Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Greg?

Mmm.

Greg?

What?

Greg ! Huh?

What?

What are you doing? Get up!

Mom and Dad have been calling you for an hour.

You're about to be late for your first day of middle school.

What?

Oh, geez! How did that happen?

Go, go, go! Mom's about to flip out!

She sent me to get you while she waits in the car!

What are you doing? What's going on?

Getting ready for. . .

. . .school.

Are you insane? School doesn't start till next week.

And, FYl, school doesn't start at 4:00 in the morning !

You woke up Manny. And if he doesn't go back down. . .

Good morning !

There is no way he is going back down.

l just wanted to sleep till 6:00.

Bubby!

Go to bed. l got him.

Greg, what are you doing up making all this noise?

lt was Rodrick! He woke me up!

He changed my clock!

But l swear, he was just. . .

Go to bed.

What is that smell? l can't even identify it.

Bubby!

Happy Birthday!

Here, Bubby.

Wow! Look at the size of that flamethrower!

Okay, first of all, let me get something straight.

This is a journal, not a diary.

Yeah, l know what it says on the cover.

But when my mom went out to buy this thing,

l specifically told her not to buy one that said "diary" on it.

This just proves Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.

Huh? Sissy!

The only reason l agreed to write in this thing is because

when l'm rich and famous l'll have better things to do

than answer people's stupid questions all day long.

Gregory, tell us about your childhood !

Were you always so smart and handsome?

Here's my journal. Now, shoo, shoo.

That's our boy up there.

Why did l ever say no to him?

Mom got me this thing

so l could write down my feelings about starting middle school.

But l'm gonna be fine.

lt's my best friend, Rowley Jefferson, l'm worried about.

He's definitely not middle school ready.

Geronimo!

He's not quite clear on the concept of growing up.

l want a puppy, a kitty, a gumball machine. . .

But anyway, this is about me, not Rowley.

l always figured they'd make a movie about my life.

But l didn't think they'd start the story here.

Because, seriously, who wants to see a movie about a kid

who's stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons?

Three days, no shower. Smell the love!

Let me go, Rodrick!

Come on. We're just having some fun, right?

No, okay. So, look.

Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school.

lt's real simple.

Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. Don't go anywhere.

Don't sit down. Don't raise your hand. Don't go to the bathroom.

Don't get noticed. Don't choose the wrong locker. Don't. . .

Who am l kidding?

You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year, anyway.

And don't be seen with Rowley.

Manny, stop it! Mom !

Thanks for the eggs, Mom.

Frank? Greg?

l think it's gross and undignified

that l have to eat breakfast next to him on the potty.

Okay, well, it's your fault he's still potty training.

Don't look down, Manny.

The potty monster doesn't like it when you look at him.

l was just joking with him.

Okay. Kiss him you're sorry and then let's get a move on.

Can't be late for your first day of school.

Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be

the dumbest idea ever invented.

You got kids like me who haven't hit their growth spurt yet

mixed in with gorillas who have to shave twice a day.

There's juvenile delinquents and weirdos.

I'm smaIIer than about 95% of the kids at my school...

Give it back! Stop!

...so thank God for Chirag Gupta.

lt's mine! Stop!

Can l have the backpack?

You got to jump higher. lt's not yours!

He's an exceIIent buffer between me and these morons.

Hey, Greg.

Hey, fella!

SeriousIy, I don't know what happened to these kids over the summer.

Was there a nucIear accident?

Science experiment gone bad?

Thank God there are a few normal people or this place wouId be a totaI freak show.

lf you're as discriminating as I am,

it can be tough to figure out where to sit on your first day of middIe schooI.

One bad move

and you're stuck next to some idiot for the rest of the year.

Greg !

Remember how I said Rowley wasn't middle school ready?

Well, there you go.

What are you wearing?

My family just got back from Guatemala! lt's my serape!

Nice, huh?

All right, class, l'm Mrs. Flint. Everybody take your seats!

Welcome to your first day of middle school.

Remember your seats. You'll be sitting here every day.

Rowley, if you had to say where you were ranked

in terms of popularity from one to 200,

where would you put yourself?

ls 200 good or bad?

l'd say you're somewhere around the 1 54 mark.

l'd put myself around number 1 9 or 20.

l might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year,

if things go the way l think they will.

Well, who's at the bottom?

Hey, guys, wanna see my secret freckle?

Fregley. Sent home for hygiene issues at Ieast once a month.

Check it out. lt's got a hair in it!

What color is that?

You wanna help me name it?

All right, ladies! Gather around !

Come on, put the knitting down ! Let's go!

All right, everybody.

l'm Coach Malone and l am your gym teacher.

P. E. is as much a part of my life

as waking up in the morning and going to the bathroom.

l live and breathe Physical Education.

Now, who's with me?

Are you ready to have some fun out there?

Yeah !

All right, outstanding !

So we're gonna divide you up into two teams.

So you two, over here. You, you, you, this way.

Yeah, you three, this side. Good.

You guys are going to be Shirts!

And you will be Skins.

Why are we Skins? l hate this.

He's just trying to make kids like us feel bad.

What do you mean, kids like us?

l just don't want to get a sunburn, right, Rowley?

My name is Bell E. Button.

What's yours?

Okay, let's start off with a little game l like to call Gladiator.

- l got this one! - No!

Take that!

Cover me!

Oh, God.

Not good !

We're never going to be able to outrun these guys!

We don't have to outrun them !

We just have to outrun Chirag !

Take a Iook, take a Iook, take a Iook

At the kids on the street

No, they never miss a beat

Never miss a beat

Think they saw us? No way.

They were focused on getting that kid with the limp.

We'll hide here for the rest of the class

because l'm not playing that game.

lt's not fair.

He's got all the Neanderthals on the same team.

lt's barbaric!

lt's completely barbaric.

This place is an intellectual wasteland.

But, you know, it's nice to meet someone

more interested in his mind than in his body.

You girls get to jump rope. What are you doing hiding?

Avoiding the pain.

lt all starts in middle school, you know?

You're not a kid anymore. The coddling has stopped.

Kids are now separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on.

And girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore.

Okay, well, sounds like you got it all figured out,

so go back to your book.

This place is a glorified holding pen.

All the way! All the way! You're like a machine!

lt's where adults put you

as you make that awkward transition between child and teenager

so they don't even have to look at you.

Hi. l'm Angie.

Great story. We're gonna go now.

Why? This is a good spot.

lt's a perfect spot.

l survived all of the sixth grade here.

And l would enjoy some like-minded company

to get me through the seventh.

ls that the whistle? l think l hear the whistle.

We need to go.

No showboating, all right?

Why are we leaving?