Duck Soup

Mrs. Teasdale.

Yes, Your Excellency?

I again ask you to reconsider.

Gentlemen, I've already loaned Freedonia

more than half the fortune my husband left me.

I consider that money lost.

And now, you're asking for another $20 million.

But it would only be for a few months to meet this present emergency.

With $20 million in the treasury,

we can announce an immediate reduction in the taxes.

That's all that the people are asking for.

I'm sorry, but I'm inclined to agree with the people.

The government has been mismanaged.

What?

I will lend the money but only on condition that His Excellency withdraw

and place the government in new hands.

You ask me to give up my office?

Yes, Your Excellency.

In a crisis like this, I feel Freedonia needs a new leader,

a progressive, fearless fighter!

A man like Rufus T. Firefly!

Rufus T. Firefly?

I will lend the money to Freedonia

only if Firefly is appointed leader.

The Honorable Secretary of Finance and Party.

His Excellency, Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania.

Ambassador.

Mrs. Teasdale.

It was so good of you to come.

I'm anxious for you to meet the new leader of our country.

No matter who rules in Freedonia, Mrs. Teasdale,

to me, you will always be the first lady of the land.

Oh, permit me. This is Miss Vera Marcal.

Ambassador Trentino.

Miss Marcal needs no introduction,

I've seen her dance many times at the theater.

Thank you.

The Honorable Pandooh of Mufhtan.

I must greet His Honor.

What have you found out?

Nothing. I've been waiting to hear from you.

I've given up the idea of a revolution.

I have a better plan. Oh, yes?

I can gain control of Freedonia much easier by marrying Mrs. Teasdale.

Maybe that's not going to be so easy.

Eh? Oh, from what I hear.

You see, Mrs. Teasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly.

Oh, well, that's where you come in.

I'm going to place him in your hands.

And I don't have to tell you what to do or how to... Careful.

I want you to meet His Excellency's Secretary, Bob Roland.

Ambassador Trentino. How do you do, sir?

Miss Marcal. We've met.

Of course.

Well, I hope His Excellency gets here soon.

His Excellency makes it a point always to be on time.

As long as I've known him, he's never been late for an appointment.

His Excellency is due to take his station

Beginning his new administration

He'll make his appearance when

The clock on the wall strikes 10:00

When the clock on the wall strikes 10:00

All you loyal ladies and you patriotic men

Let's sing the national anthem when

The clock on the wall strikes 10:00

His Excellency is due to take his station

Beginning his new administration

He'll make his appearance when

The clock on the wall strikes 10:00

We'll give him a rousing cheer

To show him we're glad he's here

Hail, hail Freedonia

Hail, hail Freedonia

Land of the brave

And free

Hail, hail Freedonia

Land of the brave and free

Hail, hail Freedonia

Land of the brave and free

You expecting somebody?

Yes.

Hail, hail Freedonia

Land of the brave and free

Oh, Your Excellency, we've been expecting you.

As Chairwoman of the Reception Committee,

I extend the good wishes of every man, woman and child of Freedonia.

Never mind that stuff. Take a card.

Card? What'll I do with a card?

You can keep it. I've got 51 left.

Now what were you saying?

As Chairwoman of the Reception Committee,

I welcome you with open arms.

Is that so? How late do you stay open?

I've sponsored your appointment

because I feel you are the most able statesman in all Freedonia.

Well, that covers a lot of ground.

Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You'd better beat it.

I hear they're gonna tear you down

and put up an office building where you're standing.

You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff.

If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here.

You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

The future of Freedonia rests on you.

Promise me you'll follow in the footsteps of my husband.

How do you like that? I haven't been on the job five minutes

and already she's making advances to me.

Not that I care, but where is your husband?

Why, he's dead.

I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.

I was with him till the very end.

Hmm! No wonder he passed away.

I held him in my arms and kissed him.

Oh, I see. Then it was murder.

Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money?

Answer the second question first.

He left me his entire fortune. Is that so?

Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you.

Oh, Your Excellency!

You're not so bad yourself.

Oh, I want to present to you

Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania.

Having him with us today is indeed a great pleasure.

Thank you, but I can't stay very long.

That's even a greater pleasure.

Now, how about lending this country $20 million, you old skinflint?

$20 million is a lot of money.

I'd have to take that up with my Minister of Finance.

Well, in the meantime, could you let me have $12 until payday?

$12? Don't be scared. You'll get it back.

I'll give you my personal

If it isn't paid by then, you can keep the note.

Your Excellency, haven't we seen each other somewhere before?

I don't think so. I'm not sure I'm seeing you now. Must be something I ate.

Look here, sir! Are you trying to...

Don't look now,

but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I want you to meet a very charming lady.

And it's about time.

Just a moment.

I want to present Miss Vera Marcal.

Go ahead. I can take it.

Oh, you don't understand.

This is Vera Marcal, the famous dancer.

Is that so? Can you do this one?

I danced before Napoleon.

No, Napoleon danced before me.

In fact, he danced 200 years before me.

Here's one I picked up in a dance hall.

Here's another one I picked up in a dance hall.

Perhaps sometime we get a chance to dance together, huh?

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Yeah?

On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.

Where is my secretary?

Here I am.

Good heavens, Your Excellency!

Uh, take a letter. Who to?

To my dentist.

"Dear dentist, enclosed find check for $500. Yours very truly."

Send it off immediately!

I'll have to enclose the check first.

You do and I'll fire you.

Your Excellency, the eyes of the world are upon you.

Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor.

This is a gala day for you.

Well, a gal a day is enough for me.

I don't think I could handle anymore.

If it's not asking too much...

For our information, just for illustration

Tell us how you intend to run the nation

These are the laws of my administration

No one's allowed to smoke or tell a dirty joke

And whistling is forbidden

We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke

Hail, hail Freedonia

If chewing gum is chewed the chewer is pursued

And in the hoosegow hidden

If we choose to chew we'll be pursued

If any form of pleasure is exhibited

Report to me and it will be prohibited

I'll put my foot down So shall it be

This is the land of the free

The last man nearly ruined this place

He didn't know what to do with it

If you think this country's bad off now

Just wait till I get through with it

The country's taxes must be fixed

And I know what to do with it

If you think you're paying too much now

Just wait till I get through with it

I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair

I'm strictly on the up and up so everyone beware

If anyone's caught taking graft and I don't get my share

We stand 'em up against the wall and pop goes the weasel

So everyone beware who's crooked or unfair

No one must take a bit of graft unless he gets his share

If any man should come between a husband and his bride

We find out which one she prefers by letting her decide

If she prefers the other man the husband steps outside