Family Guy

I was very brave when the doctor gave me that shot,

wasn't I, Lois?

Yes, Peter, you were very brave.

Even when I knew that he was gonna give me the shot,

I just k-kept looking at him in the eye

and talking to him about my summer plans.

You did very good.

See, Peter? It wasn't so bad.

Yeah, except for having to sit next to

that screaming autistic lady in the waiting room.

I don't know what you want! I don't know how to help!

Hi, there. Excuse me.

I seem to be lost. Can you guys help me?

Oh, my God.

Are you Ryan Reynolds?

From The Proposal and The Change-Up

and a ton of upcoming stuff? Yeah, that's me.

I was on my way to Newport and I kind of got turned around.

Ofourse, Mr. Reynolds, we'd be happy to give you directions.

You take 138 to the Jamestown Bridge,

and you're gonna follow the...

There's a fire truck.

Yes, I see it, Peter.

It's a fire truck.

And after the bridge, just follow the signs.

Thanks.

Hey, what happened to your arm?

I just went to the doctor, got my cholesterol checked.

Wow, why does a guy in his 20s

need to get his cholesterol checked?

Oh, come on, now.

Oh, hey, I never got your name.

Uh, Peter. Peter Griffin.

And I'm Lo...

Catch you later, Peter.

Wow, he was really nice.

Not like when I met that bitch Shelley Duvall.

Hi, I'm Shelley Duvall.

Very nice to meet you.

Big deal.

Came right up to me, like I was just dying to meet her.

Peter, you're gonna have to let that one go.

Hi, Mrs. Janetti. I'm here to pick up Stewie.

Oh, sure, Brian. He's in the playroom with Gavin.

Gavin- that's a stupid name.

And nobody likes you at school.

You're gonna be ugly when you grow up.

And everything in your house is cheap.

And it smells in here.

Oh, hey, Brian.

Bye!

That was fun.

I like Gavin.

Oh, yay! This is such a great song.

Really? Yeah, really.

I don't have to defend Carrie Underwood to you.

She is doing just fine without you.

Brian, I'm just going to sit in the car till the song's over.

All right, but don't take to long; it'll drain the battery.

Oh, shut up. It's not draining the battery.

I should be on Glee.

I should be on Glee!

Oh, my God.

I just drove.

That was amazing.

I can drive!

Now I can do a slow cruise past my ex-girlfriend's apartment.

11:45 and the lights are on.

Doing it with the lights on now, whore?

Don't mind looking at his body?

I love you so much, though.

Lois, that dog with the different colored eyes is back.

Ew, and gross!

It looks like he's got a boner.

Peter, just leave him alone.

No, this is what Bob Barker's been

talking about all these years.

Go on! Get!

Get out of here, weird boner dog!

Hey, look who it is!

Hey, Ryan Reynolds.

What are you doing in Cleveland's house?

Well, believe it or not, they've decided

to shoot my movie in Quahog instead of Newport.

I'm playing Hitler, but he's a young Hitler

and he's got a rocking body.

It's called Hotler.

Ha! Color me seven bucks lighter.

Hey, I'm so excited that we're gonna be neighbors.

We should totally hang out.

Yeah, that'd be great.

Okay, I'm embarrassed.

I'm standing out here without a shirt on

and my pajama bottoms are riding insanely low on my hips.

Hey, how much money you make?

You'd think enough for a shirt, right?

So I'm having this housewarming thing tonight,

and I'd love it if you came by.

Anything beats what goes on at my house Friday nights.

Hey, Lois, what's going on here?

Oh, it's my book club, Peter.

Come join us.

Oh, okay!

All right, let's see, new novel, new novel, new novel.

What's it about? What's it about?

A guy...

a guy who loses everything,

but finds his soul in Canada.

All right, we're cooking now.

Cooking now.

And the whole book is an e-mail

to his daughter, who's dead.

And his name will be Norm Hull.

Because he's just a normal guy.

But not everybody will get that.

That's just for e scholars a hundred years from now.

Okay, Rupert, you ready to go for a drive?

Oh, my God, Rupert, this is such a thrill.

Look at me, I'm driving!

I'm driving a real car!

I don't believe it!

Well, I'd say we need to put on some tunes.

Hey, welcome back to Weenie and The Butt on 97.1.

Ooh, Weenie and The Butt.

Just like the grown-ups listen to.

And that was "Baby" by Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris,

which means it's time to give away some Justin Bieber tickets.

Oh, that's right, Butt.

Our fifth caller will ween those tickets.

Hey, you know what, Rupert?

You know what I should do, just, like, as a goof?

I should try to win those Justin Bieber tickets just so I can,

like, tear them up or use them to go to t concert.

Oh, it's ringing, Rupert, it's ringing.

I'm too nervous; they're celebrities.

You talk to them.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

I'm in so much trouble.

Congratulations, you're caller number five.

You're going to see Justin Bieber!

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Yes! Jesse, I won!

Never say never!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Brian's gonna be so mad at me.

What am I gonna do? Okay, it's all right.

I'll just get a little bit of paint and cover up the dents.

Unattractive women do it all the time.

You look pretty today, Carol.

Thanks.

It's probably just the dress and the makeup.

Ah, now that I look closer,

yeah, I think that's what it is, too.

Hey, you made it!

And you brought a friend.

Great.

I'm his wife, Lois.

We actually met the other day.

Oh, sorry, I- I meet so many people.

But there's really no way you could know that.

Yeah, she's a housewife, she don't know.

Whatever.

You got booze in here?

Is it me, or did she just make that weird?

Please. It was definitely not you.

Hey, is this shirt too tight?

I'm feeling really self-conscious.

No, not at all.

So it-it looks good like this? Yeah, it looks good.

Thanks.

I don't know what to say.

Hey, I got, I got, like,

an insider Hollywood question for you.

Is, um, is "L.A." short for something?

Ha! You're a riot.

Hey, hey, so what's all this about,

everyone in Quahog likes to tickle fight?

What is that?

What? I never heard that.

Yeah, apparently it's, like, a thing.

It is? Yeah.

I mean, they also said that people who pretend

not to have heard of it are chicken.

Well, I ain't no chicken.

One-nothing!

No, two-nothing!

Three-nothing!

Fight over! Fight over!

Wow, you got a lot of catching up to do,

and tomorrow night in the dark, huh?

In the dark?

Yeah, if you say so.

Just don't tickle me in my lower abdomen.

I'm super ticklish there.

Lower abdomen.

You're gonna wish you never said that.

This might be totally off the wall,

but are you doing anything Thursday night?

You probably have plans, anyway.

You know what...