

used to...

It was a really long time ago. It's really not a big deal.

I know, how it is because,

After my divorce,

I still worked as the receptionist at Ed's exterminating service,

Cramped together, hate and lust all...

Yeah, that doesn't...

sound great, but it's so not...

We'll do a sign.

- A sign? - We'll do a sign.

If you feel uncomfortable at any time,

give me the sign.

Great.

So you're not sorry.

- Finally, some reality, thank you. - You're welcome.

- Is there there anything else... - I wanted all this. It's my fault.

I wanted this fame.

Success.

You guys know the gypsy's curse?

Your body's covered with warts.

"May you get everything you wish for."

- That's my curse. - Sorry to hear that. We have to go

what, do you have real-life responsibilities?

- Yes. - I wish I had those. I want those.

I have a fake life. I have fake friends, fake conversations, fake experiences.

The pussy, the money?

- That's real. - The pussy's here for the fame.

And what the fuck is money?

It's mortar holding up stinking walls

of bullshit. Know what I wish I could buy?

This. It's being you guys.

A real guy,

- an ordinary job. - This is a day job.

- I'm a writer, hard Sci-Fi. - You deal with reality,

- you know what I'm saying? - Yeah, I know,

that's why I think this is actually not all that bad.

Okay. Okay, so then let's switch.

Just for tonight. I mean, being me is easy, man. All you gotta do

is throw on some make-up, act like a total dick,

and let girls throw themselves at you, okay?

- I'm in. - What?

I can do it. You have a girlfriend!

Excuse me. Hello?

What?

Hold on.

I am very sorry. I have to go.

Roman, on the back bar?

- Don't worry about me. - Now?

Ron?

Henry Pollard! The big boss man!

Shit!

I saw the van and I was like, please let that be Henry's crew!

It's been a while.

- How's Soup R' Crackers? - Great experience.

- Yeah? - Yes.

I need you to get me backstage.

I don't know, Ron. It's a crazy night,

- and I could get in trouble. - No, I get it, I was team leader,

sure. Absolutely, I get it.

- I need you to do me a favor. - Will he do it?

- I could call Paco. - No!