The Brokenwood Mysteries (NZ)

Did your mother know best when she left me in charge of you? (DOG WHINES)

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Evening! Why, it is indeed, sir! (CHUCKLES)

Good morrow! (DOG BARKS) OK.

This town gets weirder every year. Yeah. Steampunk is, Mike.

Not really my thing, but you've got to admire the creativity, I guess. Mm.

I never picked you to be a corgi guy. Friend of a friend.

Oh, yeah.

I'm about to head out to the lookout. Wanna join me?

Oh, I'd love to, but he struggles with the hills. You know, short legs.

OK. (CHUCKLES) Hey, corgis are cute.

But look out, cos they're one of the more deadlier breeds. Ciao!

- Come on. Yah! - (DOG PANTS)

# I met her in the comic shop. My heart started bumping.

# She saw me with her camera eye. Her pistons were pumping.

# My girlfriend is a robot- a mechanical dream.

# Her coals glowed hot, burning love into steam.

# I made her cogs and knobs and gears all go a-clatter,

Thank you! Thank you. And now, please welcome our leader -

Ace Dirigible Pilot, Captain J.R. Brocklesby!

Thank you!

Salutations, all!

And welcome to the annual Brokenwood Aeronaut Steampunk Convivial.

Huzzah! Huzzah!

I wish to offer my heartfelt gratitude to Mrs Winsley, for providing such sumptuous vittles.

And, of course, to Dr Devious for his devilish libation. (RAPTUROUS CHEERING)

As you know, each year, we fundraise to take us all down to the Grand Steampunk Festival in Oamaru,

and ifs a wonderful time.

Lord knows it's expensive too. So this year, I decree

that the Brokenwood Aeronauts will not be launching an official contingent to the festival.

Fear not, my friends. All is not lost. No.

To elaborate, I'd like to invite the town big bug -

the Right Honourable Mr Neil Bloom! Come on here! Yes!

Gosh, look at you. (CHUCKLES) (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK SCREECHES) Uh, thank you, Alden.

I have to admit, I don't fully understand what, uh, steampunk is, (CHUCKLES) or what's going on here,

but I have it on good authority from my nephew, Bart, that is a lot of fun,

and I'm assured by Captain Brocklesby that it celebrates diversity.

Oh, absolutely.

And if Brokenwood is to be known for one thing, it should be inclusiveness.

Which is why the District Council has agreed to support

the first ever official Brokenwood Steampunk Festival!

Magnificent news! Magnificent news, and hear me - it shall be bigger, better, grander by far!

We shall be the talk of all things steam.

The Brokenwood Aeronauts shall reign supreme! Huzzah! CROWD: Huzzah!

Now, let's all get slaughtered!

This one's called 'Steampunk The Funk.' A-one, two, three, four!

These fireworks, ladies and gents,

have been banned in 50 countries!

Smuggled into New Zealand for the Chinese New Year! Extremely dangerous in the wrong hands.

Oh, just bloody get on with it. Sorry for trying to create a sense of occasion, Eric!

- (FUSE FIZZLES) - (ALL GROAN)

Oh, dammit. Wait. Wait.

You!

- (FIREWORK SQUEALS, EXPLODES) - (CHEERING, LAUGHTER)

Just go.

I promise I'm not watching.

This one's gonna be a doozy!

- (BOOM!) - (CHEERING, LAUGHTER) - (FIREWORK CRACKLES)

Oh- Oh my God. Don't look at me!

- (BOOM!) - (CROWD SCREAMS)

Alden! Hey. Alden. Hey. Hey!

Oh my God. Alden?

Alden! (SHRIEKS)

Captions made with the support of NZ On Air.

Typical. Just finishing up a lovely Sunday roast lamb.

Ooh. The Roxy Special. Breen Special, actually. Ooh.

You? Oh, nothing fancy.

Can of soup. Ooh. You been on the soups a lot since you and Kahu broke up.

You should come around after. There's leftovers. As I have already explained,

Kahu and I haven't broken up. Right. You're just not seeing each other.

He's 60 miles off-shore working on an oil rig, and I don't do long-distance relationships.

Got it. Ooh.

I see budget cuts have really hit the dog section this year. (DOG WHIMPERS)

Belongs to the senior. He's just round the corner. Mike's got a dog?

That's a mid-life crisis. (SCOFFS) It's a corgi. Hardly the sports car of the canine world.

I think I might pass on the roast lamb. Yeah, copy that.

Oh, hold up. We've got a biohazard.

So far, one confirmed fatality - a Lionel Bridges.

Another male rushed to hospital in serious condition.

The hell happened here? Steampunk Club party thing.

Portaloo exploded. Do we know what caused it?

Suspected gas leak.

What? Didn't say anything. There was a propane gas bottle visible,

but we can't get in there until the hazmat team have deemed the area safe.

You should walk in single file. Less chance of stepping on another mine.

I... highly doubt a landmine caused this.

What else? Uh, probably quite a few things. Such as?

Well, that's what we're here to investigate.

But no answers yet, so you should consider the worst case scenario.

In Russia, there is a saying -

'Life is like a landmine.'

'Life is like a landmine...'

Every step you take might be your last.

You Russians are a cheery bunch (!) Try to be.

Mike, the victim is in several pieces. This will take some time.

And nothing doing until hazmat give you the all-clear?

Good things happen to those who wait, Mike.

Right.

Witnesses. Let's see if this is anything more than a freak accident.

Well, an exploding Portaloo. Nothing suspicious about that.

Victim - Lionel Bridges.

60 years old, owner of the Brokenwood Models and Trains Shop.

Also founding member of the Aeronauts Steampunk Society.

Do we know what steampunk is yet? Um... quite strange?

Mm. Yeah, I can corroborate that. Hm.

Lionel is also the father of one of the members.

Uh, Poppy, do you recall where you were at the time of the blast?

Seriously? (GASPS) Her dad has just been killed.

All right. Um, sorry. Uh, look, this can wait.

It's Cleo, yeah?

Can I organise you two a ride home'? Yeah.

Are you hurt?

She's embarrassed cos she wet herself. Poppy!

We were outside, watching the fireworks display when it happened. When, 'boom.'

I see. Well,... don't worry.

It happens.

Shock, you think? Maybe. Probably didn't help that she'd been drinking.

Actually, most of them seemed pretty drunk, or, as they like to say in their steampunk vernacular,

'Full as a tick. Soaked. Sloshed. Fully roostered.'

Yeah. For a bunch of nerds, they really like to get on it.

The owner of the Portaloos - uh, Tim Werner - was certainly embodying all of those terms.

Has anything like this ever happened to one of your Portaloos before?

Timmie Time Toilet Tanks don't explode.

That wouldn't be very good word of mouth.

What was the gas tank for? Oof. Huh?

Hey- Whoa- Hey! (LAUGHS) Hey, hey, hey. ls there someone we can call?

No, no. Uh, I'm OK.

Oh, uh, no, no, no. Let's, urn... We'll get you a ride home, eh?

OK.

I just gotta use the toilet.

No, no. No, no. You can't. It blew up, right? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Smelt like the floor of the Frog and Cheetah.

How do you know what the floor of the Frog and Cheetah smells like?

I'll follow up today.

Is it possible a firework hit the gas tank?

Yeah, possible, but unlikely.

We got a licence for them! You don't need a licence for fireworks, Nigel.

OK! Well, we read all the safety precautions on the box.

Jesus! Sony!

We bought them off a stall on the side of the road. Honestly, they were rubbish, really.

Did any of them go near the Portaloo?

Most of them didn't go anywhere at all.

And the owner of the hangar - he flies hot air balloons?

Yes. Uh, Alden Coombes.

Still in hospital. They're going to update me when he regains consciousness.

Now, um, are we going to talk about the dog-shaped elephant in the room?

Willie? I'm looking after him for a friend. Mm.. A, uh, female friend?

Hm, possibly a... girlfriend?

- (CELL PHONE RINGS) - (CLEARS THROAT)

Gina. Mike, I have finished assembling the body, minus one piece.

It was challenging. It reminded of Tetris.

I'm on my way.

Right. (CLEARS THROAT)

Come on, Willie.

Let's go. Uh, Mike?

Dog, mortuary. Still got...

Charred body parts.

Right. I see your point. Um...

Here.

What?

Given that he was at the epicentre of the blast, I'm surprised he's in such good shape.

Shapes, Mike. He's in shapes.

But the walls of the portable toilet were plastic, so the energy of the blast was dispersed.

If they were made of concrete, he would have been liquefied.

Pink mist.

Anything of note? Hmm...

His lungs show signs of heavy smoking, his liver was inflamed, blood alcohol very high.

His bladder was empty, and he had fish and chips for an early dinner - probably around 5:30pm.

But most interesting...

the lighter had been fused with the skin.

I found what remains of a packet of cigarettes too.

So we have a probable source of ignition?

Good work. I'm not just a pretty face, Mike.

No. (CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, you said you were missing a piece.

Yes. My Tetris is incomplete.

Sims. Forensics have found the remains of a hose attached to the propane tank,

and it appears strips of duct tape were covering the ventilation holes of the Portaloo.

Someone purposely filled it with gas.