Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines

I love you, Billy.

Oh, my God.

Damn it, Billy. I think you broke my jaw.

You fucking deserve it, you assholes!

Oh, are you okay, baby? No.

Get the fuck out of here!

What the hell are you doing dressed like that?

For the Mountain Man Festival, thought we'd dress up.

Yeah, where are your costumes?

What? We don't have any.

You can't go without a costume. It shows lack of commitment.

Can we have this conversation after I can get dressed?

Okay. Okay.

Nice, Billy. Ha-ha-ha. Grrr...

Nice. Assholes.

This is Kaleen Webber, reporting from the small town of Fairlake...

...which, once a year, turns into a big town on Halloween...

...due to the 10th annual Mountain Man Music Festival.

People from all over the country descend upon Fairlake...

...for a weekend of music, partying and fun at the fairgrounds just outside town.

The festival has grown over the years to where it now rivals...

...Coachella and Lollapalooza.

But some say that its free spirit and rowdy crowds reminds them of Burning Man...

...which has local officials concerned on this night.

Now back to you at the studio.

Great. Here's the deal.

I'm going for a run to get my head out of this town crap.

I'll meet you here for the live feed at 11.

And everything better be ready to go.

Go away, kid. Ha-ha-ha.

Hurry up. We gotta get on the road. I don't wanna be late.

All right, give me a minute to get up first.

We heard you're the one-minute man.

No. I assure you he has no problems in that department.

All right. I'm starving. I gotta make breakfast first.

Aw, come on, Billy. You gotta start your day out right.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES)

Ha, ha.

Nice costume, creep.

You know what? I'm sick of this.

I'm sick of you kids partying, making a mess and trying to scare people.

Well, you know what? You don't scare me.

So fuck you. Go home.

Help me! Help me, please! Somebody help me!

Hey, hey. Over here.

Oh, please help. They're chasing me.

Follow me. This way.

Down here.

Okay.

Okay, I think they've gone.

Thank you. You saved me from those maniacs.

Hey, you're bleeding pretty badly there.

Let me fix that for you.

Thank God for you.

Yeah. Thank God for me.

Now, you keep pressure on that. Mm-hm.

You stay here. Okay.

I'm gonna make sure they've gone.

Okay, it's all clear. This way. Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

But there's, uh...

There's just one thing I forgot. What?

This.

Hey, give me a hand, will you?

No, you fucking idiot.

The body.

Jesus fucking Christ.

(PLAYING DOWN-TEMPO MUSIO

Wake and bake, brother. Thanks.

Heh. You're such a slob.

Can you try and be a little bit cleaner for me?

What? You look like a pig.

All right. Check it out.

I got all our party favors arranged by date and time.

So this is cutting into my overhead.

But in honor of this weekend and Julian's great idea for us to come out here...

...I've made an exception.

First up, some chronic, which you're participating in.

And then some X for when we go trick or treating...

...and some shrooms for when the bands start playing. Oh.

You've been out of school for two semesters.

What do your parents think? Oh, no. They don't know shit.

And I wanna keep it that way.

Ah, besides, you know, I'm a budding entrepreneur.

Why did we have to come all the way out here?

Because it's Mountain Man, baby.

Hey, come on, look, we could have gone to Burning Man.

But I'm not gonna drive all the way across country.

We got a homegrown version of it here.

Yeah. Mountain Man has got a much more interesting story to it, anyway.

You know the story, Cruz? I'm not from around here, remember?

Okay, well, we're going to a small town called Fairlake.

It was founded in 1814 or some shit like that.

Well, apparently, the local miners didn't get along too well with the hill people.

I guess it was a territory dispute.

There was conflicts over the next couple of years.

Now, Halloween night, 1817...

...the entire town was ravaged by hillbillies...

...in the largest massacre in the state's history.

The only problem was no bodies were found.

It was just... Just blood. Lots of it. It was... You know, it...

The entire town, every inhabitant disappeared.

Was never seen again.

That's awful. Well...

Legend has it, the hillbillies hauled all the bodies up to the woods...

...created a huge bonfire and then they cooked the fair residents of Fairlake.

Well... And then they ate them.

Bah!

Okay, you know what? I don't wanna go. Oh, come on, baby, we're almost there.

No. I don't wanna celebrate a massacre.

It's innocent fun. It's wrong.

We'll just go tonight, we'll leave tomorrow, okay? Come on, Cruz.

Just one night, huh?

Please?

(PLAYING DOWN-TEMPO MUSIO

Okay, fine.

It is fine.

What the fuck is all this shit?

What have I told you about this?

I told you a thousand fucking times...

...you never leave anything behind.

You never ever leave anything behind!

What if somebody found this, huh?

Then you got oops investigating, snooping around.

You don't live in some goddamn hospital in the middle of nowhere any more.

You live closer to civilization, a lot fucking closer!

I have been doing this for 30 years...

...and I have never had to move.

Do you know why?

Because I never leave shit behind!

I swear to fucking God, you three pinheads...

...you'd all be under lock and key by now if I hadn't have happened across you.

You live in my fucking house now and you play by my fucking rules.

You do as I say...

...or I swear to God, I will take you all down, kin or no kin.

Get her processed.

Looking forward to the trip? Yeah.

Thinking about getting me a new .30-60 for the occasion.

It was lucky of Jason to win the bear license lottery.

I know. He's very excited.

Well, he's a good guy to invite me along. I know. That's why I married him.

You sure you don't wanna come? I've got a job to do.

You need to learn to relax a bit.

You're always so by-the-book. You ride us like we're in the military.

Discipline, Junior, it's a good tool to use in life.

Ready for tonight?

Mob of kids, such a pain in the keester.

It should be a big night for drunk and disorderly.

Sheriff Carter.

Who is the sexiest sheriff in all of Greenbrier County?

I'm the only sheriff in Greenbrier County.

Still doesn't mean you're not sexy.

Hey, I just blew off the second shift. I'm headed home.

That's good.

Junior's buying a new rifle for your hunt this weekend.

Tell him it won't make him a better shot.

Yeah, I already did.

I'm gonna fix some lasagna tonight for dinner.

I'll stop by and bring you some? That would be great.

But call first. It's gonna be a busy night.

I may head down to the fairgrounds.

Then I'll bring it to you there.

I'll call you later. Bye, honey.

Okay, bye, honey.

Gotta turn this up.

There's supposed to be about 20 bands there.

Oh, who's playing? The Cheetah Whores.

Oh, who are they?

An all-girl band. Freaking awesome. Yeah.

Gus' favorite band. Oh.

If they're so awesome, why haven't I heard of them?

You're from the West Coast. They don't play there.

When are you gonna go back, by the way? Mm, June.

But just for a month to see my parents.

Billy is coming with me. Yeah.

Nice. We are gonna have an epic time.

Meeting the folks? That's getting pretty serious.

Who? Me? Serious? Never.

Look out!

Is everyone okay?

Is anybody hurt?

I'm all right. No, we're okay.

Oh, shit.

Where did he come from?

Did We hit him?

I'm not sure.

Well, we should see if he's dead.