The Ultimate Gift

Are we on?

Hello.

When? Thank you.

Yes. I'll tell him.

Sir.

He's gone.

Contact family members,

the various corporate boards...

and business interests.

Yes, sir.

Sir, I...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Am I speakin' to a Theophilus Hamilton of Birmingham?

Sir? Yes, sir. This is he.

Name's Howard Stevens. You can call me Red.

I need a lawyer for a few business ideas I have,

a few still in the dream stage.

- - Though the skies may weep,

the Bible assures us that precious in the sight of the Lord...

is the death of his saints.

I wonder who the old man negotiated with for the rain.

Well, it's a sure bet he's laughin',

watchin' us get soaked.

Yeah, well, now it's his turn.

There's not a person here whose life, in some way,

has not been touched by Howard "Red" Stevens.

Red often quoted Malcolm Muggeridge,

saying that, "Every happening, great or small,

"is a parable by which God speaks to us,

and the art of life is to get the message."

May the message of Red Stevens continue in the hearts of those he leaves behind.

What are you doing? You're gonna get all wet. Bill.

Even though Dad moved his corporate offices from Texas many years ago,

for tax reasons,

he always said he wanted to be buried under Texas soil.

Is that him?

That's him.

Mom.

- You're late. - For what?

Give me some of that!

Settle down over there.

Good morning.

Before we start, I'd like to say how much Red...

meant to me personally.

As you know, we started out as business partners,

and we ended up as friends.

I am deeply grieved by his passing.

Yes, well, that's very nice.

Now, may we proceed?

Red's will is in his own words,

still, every bit as legal and binding...

Blah, blah, blah.

"And, so, my eldest son, Bill,

I leave my company, Panhandle Oil and Gas."

- Currently worth $600 million. -

"However, Bill, since you had zero interest in my company while I was alive,

"I don't imagine that will change much after my death.

Therefore, the board will maintain control."

Excuse me, but my client would like to explore all of his options.

Your client has no more options.

One of those instructions Mr. Hamilton skipped over...

is Red's desire that each of you vacate after receiving your portion of the estate.

- As in, leave the room. - What the... She can't talk to me like that.

- Well, do something. - You can go now, Mr. Stevens.

- What... All right. Fine. Fine. - We should really go.

I have never been so humiliated.

Did you see that old man talkin' to me that way?

And you guys just sat there and said absolutely nothin'.

That's it?

- A cow farm? - A 10,000-acre cow farm.

Well, what's that worth anyway?

Ruth, come on. Come here.

What exactly do we get?

A place for you to take your mistress.

Come on, Ruth. Let me explain.

- I want to see everything! Full disclosure. - Come on, Jack. Let's go.

- Good day, Mr. Stevens. - You said you had a strategy!

This is a long way from over. You said it was a slam dunk!

- - "To Sarah, widow of my late son, Jay Howard Stevens,

"I am truly sorry for the events of the past.

"Please know that Jay's death represents the greatest tragedy...

"I have ever experienced.

"I leave you control of my Myers Park estate where you now reside...

- "and a managed trust for expenses as long as you live. - There we go.

"Since your choice of male companionship is vast and varied,

the deed and title for the house will remain under the control of my trustees."

- Good day, Mr. Hamilton. - Good day.

It's amazing just how far the fruit can fall from the tree.

And still roll a great distance.

Nice of you to show up.

You're in time for nothin'.

Let's go.

Jason.

How do you know my name?

It's my business to know everyone named in your grandfather's will.

Let's cut the B.S., 'cause I know what he left me... nothing.

Walk away— you'll never know, will you?

- Jason? -

So, what's in the box?

Your inheritance.

Have a seat.

Does the box or the seal appear to have been tampered with in any way?

No.

Then therefore witness this day...

that I am breaking the seal...

affixed in my presence by Red himself.

Miss Hastings. Yes, sir.

Are we on? Yes, we are.

Mmm. Well, then, if you're watching this,

I must be dead.

That's a strange concept.

How was my funeral? Well attended?

I hope it rained.

Hamilton, Miss Hastings,

I hope you're having a better day than I am.

If you've just been with my family, I doubt it.

Jason, I made a lot of mistakes with our family,

but you're the one I think I hurt the most.

The only way I can make it up to you is to not give you anything.

I knew it.

What I mean by that is that I'm not giving you anything just yet.

So sit back down there.

I've been thinking about this for a long time.

How can I give you something and not have it ruin you like your uncles and aunts?

Even some of their kids.

So I want to give you a gift- a series of gifts...

leading up to, well,

I wanna call it "the ultimate gift."

Now, you fail in any way, it's over.

You get nothing.

And everything you do must be to Mr. Hamilton's satisfaction.

You might wanna make friends with him sooner than later.

This is a voice-activated Conversay.

It allows two-way communication between our office and you.

And you can also replay Red's messages on it if you need to.

- Sir. - Ah, good.

There's a flight to Houston tomorrow at 7:00 a.m.

As in morning, 7... 00 a.m.?

Yes. That 7:00 a. M.

- For what? - You have until then to accept.

- Why do I have to go? - You'll find out when you get there.

- This is whacked. - You might wanna rethink that.

What could he possibly give me that he hasn't already taken away?

Huh? Screw him. Screw both of you.

Well.

How was your day?

I'm not sure.

What do you mean?

My grandfather may have left me something.

Yeah? I'm just trying to figure it out.

You mean it's not cash? I don't know.

Don't know?

If I want to play into his little power trip, I gotta go pick it up.

Where? Texas.

Yech. You know what? I'm not going.

Well, aren't you at least curious?

What if it's... gold?

He ruined my life.

My best revenge is to just...

ignore him.

Besides, I've got a trust fund.

Worst-case scenario... I'll live off my mom.

I don't need his money.

Yeah, but one can always use some extra walking-around money.

Not if I have to sell my soul.

But, if you had to, at least try to get as much out of him as you can.

My gosh. What if you actually had to get a job sometime?

- -

Police escort- sorta.

- -

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

from the flight deck, we have a very full flight to Houston this morning.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

Can I... Can I see your boarding pass again?

Thank you.

Yeah. See, this is, uh... I'm sorry. This is for coach.

Nah. That's impossible.

- No. It's, uh, 32B. - Well, change it.

We can't- Please.

We can't... No. Thanks a lot.

We can't change it. It's a "Q" fare. You can't upgrade.

- So, can we... - Do you have any idea who I am?

I... I know exactly who you are.

You're the guy in Seat 32B. Here we go.

[Screeching, Crying]

Conversay to Jason Stevens.

- - Hello, Jason.

What is this, one of those things Aunt Martha had to wear?

I see you're at the, uh, Houston airport.

Uh, Baggage Claim.

You got a problem?

You don't look like you've worked a day in your life.

Great. The Amazing Kreskin.

I'm don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, because no one's been...

Hey! Hey!

I'm Gus. I'm your ride. Get in.