The Cherokee Kid

The Wild West created many amazing legends,

Geronimo, Wyatt Earp, Nat Love,

all of them deadly but none deadlier than this man... The Cherokee Kid.

So, you're The Undertaker.

Now it s your turn to die.

Goodnight, kid. Sweet dreams.

-God, is he dead? -He's graveyard dead.

You'd like to double this reward. I have some very interesting railroad.

I bury my dead before any business transpires, Mr. Bloomington.

I have here some deeds that I have...

You deaf? A brave man has died, he deserves a proper eulogy.

How long do you think it's going to finish "eulogizing" this...

How long would it take to eulogize a great man like Montezuma,

or Thomas Jefferson or Robin Hood? How long?

We'll bury this man at noon tomorrow.

Noon, tomorrow.

So many people here from far and wide because a man has died.

-But who exactly was this man? -You know who he was!

You and I raised him! You tell 'em! You tell 'em who he was!

-I will, mother. I'll tell 'em. -You tell 'em what a good boy he was!

Elizabeth, there are others here who would like to get a word in edgewise.

That's right! I, Juan Nepomucano Cortina,

hero of the Mexican people, would like to speak.

For it is I who taught the Cherokee Kid everything he knows.

That's why he's laid up in that box now.

The Cherokee Kid was the most noble,

most courageous human being the world has ever known.

Let us begin at the beginning.

Before he became known as The Cherokee Kid,

The Cherokee Kid was just a kid.

His name was Isaiah Turner. He had a big brother named Jedediah.

The railroad men forced the people to sell the land for pennies

When the boy's father stood up to them, they killed him like a dog.

The very next day, Jedediah took his revenge,

he sneaked into the railroad camp and shot the man who took his father's life.

Jed! Now, don't you mistake stupidity for courage!

That night, Mama gave to the boys their father's favorite hat.

When the bad men came, Mama and Jedediah put their plan into action.

Of course, they put young Isaiah in the wood box.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you lynch my baby!

I will kill him myself before I let you at him!

-No, mama! No! - Come on, baby. Let it go!

No, baby. I didn't shoot Jed. We was pretendin' so that Jed could get away.

-You okay, Mr. Bloomington? -You can't stand in the way of progress.

Go! Get him!

I got him!

Like the terrified antelope, the kid was running and running night and day.

Guided only by his still developing sense of direction,

he wandered aimlessly not knowing where to go.

Till one day, the hand of fate guided him into the lap of good fortune,

Reverend and Mrs. Peel having no children of their own,

believed young Isaiah to be a gift from God.

Got you, Bloomington!

I got you, too Bonner!

Reverend, tell him what the good book say. Tell him what it say about killin'.

Son, the Bible sayeth, "Thou shalt not kill!"

The Bible say, "Eye for an eye." So, I'm gonna shoot him in the eye!

Then, 18 years later, the Kid had grown into a strong sure-footed young man.

And still he clung to his childhood dreams.

Bonner, Bloomington, you're both dead.

-Isaiah! -Comin' ma!

One day in town, the Kid stumbled across the face of the man

he hated with every breath he took.

Bloomington was now the Mayor of El Paso,

he was coming to Pinedale to speak.

Isaiah vowed to go there and silence him forever.

Just one sandwich, ma?

Reverend, you tell him that if he gets hungry, he can just come on home.

I'll tell him, mother.

Tell him we know that this is all about Bloomington. Tell him.

Son, violence is not the answer.

Ma, Pa, I can't thank you enough for taking me in when I lost my family.

But I got to go out and find out who I am. I love ya, and I'm gonna miss ya.

Pa.

-Ma, can I ask you somethin'? -Yes, baby.

Since I been little, when you talk to me you talk to him and I be standin' here.

You tell him that he is gonna go and get himself killed!

Come on, Ole Lightenin'. Pa, I'm gonna be goin'.

Bye!

Okay. I'm okay, Pa. Lightening.

I'm just gonna walk him, Pa, cause he kinda touchy right now.

"Vengeance is mine," said the Lord!

Killin' is a sin! And Pinedale's the other way!

I know! That way!

One sandwich. He be back here before sundown, if he ever can find this place.

Oh, Charles. He took that rusty gun off the mantle!

Thus, began his magnificent quest, to find the town called Pinedale

and to find the despicable excuse for a man who had killed his family.

Oh, man. Where am I?

When he exhausted his supply of sandwiches,

he feasted on natural foods and wild game.

Anybody home?

Just lookin' for some food.

Just me and you, turkey. And one of us got to die!

Let me go, you dirty low-down, scraggly two-legged cockroach!

What kind of crook knocks over a whore house anyway?

Why don't you go out and hit a bank like a real man!?!

Come on, give me some lovin' you cheap whore!

Cheap? I ain't never done it for free in my life!

I ain't never paid for it.

Come on! Come on, you lie down here.

Get off a me!

Why don't you shut that stinkin' mouth before the bats come flyin' out?

-Shut up! -You payin' for this.

I know you got the money, and you payin' for this! Get offa me!

What?

-Hi. -You dead, boy.

-I think he's dead. -I killed a man... with a turkey.

-They gonna send me to jail. -I've been saved by a colored boy!

A sweet, kind, brave, extremely good-lookin' very light complected...

Honey breath!

Ma'am, you are truly a lovely and invitin' woman

and all the womanly parts a man would want,

it's just that I ain't never been with a woman before,

and I had some turkey before and I'd rather have some of that bird, Ma'am.

What's that say on his belt?

His name, Jake Carver. Can't you read?

Of course I can! I just can't read English. I's French.

Again, good fortune smiled on our hero.

Yeah, I killed Jake Carver. You got somethin' to say about that?

He took refuge for the night in a charming little cottage

where a nice Christian girl prepared for him a delicious home-cooked meal.

Gobble-gobble.

All night long he dreamed of left over turkey sandwiches.

But in the morning, the girl and the bird had flown the coop.

She took the turkey!

Bloomington will be in Pinedale today. Isaiah had to get there by hook or crook

-How ya doin' gentlemen? -Morning.

How-dee-do? Who the hell are you?

-I'm Jake Carver. -Jake Carver?

Yes, I am.

Damn! Well, it sure hell is a small world ain't it, boys?

See, now we're Jake Carver's gang!

-Hey, Jake, I'm your cousin! -I'm your cousin, too!

I ain't your cousin, so I guess that makes me your aunt.

Wait a minute. Now, now let me explain.

Jim-Bob, Jake's out back. Dead as a skunk. No sign of the girl.

You all don't think I killed him did ya? I grew up with Jake.

That whore killed him! I always told Jake that these whores will kill him.

Yopu know he was always chasin' women. From the time he was young

always tryin' to look the other girl's petticoats. I'd say, "Jake, stop."

There was petticoats and corsets, he wouldn't listen to me

and we'd be runnin' off playin' tag and hide-and-go seek.

But Jake didn't like them kinda games.

and he'd take our arms behind our back and he'd twist 'em, till we screamed!

And then he had this floorboard, from his mammy's house

and he would take it and whoop us upside the head!

He'd take whiskey from his daddy, pour it down my throat till I wet myself.

That's our Jake!

It's a shame Jake's gone now cause he had a big job for us to do.

-What kinda job? -He didn't tell you?

-No, he didn't tell me about no job. -This was the biggest job...

That's why he brought me out here. We was gonna rob a bank.

-Where? -In Pinedale.

-Pinedale? -Yeah.

Lotta money there, too. But, look like it's gonna stay in that bank now.

Jake's gone, I'll bury him before them animals tear him up.

Ain't nothin' worse than seein' a man's body lay there and rot

you walk up on it, and you think it's like a dead dog, but it's a person,

you see this big head there and it scares ya, and the horses get spooked.

-Nice meetin' ya. -Alright. I'll bet.

You goin' the wrong way. Pinedale's almost ten miles north a here.

I figured I'd just...

But then again it would be right to honor Jake by robbin' that bank.

-You told me Pinedale was that way. -Just get.

Now, here's the new plan. We go in the bank and you go up to the teller

and tell her you're robbin' the bank, and then rob the bank.

You been thinkin' about this for awhile. We aughta take a couple more minutes.

Maybe we'll just go on in then.

-Hi! Can I help you? -Hi, how ya doin'?

-I'm fine, thank you. -That is a right smart tie!

-Thank you. I bought it in St. Louie. -St. Louie?

-My grandmom is buried there. -It's a dangerous place.

-She was bit by a rabid rabbit. -A rabbit rabbit?

-A, a rabbit with rabbies. -A rabbit with rabies?

I thought you were talking about identical twin rabbits.

-No, just one rabbit with rabies. -I'm sorry. How can I help you?

I was thinkin' about...

Maybe you wanna open a new account if you do today, you get great gifts.

For example, if you give us 25 dollars you get this.

-It's a cake of Grandpa's pine tar soap. -This the one with witch hazel?

-Will open up your pores. -It smells so fresh.

It's guaranteed to leave you "refreshingly clean."

-Can I ask my friends that need it? -Of course.

-You're a very nice man. -Thank you. You, too.

-Billy Bob, if... -It's Jim Bob with a G.

I'm sorry, all them Bob's throw me off. I can't get the Bob's right.

-It's Jim Bob, with a G. -I wanna show ya somethin'.

If we give him 25 dollars to start an account, we'll get free pine tar soap.

As much as we're on the road together, this could kill the stinkies.

I don't take a bath. You just go over there, rob the bank.

I'm just thinkin' about how you smell.

They don't like the soap.

If they give us one hundred dollars to deposit, they get a gingham apron.

-Hush my mouth! And I cook. -You do?

-Yes, I can cook rabbit. -That's good. I hope it's not rabid.

-You a funny man. -You know what we do with it?

We hand embroider your name right across the front.

-My name's Isaiah. -It's beautiful.

-It's Biblical. -God bless you.