In a World...

Greetings, Americans.

Leave a message after the beep, but not if you're going to mumble,

because a voice is not just a blessing, it's also a choice.

Hey, Carol. It's Louis from Sound Mix-A-Lot.

I'm just calling real quick because Eva Longoria, the actress,

she has to re-loop her lines for an entire film where she plays a cockney mob wife.

I attached the sound file for you to check out.

She sounds like a retarded pirate,

so the studio is paying to have her work with a coach.

And I thought of you.

Sorry, I never use the word "retarded" in a derogatory way.

I hate people who do that.

Sorry, if you have a cousin or a friend who's retarded,

I didn't mean it that way. So, sorry about that.

Is that what you think, you stupid slapper?

Is that what you fink?

I don't give a shit about what you think!

Is that what you think, you stupid slapper?

This Wednesday, one woman will teach another woman

to sound a little less retarded.

In a world

like nothing you've ever imagined.

Without a single unified voice,

humanity has been left searching for answers to the unknown.

Now, one man has the power to change that.

One man.

Me.

When the storm hit, both our cars were totally underwater.

In a world where both of our cars were totally underwater.

We thought it would take forever to get some help.

But a new wind was about to blow.

There's hundreds of people doing voice work,

but only five of them are making all the money.

Yeah. That's as it should be.

I'm sorry. As long as I'm one of the five, that's as it should be.

Is it true that sometimes you will do 60 promos a week, 35 in a day?

Oh, yeah. That's... That's actually not uncommon at all.

That's pretty much a slow week in many cases.

Odds are you already knew the voice of Don LaFontaine,

who died in Los Angeles Tuesday.

He was 68.

He was the Don. He was the guy. Nobody really could ever compare to him.

When we were young, for a while,

we were both referred to as the "it boys" of the voice over world,

which I thought was kind of amusing,

because I never met a boy with pipes like these.

“In a world..."

Those words were for Don only.

- I mean... - There's no question about that.

But I think that it could safely be said everybody wants a piece of that legacy.

Meet Thomas Coyne. He's out of cents and he's $3 short.

Ever since I was a kid,

I remember hearing Don coo those words, “In a world... In a world..." You know?

And when I heard that I was like, “I want to be a part of that world.

“I want to be part of that world. That world."

For whoever takes his place, those are gigantic shoes to fill.

I think Don was a... I think a size 11.

It is true that I happen to be a 13.

I don't know if you can see that, but it's just the truth.

Whether or not that matters, I don't know.

Why aren't the humidifiers on?

I'm dead.

Fuckin' Christ.

Listen, did Gustav Warner happen to call?

- Jesus Christ. - He and I are getting a steam later.

I'm not home.

Did Gustav call?

God, Dad. I don't know why you... I can do what that guy does.

What the hell does that have to do with anything?

This Wednesday, one woman will teach another woman

to sound less...

This Wednesday, one woman will teach another woman...

I just woke up, so my voice is cold, but...

Look, are you hungry? Jamie worked me up an appetite.

I'm gonna rustle us up some grub.

Oh, my God. "Grub"?

I'm gonna make breaky.

"Breaky"?

Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you, Carol?

You know, I say, "Black," you say, "White."

- I'm gonna eat out here. - You're yelling so much. Why?

- You don't want to come, stay in bed. - It's so early.

Her name is Erin and her other name is Erin.

So you know that mentally unstable guy who lives in front of the Quiznos?

No.

You remember, he's the lunatic who's got that crazy German brogue.

You know, this is Jamie's favorite show.

Actually, it's quite good. You should check it out.

I think he's from Munich or something,

but I wanted to get his voice for my archives.

And he's always lecturing how the world's real currency is lettuce,

so I had to buy a head of romaine

- to negotiate with him. - I can't wait to see you, puppy.

I'm gonna purr to you all night long.

Voice mail?

- I'm sorry, sweetie. What's up? - Nothing.

Where is "the groupie" anyway?

What, is she busy at a smiling convention somewhere?

Jamie is doing re-shoots for a Ziploc commercial she got.

Jesus. That girl is bad news, Dad. I mean...

Honestly, she smells like Life Savers

and she has a Midwestern accent, un-ironically.

Moreover, she should be paying us rent. She's here a lot.

Jamie is going to be moving in, sweetheart.

You're gonna have to find another place to live now.

- What? She's 26! - She's 30.

- That's my age. - You're 31 now.

- Okay, barely. - Look, she's an adult. That's the point.

She collects rainbow magnets!

- At least she likes me. - For the wrong reasons.

Well, they're right enough for me.

I'm appalled, Dad. I'm appalled.

Look, I'm feeling happy for the first time in quite a while.

You know what? I think this is just a validation thing. I do.

I think you should start spinning again. I've been thinking about...

Carol, I love you, but let me tell you something.

You're not gonna be able to talk me out of this, okay?

Jamie printed me out an article from Yahoo! Health.

It was all about enabling, and I realized at that point

I cannot continue to support your emotional handicap.

- I understand. Okay. - Let me finish, okay?

Sometimes, I get the feeling I've done all I could for you, kid.

I mean, I let you share my crash pad with me for years.

I shared all my contacts in the biz with you.

Listen, if I could break you off a piece of this voice and give it to you, I would.

But I can't, because that's an impossible conceit.

And the truth of the matter is,

it probably wouldn't help you anyway because, let's face it,

the industry does not crave a female sound.

Yeah, Dad, you've made me painfully aware of that my whole life.

- I’m not being sexist, that's just the truth. - Okay.

This whole voice-cracking problem you've grown into

isn't doing you any favors either.

But here's what I'm trying to say, sweetheart. Okay?

You should stick with the accents.

I mean, that's your thing. That's what you're good at.

What was that great Russian Star Wars thing you used to do as a kid?

Yeah, I know the one you're talking about. But, Dad...

- What was it? - It was... Don't make me do it.

- Come on. - I don't want to do it.

Please let me hear it.

Deese are not the droids you're lookink for.

I just love that. It's so random.

But listen, I can't pay rent

with the freelance vocal coaching.

- So, why don't we think of an agreement... - Sweetheart,

not my problem. You understand?

Listen, I'm gonna support you by not supporting you.

Okay, but what's the timeline on this? Can you at least let me...

- Look, there's no big hurry. - Okay, good. Because...

Tonight would be good.

The search is on, my friend.

What's that?

There's a great big epic coming down the pike.

They wanna bring “It" back.

Copy starts with the words, “In a world..."

And right now, they're trying to find their guy.

How can they do that without LaFontaine?

He coined the phrase, he's the godfather of the industry.

Enough with that, please! That Don LaFontaine stuff. All right?

"Donnie was the... Was the godfather of the industry."

"Donnie had perfect tone." "Donnie had a big dick."

Donnie this, Donnie that!

All right, the guy was the best. You think I don't know that?

No, Sam, that's not what I meant.

I know what you meant. I understand. It's just... It's just...

What is it?

I'm sorry, Gustav. It's just hard.

I know.

I know I'm not as good as he was.

You know what? You.

You're their guy.

- That's right. - Sam...

If they want me to do it, sure.

I wrote the book. I lived that life.

I'm getting a Lifetime Achievement Award for Christ's sake.

And the fact of the matter is, I could never really do it as good as Don. No, no.

It's time. It's time to pass the torch.

What are you saying?

I'm saying, I'm going to go to bat for you, kid.

Moe, I am simply saying that it was on the counter this morning,

and that you just must have moved it. That's it.

Honey, you've misplaced it. That's all.

Okay. So, you're accusing me of losing my wedding ring! Got it.

Now see, I feel like that sounds kind of argumentative.

Moe, I'm not going to have an argument

about whether we're having a goddamn argument or not, right?

That's the only kind of argument I know how to have.

- I'm coming. - I'm somewhat practiced at it.

Dad kicked me out.

- Hey, Carol. - What? What happened?

- I need to wash everything I own. - Carol, could you have called?

I did, Dani, but you don't answer your telephone.

- That's not my fault. - What happened?

I'm glad I didn't throw away my lucky couch.

Okay. The groupie's moving in with Dad. Can you believe it?

- She's 23. - She's 30.

Well, it's your fault for introducing them.

I didn't. You always do that. No, you do.

- What is in this bag? - That was a different one.