Locked Down

Before you say anything, I'm not your brother, I'm your half-brother.

What was that? Why would you begin a conversation like that?

Because you're about to ask me for money. When I always say,

"Why should I give you money?" you always say, "Because I am your brother."

And I never point out you're my half-brother. I never say it.

- But things happening around here, they... - Hi, Paxton.

How are your erratic head movements?

I ask because I read an article.

Yeah, they're under control.

How's the, uh...

cement artwork?

She just sold a piece for 50,000 dollars.

A frozen waterfall.

- It felt appropriate for the times. - How is it appropriate for the times?

- You know, well, it doesn't matter. - I was actually calling to see how you were.

- Because I heard it's bad in New York. - It's bad.

They canceled the NBA.

We heard London's under total lockdown.

I've been furloughed, by the way.

- That's great. - Yeah.

Now there is literally zero purpose to my life.

- How's Linda? - Yeah, she's somewhere in the house.

Well, is there some type of issue?

Is there an issue? Let me see.

Convenient lie to avoid forensic examination of our domestic circumstances or tell the truth?

Okay, convenient lie.

No, there is no issue.

We are fine.

- Well, can you tell her I'm gonna Skype her? - Also, David, I've sold my motorbike.

- You've what? - I have a buyer.

He'll pay me when we are all unlocked

from this fucking prison of psychological hell-chains,

the fucking flames of burning aloneness.

The screw of isolation until you can't tell what is your body

and what is furniture.

No possibility of revving the engine and riding away.

Am I conveying anything of my mood to you?

Why have you sold your bike?

You are your bike, your bike is you.

Yeah, I have sold myself.

I have sold my former self.

I felt sorry for the bike.

It deserved someone who can do justice to its spirit.

Someone who still breaks the fucking rules.

So you and... You and Linda, what? You had a fight.

Linda said she was planning to end our thing.

Our relationship, our...

whatever this ever was, because we've grown apart.

Meaning that she had gone up and I have gone down.

She planned to end it before lockdown was announced.

In our conversation, there were a lot of droplets

and moisture because we were shouting.

I said some things and she said some things

and now we are stuck here together with the things we said

echoing around the house like fucking bells ringing.

For two weeks we are locked together here.

Anyway, truth be told, I just wanted to hear someone's voice.

And you chose us?

Yeah, why not?

- What happened to Mike? Your friend Mike? - Oh, no, no.

Uh, Mike and I are no longer speaking. He crossed... It's my delivery.

He crossed an important threshold when he said that the Covid virus

was the consequence of the secret release by Jews of alien DNA

into the water sprinkling system of a Chinese golf resort.

It looks like your food has arrived, so we'll let you go.

It's not food, it's a sandwich.

Yeah, hang in, brother.

- Half-brother. - Tell Linda I'm gonna call her.

Yeah, I'll leave her a note just to compound the oddness.

The stark reality of fighting coronavirus.

From Roundhay Park in Leeds, one of the biggest in Europe,

almost deserted, to Trafalgar Square in London, usually crowded.

Evidence of social distancing in action.

In this critically important time, Prime Minister Boris Johnson,

himself infected, has been sharing...

Maria, hey, is everything okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, everything's great. You know, we're staying strong.

Yeah, we just talked to Paxton.

Mm. Yes, I heard, some of it.

I put a pillow over my head.

He said you had symptoms.

They passed, I think. I hope. I don't know.

Oh, green smoothie.

You must send me that recipe.

It's not a recipe, it's an action.

You just put the green stuff in, press the on button.

How are things with you and Paxton? Is everything okay?

You know everything is not okay.

Not only is everything not okay, nothing is okay.

And everything is never okay. Even his name is not okay.

This is him speaking.

He says even his name is a predictor of doom.

That's how he is lately.

Oh, he's changed so much.

Oh, we all change. I mean, Linda, you've evolved.

He's mutated. He needs some help.

- I read an article... - He said the other day that any man over 35

- who rides a bus is a failure. - Things aren't okay with David and I.

- He rides the bus. He does it to torture himself. - David thinks things are okay.

No man is fully conscious, not really. I heard he's selling his motorbike.

That's a big step.

Yeah, we agreed he needed some time,

so he was planning on using the money from the bike to go to Kazakhstan

to think about his life.

Why Kazakhstan?

We went on a road trip there ten years ago.

Ten years ago?

- A million years ago. - Oh, God.

Anyway, now he's stuck here and I'm stuck here.

Linda, is there someone else?

Nope, just me and him.

No, I mean like another man?

No.

Or a woman?

What?

I was just speculating.

Thinking about that night we came to London and you and I went too far.

Oh, that was just weed and curiosity.

We both had orgasms, Linda.

You know, they say these calls aren't really the most secure.

I think about that night sometimes.

- You do? - Yeah, don't you?

Mm, listen, Maria. I have been on Skype and Zoom calls all day.

The office is locked down. I really gotta get some sleep.

- Okay, bye. - Bye-bye.

I love you.

What?

God.

Paxton? Are you going somewhere?

- Where would I be going? - Why is the hose in the exhaust?

I was just...

Oh, I was just gonna take a selfie.

Someone at work texted me and asked how I was coping with lockdown.

I was gonna send a photo of myself

with a hose shoved up my helmet by way of reply.

I thought it'd be funny.

An amusing expression of despair.

You were really just gonna take a selfie?

- I had the phone in my hand, didn't I? - You weren't gonna start the engine?

And go where? You can't go anywhere.

I came in here and I could...

I could smell the garage and the bike, and the smell, it...

It made me very sad for some reason.

That shelf's covered in oil. You're gonna get your ass covered in oil.

Jesus, what a day.

Bad?

No, just work.

I had some bad news, nothing compared to...

everything.

I really was just gonna take a selfie, by the way.

By the way, just so you know, in case you were worried.

Oh, just... Just a little game.

Or a rehearsal.

You know, I'm not... Please don't think I'm looking for anything.

- Any emotion. - Maria just called and said she loves me.

- What? - I know.

Secrets coming out all over the place. You have the key to get back in?

No.

I'll leave the door open for you.

What's wrong?

You playing with hoses and exhausts and we carry on as if everything was normal.

I'm not normal lately, I know that.

I haven't been sleeping

at all.

I mean, I've never been normal, but... I used to be quite proud of it.

Now I just...

- Just what? - I don't know.

Now I'm just acutely aware of the inconvenience it causes.

My superanalysis of every grain of sand.

Every word.

Being locked up is making it worse.

We have to find some way of getting through this separately.

We're only together because we're in the same house.

We can sort of move around each other until we're free.

- What? What is it? - No, nothing.

Good night.

There's a bit of Christmas decoration.

It's been there since Christmas.

My therapist says I should try to tolerate it, to use it as a test.

Up until now I've been able to live with it as a test to prove my progress.

Well, fuck progress. Why don't you take it down?

- These tests... - My therapist says I...

Fuck the therapist.

- Paxton... - Well, you almost did.

Grow up. Take it down. If it bothers you, take it down.

Christmas is not exactly a great memory, anyway.

Christmas is not a great memory, I agree with you.

It was the beginning of the end for us.

That was way before Christmas for me.

Sorry.

Why do people think honesty is good?

What are you doing about therapy, anyway?

I'm doing it on Zoom.

My therapist has antlers on his wall.

These are extraordinary circumstances, Paxton.

You can't live with a woman who's dumped you and tinsel on the ceiling.

- Have we decided to laugh about all this? - Why not?

There's nothing else we can do there. Do you want a chair?

Sure.

Bravo.