Operation White Christmas

You want to know what happened?

Then listen carefully,

* Music: "It will soon be dark" *

Okay, wait a second, That was a little too fast,

Let's rewind a bit,

It all began about three weeks ago,

In a small town named Klagenfurt am Wérthersee,

It was the end of November,

the beginning of the Christmas season,

And while most people were looking forward to Christmas,

one of them had ,,, It's this one, Enis,

He didn't have a clue about

what was waiting for him this year's Christmas,

And before I tell you the whole story,

there's one thing you should keep in mind,

It's not tranquil, it's not sweet,

but so isn't Shrek,

Hello?

Hooray! Bravo!

Grandma!

Welcome to world of Enis,

Welcome to the last video store in town

and within a radius of 100 kilometres,

Which explains why Enis even has Italian customers,

But these customers aren't just customers,

they are family,

And this one you'll see in a minute, whose name nobody knows,

that's his best friend,

Did you win "The biggest loser"? What's up with your clothes?

You sent me an invitation to a theme party,

I did? - Yes,

Okay, that explains a lot, - Mhm,

Gosh, this stupid detox, But at least he got my invitation,

That guy with Pfarrer Mohr? That's mincemeat Horst,

What's that on his apron?

Yeah, he came directly from the slaughterhouse,

He doesn't believe in bacteria, - Uhm ,,,

You probably haven't seen him yet

because you always sleep during the day,

Great, then everyone's here, I guess,

Speech, speech!

Yes, let's hear a speech,

It's gonna be a disaster, - Shush,

Well, hello, Thank you all for coming,

Thanks a lot,

Enis, you're a hero,

What should I say?

Just go with the flow, take it slow,

It doesn't matter who we are and where we come from,

It's love that connects us,

That's right!

Love for movies which infects us,

Josh Hartnett once said:

"Nobody asks to be a hero,

it just sometimes turns out that way,"

I'm not a hero,

I owe all of this to my dad,

This video store was a dream of his, And the last memory I have of him,

But thanks to you, I can live his dream,

You are the real heroes,

And you're the reason that there's no wrecking ball

hiding behind that door, unlike with other video stores,

It's gonna be tough,

Fuck V,O,D,! Fuck V,O,D,!

But we will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We're going to live on, okay?

We're going to survive, - Yes!

Bill Pullman, Independence Day,

We ride together,

We die together, Bad boys for life!

Yeah!

And I want to thank two really important people,

They gave me a home and always believed in me,

It didn't matter if I screwed up, you were always by my side,

You chose my dreams over yours,

I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart,

Thank you,

I promise, I will pay you back each penny,

You're acting like a bumpkin version of Marlon Brando

and lying to all of them,

Although this video store

is responsible for your empty bank account,

I thought you weren't touching computers at the moment,

I'm clean,

But your account is as safe as a school's locker,

I'm just looking out for you,

Like Trinity does for Neo,

And that although you're not nearly as good looking,

And get rid of that, Ass hair is sexier than that,

Not even close, Keanu, - Okay, you know what? Shut up,

Enis Altmann, you need a plan,

Who are you? My grandma?

Okay, you're my best platonic friend ,,,

No, I'm your only friend,

Because you are my best friend, I found an exit strategy

in the darknet for your debt,

I'll say it one last time: I don't need your help,

We're closed, - Oh, pardon me,

The light was still on, so I thought ,,,

Yeah, no problem, Come in, come in,

You haven't been here before? - No,

Can I help you with something? - I think you can, young man,

Excuse my curiosity,

but did you throw a Christmas themed party today?

No, we celebrated our jubilee,

We? You mean you and this Chinese VHS, right?

This VHS is part of the inventory, It's my store,

"Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight?"

Yeah, often, Good grief,

Oh, that's probably a quote from the movie,

Well, no, I've never seen that movie,

But I like the title,

"Manhunter", Well, well,

You know, I'm almost embarrassed saying this out loud,

but I still have a video recorder at home,

Mhm,

Do you want to see something cool?

Yes,

Behold,

The beating heart of this video store,

Well, that's impressive,

Wow, that's something,

Can you smell it?

That's the 90s,

I never thought I'd experience something like this,

Brand new movies on VHS, You only get them here,

Of course, including a free of charge playback device,

Say, is this all legal?

Okay, I would just need to see your ID shortly

and for every new customer, the fifth movie is free of charge,

I'm sorry, but I really would rather not

continue listening to your nonsense any longer,

Let's drop this comedy show, - Can you do that once more?

I'm sorry, where are my manners,

Could you let this VHS know that it would be smart for her

to make a move now?

Would you be as kind, Enis? That's your name, right?

Do we know each other? - Well, I do know you,

Can you guess why?

Because, in all modesty, I'm the best in this business,

And what kind of business would that be?

A problem centred business,

Solving problems quickly and discreetly is my passion,

Believe me, nobody in this entire world

solves complicated cases faster than me,

You know what they call me?

I'm called the sphincter,

But friends call me Bobby, Bob,

Fuck!

Okay, I propose we talk about the payment terms first,

How do you want to pay?

Cash, gold, transfer, Bitcoin?

What?

"What" is the ugly brother of "Beg your pardon”,

What?

The deal was that I take over your debt,

Oh my god, that guy is my exit strategy

from the darknet,

Wait a second,

For God's sake,

NaughtyNinja156? - Mhm,

I didn't keep up mentally, Lost my composure once again,

Would it be okay for you if I added one percent

to the commission to make amends?

Commission? - What commission,

Here goes the stroke simulator again,

I'm impressed, chapeau, chapeau,

That guy's all you promised me,

He'd believe anything,

Okay then, listen up,

I have to get a job done and you're short on cash,

So, for you not having to close this small but fine museum forever,

and because I don't want to get my hands dirty,

we could help each other,

I help you, and you help me,

You know, similar to that movie with the lambs ,,,

Quid pro quo,

I've got this for you as well,

A small present, Lucky piggy,

Then it's done,

I hope you have a tranquil first advent,

Naughty Ninja and commission?

I really don't know what he's talking about,

Are you crazy?

My last session in the darknet was for you!

You could really be more thankful, you know,

Because you brought the Grim Reaper in?

I told you I didn't need any help!

90,000 euros,

Where do you wanna get that much money from?

Everything that you've done in your life up until now,

you did for this video store, for your father's gift,

You could get rid of all debt in just one night,