Weekend at Bernie's II

Are you sure?

Yes, that's him.

That's Bernie Lomax. I'd recognize that smirk anywhere.

Do you think you could put him back now? Please?

I've seen my share of dead people today.

See you, Bern.

Just leave him there, all right?

Every Labor Day it's the same thing over and over again.

The bodies keep piling up and piling up. Big bodies, little bodies...

Do you need us anymore?

I've got some papers here to sign.

He's got papers for you to sign.

Go ahead, sign them.

I don't want to sign them. You must sign them.

You have better penmanship than I do.

They were around here a minute ago. Just...

I don't suppose you could hurry this up? I mean we're gonna be late for work.

We got a big raise today. Promotion day.

I'd settle for an office with my very own door.

You are getting a door.

We're back from picking up after that gas barbecue explosion.

Yeah? How many did you get?

Three and a half.

Put them in the back.

Sign here.

Okay. If I sign this, does that obligate me to pay for his funeral?

No, no, no, no. It's just for his personal effects.

Oh.

You're related to him, aren't you?

He was my uncle.

Do you have a pen? Thank you. I was very close.

Your uncle?

Hey! I'm walking here!

So am I!

So what? The guy had no family.

None that's gonna admit to him, anyway, eh? Look at that.

Wait. Couldn't you just save the grave robbing for later?

Do what you need to do, but not in front of me.

Whatever.

Here they are, sir.

After you, Richie. Hello.

You're the ones that discovered

Bernie Lomax's theft from the company.

That's us.

Yes, sir. I'm Richard Parker.

Larry Wilson. Really it was nothing.

Anybody with half a brain could have figured it out.

Is that so?

This is Arthur Hummel

he's with the Internal Investigation Department of the company.

-Oh -Arthur? Richard Parker.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Guess we kind of saved your ass, Arthur.

I mean, Bernard was really raping

the company right under your nose.

-Thank you. -No sweat!

Oh that's right, you were with Bernie Lomax

on Hampton Island when he was murdered.

-Oh yeah! We were there the whole weekend. -It's awful. A tragic story.

-Hell of a house, though. -He had a heated pool on the beach...

-What? -... Chicks.

Hm?

I'm just being curious, but what were you doing there?

-Working. -Working?

Yes...(STUTTERS)... A few days earlier we had uncovered some duplicate policies.

$2 million worth, with Lomax as beneficiary.

Uhm...

Yes, naturally we also assumed it was an error.

Then Mr. Lomax invited us out to his beach house to discuss the matter.

Discuss it.

At least that's what Larry told me.

You know, I'm just curious, why didn't you go

to someone besides Bernie Lomax?

Weren't you just the least bit suspicious that your friend...

No.

...was the named beneficiary in the phony policies?

No, that's wrong. He wasn't my friend, he was Richie's friend.

He wasn't my friend. Bernie Lomax tried to kill us.

Then he tried to have us framed for what he was stealing.

-(LARRY): You hear that? -I don't buy it.

There's nothing to buy, sir. It's the truth.

It's a fact, Jack.

I've heard enough.

There seems to be a gray area here.

There certainly does, sir.

And, frankly, I don't think our bonding company would cover either one of you.

Well, that's okay.

You'll receive two weeks severance.

That's like instead of the raise?

No, that's like we've just been fired.

You're firing me?

Don't go back to your offices. And don't try to take any papers with you.

We didn't do anything wrong.

We were working for the company.

-You're firing me? -Don't beg, Rich!

I'm willing to beg on my hands and knees. I just want my door!

You got your door!

Arthur, do me a favor, blow me. Huh?

I don't buy their story. They know where the money is.

I'll nail them.

I hope so, for your sake, Hummel.

I've a stock holder's meeting in two weeks...

...and if I have to tell them that

this company is out $2 million...

...you're gonna be out as well.

$100,000 for a voodoo queen. Don't you think that's a bit excessive?

It beats losing a whole $1 million.

How did I know someone was gonna kill him?

I had my doubts about this whole thing.

Hey man.

They say that's the last person thst doubted the Mobu's power.

I thought your friend said there was a party tonight?

Yeah, that's what he told me.

Well, where's the liquor at?

Excuse me.

Big-boned sister.

Say, Homes, where are they hiding the Scotch?

Right.

Hmm. In the house. Ooh. From New York.

Is that Oprah?

Uh-hm.

She obviously wants you.

Go back to New York. Carry out these instructions.

What? Nah, nah, nah, you misunderstand.

We don't wanna go home so soon, see we just kinda got here.

Yeah, we came to see the carnival.

Yeah, you don't wanna miss that.

You will do as I bid.

Word.

Go to New York.

Raise this man from the dead.

He'll lead you to where he has hidden the cartel's money.

Follow my conjure precisely for the magic to work.

You will need this.

And this.

Larry...

Excuse me.

That's ok. I'm just here with my friend.

Go right ahead, sir.

How're you doing? I was waiting outside for, gee I don't know, a half an hour?

Are you crazy? This is the most expensive restaurant in New York.

Richard. You still wear pajamas?

If you brought me over here in the middle of the night to loan you money...

Oh I get it, your mother doesn't like you getting the sheets all sweaty.

What's your big emergency? Why did you call?

I found this in Bernie's wallet.

It's a key to a safety deposit box in St. Thomas.

-(LARRY): Huh? -(RICHARD) Okay. This is why you woke me up?

See, I have three job interviews in the morning

-and I'd like to go back to sleep. -Richie, Rich, Rich, Rich...

don't you read the Post ?

Come on, it's like this offshore money laundering.

It's like that Vesco guy, Michael Milken, these guys.

I'm willing to bet you that's the $2 million that Lomax stole.

Now, there's a code on the thing.

All we need to do is tap into the computer at work.

Well you see that presents a little problem.

First, it's illegal.

And two, we were fired today.

How are we going to get access to the computer?

Oh, my, God, we're gonna break in, aren't we?

In a very narrow sense of the word, that's true.

I tell you what. You break in. You enjoy yourself. You go to jail.

I mean the beauty part of the whole thing

was all you had to do was work the computer.

I was gonna get us in.

But fine. If you can't do it, Richard, that's fine. I understand.

All right Rich, I mean I was just trying to help you out

because I mean look, you're going to find it very difficult

to find employment with this, this scandal...

hanging over your head.

Okay. So I'll have to do the little computer thing.

-All right. -Your check, sir.

-All right. -Thank you.

I put a little something extra on there for you, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Lomax. That's very generous of you, sir.

Thank you.

-You're using Bernie's credit card. -Yeah.

He had five gold ones in there.

I practiced his signature. Got it down cold. I got extra.

Let's just get this over with.

Whatever you like. Whatever you want.

Shut up.

You had to drag me to that damn party.

Well you wanted to go.

Yeah well I'm gonna be pissed off if I miss carnival, that's all I know.

Well the quicker we do it, the quicker we get back to the island.

Yeah, bet.

It's clear, come on. Get the gurney.

Come on, come on, come on.

Wait.

Back up, back up!

Down there.

-Ain't this a bitch? -Uh huh. -Let's get him.

What are you looking at? You got a problem with this?

Ain't none of my business.

Now what we gonna do?

I don't know. Find a nice quiet spot to do the do, you know?

Uh.