Resident Alien

Previously on "Resident Alien"...

Break me out of here, but you have to do it quick.

What do you mean?

Your people will send someone else

to kill everyone for you.

Including Asta?

You're an alien. You know, phone home.

Call them and tell them not to come.

I will try to build a radio to contact my people.

Yes!

Time for you two to get to Colorado

to find me whatever was flying that machine.

Max, who is that? Why is he wearing a white coat?

Are you the town doctor? - Yes, I am.

I remember everything,

even though I'm not supposed to.

Most people don't.

There were others in the ship, you know, who were taken?

Like an intergalactic orphanage.

- Growing up that way probably felt very alienating.

- Showed me my mom and dad a few times.

Been searching for them ever since the aliens

dumped me back here five years ago.

- Then I can imagine the complicated feelings

you have for them.

All that time, all those missed opportunities.

- It's the missing things, right, Doc?

The missing things are what help you heal.

Attachments, like you said.

Feel like I'm a single thread

from blowing away in the wind altogether.

- Unfortunately, we're out of time this week.

- Same time next week? - Mm.

What do you think about the new one?

I'm not sure yet...

but I'll find out.

I'll find the truth about all of them.

Children, a pestilence.

They are not so much born, but replicate like a virus,

continuing humanity's path toward destruction.

Plus, it is illegal to make them work,

so they are just gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

Listen up, skin bags.

I have built a radio to tell my people

not to come and kill everyone, including you.

That was difficult.

I am now the savior of the human race,

so you can give me my alien ball back.

- I would, but I gave your ball to my dad.

He uses it to golf.

- You cannot golf with that ball.

- Maybe you can't because you're a bad golfer,

but he got a hole in one, and in that hole was bird poop.

So now your silver alien ball is covered in bird poop.

I changed my mind.

I am going to tell my people to save everyone but you,

and when you are dead, I'm going to freeze you

and make snow cones out of your gross, dead ice

and add the worst snow cone flavor to it--papaya.

That's dark.

- You know what I'm gonna do to you?

What could you do to me?

You are a monster.

You will bring me my alien ball.

You sick, broken child.

That's cool.

He's building a radio to save us.

- Are you a goldfish? It's not a radio.

It's a bomb.

Humans live to consume,

and their appetites are endless.

They drop garbage on the ground

wherever they go.

Earth is like a house they've lit on fire

but continue to live in,

and they use the Earth's resources

to make ugly things like teal Crocs

and truck ducks.

You rock, D'arcy!

D'arcy!

- All right, D'arcy! Let's go, Patience!

- He seems like a nice guy. She looks happy.

I am not engaging.

Keeping my distance, and you don't have to comment.

It's called boundaries.

- Could you hypothetically do a background check?

Wait, nope. Say nothing.

All right, Patience!

Let's hold 'em to zero runs.

That's right, zero runs

on the board for Jessup.

Three for Patience.

Thus Patience-- better than Jessup.

Hey, there.

Didn't recognize you not flat on your back.

That's nice hair, Bloom.

Next time, I'll show you how to do a real braid.

- Just let me know if you want me to have the pitcher

slow it down for you so you can get a hit.

- I'll take it as slow or as fast as you want to go.

Second base, second base!

Second! Second!

- Got him. - No way.

- You're out. - Yeah!

Way to go D'arcy!

Fast enough for you?

Nice job, D'arcy!

I'll be right back.

Sit in front of us.

The fate of everyone on Earth is at stake.

- She thinks Harry's building a bomb.

He's not. It's a radio.

- When somebody shows you who they are,

believe them the first time.

- That's pretty deep for someone your age.

- It's Maya Angelou. Dr. Maya Angelou.

An actual doctor,

unlike the alien who pretended to be one.

What else does he pretend to do?

- Oh! - Foul ball.

Ha ha ha. - Harry.

- What are you looking at? Get your own ball.

- Harry. - Mine.

I just caught it. - Harry.

Here you go. - Thanks.

Good job, kid.

I want that back.

What are you doing?

Watching the game.

When these hammy humans are finished,

I'm going to pick the celestial flowers

that grew from the water of my spaceship.

It is for my radio.

- What do flowers have to do with your radio?

- Plants have the most complex biochemistry

of anything in nature,

yet humans give them to say,

"I love you.

Here are some flowers. You are dead."

I want to see this radio.

- Why is she looking at me like that?

Do I have a booger on the edge of my nose?

Is it on my face?

- You know, I've always really been interested in radios.

- Mm-hmm. - Like, how do they work?

You know, like this one, for instance.

Like, how does it actually send a signal across the universe

all the way to your planet?

- In two days, at exactly 11:06 a. m.,

the Earth's axial tilt

will be in line with the Mars Transit Station.

- Transit station on Mars? That's weird.

We didn't know anything about that.

Ha ha ha!

Humans don't know anything about anything.

- Mm-hmm. - It's funny because it's true.

So this fissure of tellurium

will boost the radio signal,

bouncing the message off of the radio transmitter

which humans have named Oumuamua.

- And it will send the message to my people.

All the way to your planet.

Off the radio transmitter.

Anyway, it will send them the message,

and they will not come and kill everyone.

I have to do it at that exact time.

Why that exact time?

Because the...

The conditions will be ideal,

and they will not be ideal again for an entire year,

and then it will be too late.

Why are you squinting at me?

Why are you asking so many questions?

Do I have a booger on my face? Point at the booger.

- Mm, I think you're lying about what this is.

Painful.

- Your last radio ended up being a human death bomb,

and you lied that whole time.

- Well, you just lied to me just now

about being interested in radios.

I knew you were lying. You're not a good actress.

You could not play a beach corpse

on "Law and Order." - Excuse me.

You know, this "tellurium fissure,"

it goes right through the reservation,

so I think that's maybe where we're gonna go to set it up.

- We? - Yes, we.

My dad and I are coming

just to make sure you're not lying.

Still painful.

Good to see you.

- I like being on the reservation.

It feels comfortable. There is a warmth to it.

They must like it too, since they're always together.

- Hey, Harry. Let's get you some food.

Yes.

Big Leroy.

- Yep. - Get Harry a plate, yeah?

Yeah, for sure.

Oh, oh, hey, hey.