Girl on the Third Floor

Cooper!

Who paints a room pink?

Wait, wait...

Don't look at me like that.

You're the one that's gonna have to shit that out later.

Oh.

Piece of cake.

Jesus Christ!

Doorbell needs fixing.

Bourbon?

What brings you out to the suburbs?

Change of scenery.

Uh, my wife and I got a baby on the way,

and this guy needed a yard.

Thought a little bit of elbow room

would do everybody some good.

Family's good.

Dirt's good.

Kids can't grow up right without some mud on their jeans

and a frog in their pocket.

What about you? Do you live around here?

Since '84,

long enough to see my fair share of things

come and go.

So you're a nun...?

Good Lord.

I remember Chicago being more progressive than that.

No, we're Protestant.

I'm the pastor.

I apologize. I should've known.

My wife and I aren't very religious.

- I just didn't... - Don't sweat it, slick.

We're more laidback out here.

And my door is always open,

if you care to learn more.

Hey, Bunny!

Hi, Tiger. How was your first night?

Oh, great. Look at this place.

Did you just wake up?

Hey, how's the little kicker doing?

Say hi to Daddy.

Hey, little Pumpkin Head.

Oh my God, you're not calling your daughter

"Pumpkin Head." Please.

Oh, come on, babe.

You've seen the size of your belly.

That's the only explanation.

So, what's on the agenda today?

How's the schedule looking?

Oh, the schedule feels great.

I will finish this room

as soon as I'm off the phone with you

and I'll move on to the kitchen in the afternoon.

So what, like painting, sanding,

opening that giant gaping hole?

Ugh, are you sure you don't want me

to call in some pros, Don?

This is a lot of work.

No, we're not calling anybody.

I got this.

How could I sleep at night

knowing some other jerkwad built your castle?

Well, you'd sleep because the roof wouldn't leak.

What's that?

Oh, there's piles of junk all over this place.

Please don't be paranoid.

I trust you.

Shit, I got to go.

I've got, um, team's proposals at ten.

Anyway, I'll call you tonight, okay?

Love you.

Mwah.

Mwah.

Bye.

"So once you get your drywall size,

you want to just check by hand

and see where does the drywall give in?

Now, luckily, it's only a small section..."

Close enough.

What the hell?

Oh, piece of shit drill, motherfucker!

Ow!

Oh, God!

How's it going, Mr. Koch?

Change of pace, huh?

Something like that.

How's a guy like you planning to survive out here?

I'll figure it out.

Can't imagine there's much of a nightlife.

No fancy supper clubs.

No strippers to woo clients with.

Uh, there's plenty of strippers.

I just don't have any clients left to woo.

True.

Which begs the question,

how exactly can you afford this place?

Good old Liz.

Yeah. I like her.

Smart woman.

How's she accepting this change?

She will keep her company running

and she'll commute once the baby's born.

You know, it's not like our life's over.

It's just...

...it's maturing.

It'd better be, Don.

Feds cut you one hell of a sweetheart deal,

all things considered.

Be a shame if you fucked it all up again.

That it?

Yeah.

That's the last of it.

That's a beautiful church.

Oh, shit!

You gonna be okay?

Don't shit in the house.

Goddamn machine likes to eat balls.

You hungry or thirsty?

Both.

Cocktails I have some control over.

Food can be hit or miss.

Well let's start with a drink, then.

Smart man.

It's not bad.

I'll quote you in the next ad.

So, uh, are you visiting or lost?

Resident.

I, uh, just bought the house on Saul and Circle.

What?

You queer?

Excuse me?

It's a simple question.

Yeah, I'm about to have a kid.

What kind of a question is that?

Easy, Don.

Gay people can have kids, too.

Nothing wrong with that.

I know that. I...

I'm happily married.

Of course, you are.

I'm sorry.

That house just seems to be bad news for straight men.

Uh, but, uh, I'm sure you'll be fine.

How about a shot?

You've got a real fucked up way of welcoming people

to the neighborhood, Geary.

Cooper!

Cooper!

Cooper?

Shit!

You really suck, you know that?

You know, Cleo and Jason

brought up the Hyde Park Project again.

So frustrating

to keep having to telling them no.

You know what I also hate?

Having to pee all the time.

God, if these things get any more swollen

I won't be able to stand up straight.

So, how is it going over there?

Great. I got a ton done today.

I'm feeling positive about it.

That's wonderful, babe.

How's the kitchen shaping up?

Well, I actually didn't make it

into the kitchen today,

but it is the first thing on tomorrow's list.

Are you sure you don't need some

extra hands, babe?

I'm sure, Bunny.

Everything's going fine.

Don't forget Milo's coming up this weekend.

But if you wanna help,

you can do me a favor right now.

What's that?

Just tilt that phone down to those

beautiful boobs one more time.

That's all you get until I see a finished kitchen.

All right. Good night.

Mwah!

Hi, Daddy.

I've been such a naughty, naughty girl.

You always know exactly how to treat me.

Oh, I'll do whatever you say, Daddy.

Are you gonna punish me?

Hi, Daddy.

I've been such a naughty, naughty girl.

Hey, hey, out!

That looks terrific.

Old pipes.

They don't look so old.

Can I help you with something?

I just like it here.

- What? - The house.

It's usually empty.

Oh, well, I bought it.

So it's not empty anymore.

Hmm, shame.

Uh, I'd better get back inside.

Sure. No problem.