The Brokenwood Mysteries (NZ)

She climbed the stairs soundlessly,

feeling a frisson of excitement,

that was almost like a sexual pleasure

as she thought of the knife about to penetrate his flesh.

This man had used her, and now she would use him -

call it target practise,

call it butchery,

she would cleave him head from shoulders

like a log on a block

and watch his life paint the walls crimson.

She could feel her cheeks burning.

She could see his shadow.

Is your jam - chicks offing guys for sport?

Well the perpetrator isn't always female.

He's an equal-opportunity author.

Yeah, I've read him. Don't think much of his style.

Well you wait til you see him.

Oh, Christ, we are so late.

You could turn the sirens on.

She could see his shadow on the wall -

his long legs, his mane of hair,

those shoulders, mm,

the back she had clung to in raptures,

the neck she dreamed of kissing...

Heart thudding like a hammer,

she spoke his name softly.

He turned...

Sorry, if we could pause there.

Oh God, don't stop! Sony, I'm a little dry.

Speak for yourself.

Perhaps we could...? Of course. Let's take a break.

After which I'll be sure to satisfy you completely.

If I could have some help with the supper?

Can I? Thank you.

Come on. We're missing the reading.

Well, you really should have put these in a tin.

It's bring a plate. Book club rules, apparently.

This is so your first time, right?

Oh God, just give it here.

Oh sh-!

And that's why. Oh my God.

Three-second rule? Yes! Quick.

OK. No sausage roll shall be left behind.

I hope they have more sauce inside.

Oh. Sony.

This is the guy? Mm.. It doesn't really do him any justice.

Man, you've got it bad, eh? I just really like his books.

Yeah, all right. Come on. His books.

Has he started?

Um, we only just got here. My sausage rolls took forever.

Glad we're not the only late ones.

I'm not late.

The reading started over half an hour ago.

I don't want to hear him read. I just want to see him.

You've got the hots for this guy too?

Hots? No. A bone to pick, yes.

What sort of a bone? We should go in.

Yeah. The major hots.

I hope he's signing books.

Damn. We've missed it.

Only a wonderful first half. It's supper break.

Oh, good.

These just wouldn't crisp.

Did you use an egg wash? No.

Oh, absolutely essential. Oh.

I might heat these up a bit. They get really claggy when they're cold.

Great cheese rolls, Mrs M. Thank you, Jared.

They're always a popular item. Great kai indeed.

How was the reading?

He was hamming it up a bit.

Oh. Are you a fan?

Excuse me. I might just go and...

hunt down a cup of tea.

Oops! (CHUCKLES) Taxi.

Are you insinuating something?

It was a joke, Maxine.

I don't see the funny side.

Maybe it'll come to you.

Well, if you don't get it the first time, how funny is it?

Ooh! You made those? My mother's recipe.

I might like to note that.

Mmm! They're very good. I can vouch for that.

Hey, um, I'm gonna shoot through.

Oh, no, he's reading again after supper.

I'm good. I reckon he's a bit over-rated.

Give me Jane Austen any day.

Everyone stay where you are.

I need everyone to remain in this room.

We have a team on their way.

Can I make a cup of tea for Petra? She's had a nasty shock.

No, I can't have everybody moving around a crime scene.

Thanks for holding the fort.

He's on the stairs.

Get the area cordoned off. Who found him?

You know her. She has a corgi.

My ex-wife is part of a book club?

That's a new one.

Part of her fresh start, maybe? It's part of something no doubt.

Get talking. I'm gonna have a chat with the author.

Hey. This could take some time and I was thinking...

Uh, yeah. Take off while you can. Love your work.

Why is he allowed to leave?

Because he was with me the whole time and he's not a suspect.

And we are?

Well it's just procedure. We need to know where everybody else was.

What they saw, what they heard.

Are there any other spaces we can use,

just to give people some privacy?

Well there's the kitchen.

And the special nook.

Right. You use the hall,

I'll take the kitchen and Mike can have the... nook.

Can I have the kitchen?

You know you can't eat the food, right?

Yeah, but I can just look at it. Yeah, no.

You talk to the girl first. She looks like she needs to go home.

Why am I being contained here?

We arrived together, I did not leave this room.

I am missing a valuable opportunity to examine a fresh corpse.

The man's hardly cold.

This is my point.

Yeah, you go.

So, what's your story, Jack? Stabbed in the back.

Someone's sending a message here -

betrayal? Revenge.

Someone's idea of a joke.

Knife In The Back - this is the title of his latest book,

and this is how the victim dies.

Someone's recreating it? Exactly.

So who done it in the whodunit? I mean, that is not a line of enquiry you should follow.

The book is fiction.

Nonetheless... A deranged pathologist commits the murder.

Ah.

She is cold, clinical. In my view, an unconvincing character.

I'm sorry. (SNIFFLES) I'm devastated.

I invited Jack to come here.

Did you know him well?

We only met five days ago,

but we connected before that.

I reached out to him about doing a reading.

I was lucky to get him -

superstars like Jack do international festivals.

They don't do small-town bookshops like this.

But he did for you? I made it worth his while.

You offered him a fee? Of course. I paid for everything.

Airfares, accommodation...

That must have come tom? Oh, money wasn't the issue.

I divorced well.

I can afford to indulge my passion,

which is books, and the amazing people who write them.

So I didn't stint to get Jack -

First Class travel, a very luxurious Airbnb. (SNIFFLES)

Well, you must have really wanted him.

I did.

Easy on the wine. You've had a shock.

Yeah, I'm shattered.

It's not every day you trip over a dead guy.

Why did you go upstairs? To find a loo.

And instead you found... I still can't quite believe it.

I mean an hour ago, he was alive. Radiating this magnetic energy and...

Did you know him at all before tonight?

By reputation. I've read his books.

Never met him, though?

Maxine was over the moon when she scored him.

She's talked about nothing else for the last few weeks.

I'm wiped out. Are we done?

For now. OK.

We might need to get a DNA sample.

You rig ht? Yeah. Uh, why?

You found the body. There'll be traces of you at the scene.

And you need to, what, eliminate me?

That's right. Mike, we were married for two years.

You really think I'd stab a man in the back?

Petra, this is a murder investigation. It's not personal.

Married to the job - same old, same old. (SIGHS)

That's all we need for now. Have you filled in your details?

And you've got a ride home?

Mr Drake is taking me.

My contact details are on the form and I’m at the high school.

All good.

Sir, could we have a few words? Finally.

Excuse me, is that yours?

No.

It belonged to the author. Or should I say the deceased.

Oh, well, in that case please don't touch it.

Can you bag that?

For all we know, it could contain a vital clue to the killer's identity! Mm.

Yes.

They're not bad, these. Wish I could.

Go on. Your secret will be safe with me.

We don't eat on the job. You fill your boots, though.

Is this gonna take long? Doesn't have to.

Full name? Kenneth Lowell Carnaby.

I go by KL for my pen name. Oh, you're an author?

Not as well-known as tonight's guest, obviously.

Do you write crime too? Literary fiction.

And, of course, I teach. I taught this fellow.

Not my most talented student,

but this has been on the New York Times Best Seller list for weeks.

Utter drivel.